What songs or movies don’t let you forget?
I have a few, movies like Grease, and Pearl Harbor; songs like All I Want for Christmas is You and Is It Ok if I Call You Mine?
I would always remember the men who made me cry, made me laugh, and made me wonder.
He was all that.
He was way younger than I was, and he was unlikely to be someone I would have known back home or much more dated. Not because of anything in particular, but because it would be next to impossible.
I have few friends.
I don’t go out that much.
I am drawn to men of my age.
He was in his 20s, and I was about to turn 40.
But on the last night, we were together, it was I who did most of the crying.
…
Is It Ok if I Call You Mine?
I was always the one never first to say,
‘I love you.’
to anyone, until it is too late.
It is just me, too afraid of rejection. I know if only I could have said it first, I may not have lost the chance of the love I never had.
…
The boy at sea. After the one who broke my heart multiple times had moved on with his life, I never thought I would fall in love again much less with a younger man.
But there I was loving a man half my age. May — December affair or was it my Cher moment, kidding.
He also made me laugh again, something I haven’t done for ages since my biggest heartbreak. It wasn’t that he was great with jokes. It was in his innocence or that was the way I remember him. He can’t finish a sentence. He talks funny.
But he smells good, and he kisses well.
I met him on the same ship where I fell in love with the guy who gave me my biggest heartache. I had little expectations or desire to find love the second time around on the same ship, besides I was there for the world cruise.
Sometimes the Universe rewards you after a bad breakup. It was the most coveted itinerary for any cruise ship’s crew — a world cruise.
For more than 100 days, you will get to see as many countries, the only continent missing is Antarctica.
How cool is that?
By the time I walked inside the ship, it all came back, the love story that ended many months ago. I was steadfast in keeping the promise I made to myself — to enjoy this contract the best way that I can.
To appreciate all the beautiful places even if I have to see them all alone.
…
The final walk down the beach
Photo by iStockPhoto.com
We spent little time together off the boat, he was saving all his money to send it back home, to a family he would do anything for by providing them the best life he can offer.
He was young. He knew what he wants in life. He would do everything to make his dreams come true.
But comes nightfall, we were together. Although not alone, with a bunch of friends you only came to know at sea.
It helps one cope with loneliness at sea, to be with a group of people who know exactly what you are feeling while working on cruise ships — a daily dose of joy and sadness.
And at sea, people are less judgmental of same-sex relationships or short-term love. Because everyone knows that love at sea is hard enough to last while you are together even less once your contract is over.
The crew knows on the next contract, love is waiting to happen.
Well, I didn’t get the memo.
…
I was his for the last time
We would sleep together. I would wait until his work is done. I can’t wait until he was lying beside me. He always showered, just as I would when everyone else left.
Well, except for our friend who sleeps below us. On ships, regular crew share rooms together and if you have someone, everyone is Ok to have an occasional visitor in the cabin.
I still remember our conversation that night, longer than the usual ‘funny stuff’ or him sharing his dreams for his family, his parents most especially to whom he would do anything.
He said he wanted to go to the beach the next day. I said, I would be happy to join him, and he said, he wanted that.
…
Hello, goodbye
We had fun at the beach. Until we both decided to sit down to enjoy our view of the ship. It looked too far from where we are, and a friend of ours was behind us with his camera, I never knew he would be taking a picture of us together.
I’ll be forever grateful to our friend, without him all that will be left of my love story is a memory etched in my heart.
I can’t remember what he said, but I know he said goodbye.
All the months together he was seeing someone else on the ship. He was dating his supervisor, someone who can help him advance in his career. Once he become a full waiter, he would earn ten times what he was making then.
His supervisor also invited him to Portugal where he was from, for a vacation.
He was telling me all this because the guy wanted him to stop seeing me. He had to choose, between me and his future.
There was silence.
It was over.
It was another heartbreak.
I never saw him again, not even on the ship. I never faulted him for choosing someone who had more to give, and who can make his dreams come true.
I did wish him the best, and I still do to this day.
Thank you for reading.
…
PS. — The news of Irene Cara’s death brought me back to one of the songs from the movie Fame — Is it okay if I call you mine? The song starts with these lines, this is my love story all began.
Is it okay if I call you mine just for a time?
And I will be just fine
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com