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*Parts of this story were exaggerated for dramatic effect.
Anyone who has ever cared for a preschool-aged child knows the feeling of dread that comes over when said child needs to use the bathroom and there isn’t one in sight. Three-year-olds don’t understand the concept of waiting for anything, let alone a toilet, so you plan accordingly. You make sure they go before you leave the house. You bring extra clothes, just in case. You scout out the bathroom situation of every park, rec center and play space.
No matter how well you prepare, inevitably you will face potential potty pitfalls. Such was the situation I found myself in while attending the New York Renaissance Faire.
The bathroom debate centers around the rights of individuals to use the restroom of their identifying gender, regardless of their physical attributes.
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For the unfamiliar, the Renaissance Faire is a huge, outdoor spectacle with interactive performances, food, shops and music. Crossing from one and to the other could take nearly an hour when you factor in little kid legs and distractions. It is a ton of fun.
What’s not so fun is having a kid who needs to go and being as far as possible from the public restroom. Sure, you could just take him to the nearby port-a-potty, but that’s not going work when you have a child who thinks every toilet must be sparkling clean for his royal tush.
I have to get my son to the flushing toilets before he doth protest too much and methinks I will have to get him some new clothes. I strap him into the stroller and weave my way past the cosplayers (wait why is,that guy dressed like a storm trooper) and the overly enthusiastic Goblin who is probably a drama major at SUNY Purchase and is currently auditioning for the role of John number two on Law and Order SVU. Mama’s got a situation here!
Then I see it. Behold! The miracle of modern plumbing amid the ambiguous fantasy world of the seventeenth-ish century. I push my son over to the women’s side. One look at the queue of ladies in their best renditions of Gwyneth Paltrow in Shakespeare in Love, and I know it is a big fat nope. Fifteen ladies times 15 corsets, hundreds (I’m guessing) of Spanx and other nether regional contraptions equals one big mess for the mom with the boy who’s got to go NOW.
What is a lady to do?
Wishing I borrowed a male face from The House of Black and White, I take my son over to the men’s side. Spoiler Alert. No line. A girl is not desperate for a toilet anymore.
I usher my son pass the urinals, trying not to make eye contact, while still making it obvious that I am with a small child and I am not trying to sneak a peek at their junk. There is free stall. The universe is kind. We have made it to the potty without incident.
I was too focused on getting in and out of the restroom quickly to notice if anyone was staring or glaring at me for being in the men’s room. I appreciated the kindness and assistance of the bathroom attendant, who understood why I was in the men’s bathroom. I realize a father with his young daughter may not have been met with the same understanding. I know I am lucky to be able to recount this story in a humorous, positive fashion.
The bathroom debate centers around the rights of individuals to use the restroom of their identifying gender, regardless of their physical attributes. Opponents claim this will enable male predators to easily access female victims. While I do not dismiss concern for women and young girls, I am worried what stricter enforcement of public bathroom usage might mean for families.
Last year, the Oklahoma City Moms blog posted a photo to its Facebook page depicting a notice stating boys over six years old must use the men’s restroom. My oldest still has a few years to go, but even now, I don’t know at what age I would feel comfortable with him going into a public restroom alone. What I do know is I don’t think a sign should generalize about what is developmentally appropriate for children.
I am grateful for the existence of “family” restrooms, but the best solution is unisex bathrooms. Yes, bathrooms anyone can use regardless of their anatomy. Not only would they end the anxiety of being a parent of opposite gendered children and transgendered folks alike, but they are more cost effective to construct.
Any woman who has snuck into the men’s room (guilty) at the bar because the women’s room line is awful knows how much we need this.
Methinks it’s time for a Bathroom Renaissance.
Originally published on Maybe I’ll Shower Today
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Photo: Getty Images
Hey, but just for an experiment I’m going to grab up one of my male nephews and take him into a busy ladies room and then report back the results.
Might have to wait a few days. I believe that Weds. is computer day at the local jail. ;p
For me? Who cares. Some guys would have issues, and I can appreciate that, but me? Naw, especially is she is rushing a small child in. I’ve actually seen a guy rush his gal into a men’s room, giving warnings and then standing guard at the stall. I can appreciate that too. In fact, the potty parody bill, in the building codes dictates greater facilities for women for just this reason: long lines in theirs, none in ours. It’s a bit of sexist favoritism that actually makes sense, at least to me. Side note: I’ve been to the Renaissance fair… Read more »
I don’t know if you wrote the title and I wouldn’t be so quick to say that it was no big deal. A lot of guys just don’t complain and will put on a poker face for many reasons not the least of which being that when men feel abused there is often the feeling that they can’t do anything about it. There’s no one who’ll take it seriously so why bother to complain. It will just upset you more. I just want to make that distinction. It wasn’t a big deal from your perspective. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t… Read more »
I feel like if most women were aware of how much dirtier male restrooms are or tend to get, the topic of merged facilities would never see the light of day again.
Funny. Every person I’ve ever spoken to who cleaned bathrooms for a job has flatly said that womens bathrooms were far more disgusting.
can confirm.
I was a janitor in college. I wouldn’t say women’s restrooms are better or worse than men’s. About the same.
Seems like the solution is to turn the men’s bathrooms into unisex bathrooms. Women’s bathrooms remain the same and then women can decide who qualifies to go in their bathrooms. Because like probably the majority of men, I just don’t care about this issue.
I think that might be happening in a few places. Give women the room to go where they want and limit men to one space.
Ats happening in every aspect of society, Danny. ;p
True. True.
Oh. And for the record, can we get junk as a descriptor of male genitalia out of the lexicon? I have no idea where it came from, but at least to me it’s highly offensive probably as much as the C word for a vagina that I also never say.
I’ve been in a men’s room before and a woman came in to use it, sans child because she had to go and the ladies room was all booked up. Not one guy cared. We were surprised but when she said she had to go everybody was cool. She went into a stall and came out a few minutes later. Not a big deal at all.
I would actually have an issue with that even if she had a small son. I’ve never had an issue though when a guy brought in a small girl. I would have less of an issue depending on how she handled it. If she called in first and waited a few seconds. It takes maybe 30 seconds to go and zip up or if she held something to the side of her heads so you know eyes forward and headed to the back of the men’s room where the stalls are.
As an adult she should not be going into the men’s room, she takes her son into the women’s room. It’s a violation of privacy for any men using the urinal even if they wouldn’t care or not. A guy bringing a small girl in is different. She’s too young to understand so no one should be embarrassed.
Because there are no urinals, I would think a man taking his daughter into the ladies room would or should be lesst less of an issue than a woman taking her son into the men’s room.
That seems to make sense but it just doesn’t work like that. Many women would be uncomfortable with a man using their room even if he can’t see anything. And as I said previously, a woman entering the men’s room would most likely make some men feel weird even if they didn’t say anything or seemed bothered about it.
Adults of the opposite sex being present during a private moment like that just makes many people feel awkward so it’s wrong for them to enter the other restroom .
I realize a father with his young daughter may not have been met with the same understanding. I know I am lucky to be able to recount this story in a humorous, positive fashion. Thank you for this acknowledging this. One thing I’ve noticed is that all these bills about who can use what bathroom are often rooted in the fear that men are lining up to sneak into women’s bathrooms and sexually assault girls and women. What is getting lost in the mix is that there are plenty of valid reasons for people do things that all these bills… Read more »
Try being a man taking his daughter into a women’s bathroom and see what happens.