As you get older, you become more aware that life is unpredictable. Things don’t go as you planned, and you might also lose people along the way. They said you couldn’t escape heartbreaks. It’s there to make you emotionally stronger.
But I had to disagree. If you are an adult, most of the time, you know what’s wrong and what’s right for you. Even before you say “yes” to that one Tinder match, you already got the picture of what you are getting yourself into.
I had that realization when I moved to Bali 2 months ago. If you don’t know yet, there’s this trend where local girls date Western guys — which is also called “bule.” While I’m not saying all of the girls here desperately looking for a white man, I’ve seen a lot who do.
Now I hear you are asking, “so what’s the problem?” — There are many, actually.
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How It All Started
About two weeks ago, I was invited to a private party where all the guys are foreigners, and the girls are all local. It’s crazy messy. The girls weren’t interested in talking to me because they focused on getting the guys’ attention. I felt a big competition vibe in the room.
30 minutes later, one lady confronted me in front of everyone, asking why did I talk to his husband. I told her there were some other people too that I spoke with and had no bad intentions of stealing his “bule” husband. But she didn’t buy it.
From her eyes, I could see so much fear and insecurity. It’s sad how women tear each other up just to get a bule. I’m not sure what’s special about dating them. Sure, they speak and look different, but that doesn’t give you a pass to diss and treat other women badly.
But the worst thing about all this is how these girls just got wasted. This should be expected because these guys are tourists, after all. They come to Bali to have fun. Getting in an exclusive relationship with them should be out of the window.
Sure, there are some examples of those girls who made it and had a successful long-term relationship with these bules. But that doesn’t happen to the majority of girls here, especially when you meet them through an online dating App.
This is what leads me hard to believe that there’s a healthy and genuine relationship between a local girl and a white man. I’ve heard more tragic stories than the good ones.
The recent one came from a friend of mine who decided to get married to someone from the Netherland after three months of meeting him. A year later, she filed a divorce after she found out he cheated on her (with another local girl she knew).
It really broke her, and since then, she became wild and attended as many parties as she could in a week. One time I asked her, “are you planning to marry another bule in the future?” and she replied with a “yes” without even thinking about it.
I get it that it might be her preference. But something that bothers me is the way she devalued her body just to get anyone as long as it’s bule. Many girls who have the same mindset don’t think much about the guy’s character or whether he respects her.
It’s more of the pride of getting the status and want the people around her to see it as she has achieved something. And when she couldn’t make it work with one guy, there will always be another bule to chase — at least that’s what she thinks.
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The Takeaway
I wrote an article about women who shouldn’t see their worth from the man’s eyes. And while this is an obvious thing you need to do to have a healthy and successful relationship, many girls just don’t see it that way.
As a woman, we are so used to the idea that we are meant to please men. But we are capable of doing more than that. But most of all, we can’t expect men to respect and appreciate us if we don’t see ourselves as worthy.
And it’s actually not that hard. It’s not that hard to say “no” to something that doesn’t serve any good purpose in your life. It’s not that hard to get off from the toxic dating app that wants nothing but your body.
I’m not currently single, but I was once there in this Bali dating pool, and one thing that I can tell you is that; your life is too precious to get wasted.
If I didn’t remove myself from that toxic environment before, I don’t think I would be in a healthy and stable relationship now. And as José ever said,
“Dignity has no price. When someone starts making small concessions, in the end, life loses all meaning.” ‒ José Saramago.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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