If you are reading this article on a Sunday, you know that there were many parties across the country yesterday of people celebrating tying the knot and saying their vows. If you are reading this on any other day of the week then you probably are thinking about your marriage, planning to get married or wonder if you should ever get married at all. I hear you, I am also having one of those thoughts. You want to know what exactly I am thinking? Great, ride along
The way I see it, there are two sides to every marriage just like those of a coin you can’t have one without the other. You have the exciting side, the one that promises you a future marked with the words “happily ever after.” These words are so promising that you are willing to even go into debt so that you can cross into the other side.
But after crossing you start feeling like you didn’t make the right choice, now that the excitement is gone and all the butterflies are dead you start facing the reality. We all know that sometimes it is hard to face reality and those who congratulated you for the bold decision that you made will no longer be there to sing you a lulu bay on those sleepless nights.
What if there was a way to avoid all that pain and confusion? What if you could make a decision that was purely your own and has nothing to do with what other people think? I mean what if the “happily ever after” could just be “happily ever?” that way you get to be happy and enjoy not only the good times but the hard ones as well not after crossing to the other side but even before.
You know those vows make it sound like we need to make a sacrifice that we should know we are choosing this one person and we can never leave them for better or for worse. Maybe I am too optimistic but if you have the right person it feels less of a sacrifice and those good and bad times actually make you happy because in the good times you rejoice and in the bad ones you think.
I know you are still wondering what is the title about? Don’t I want to have a wedding? and if I do why would I reject people?
To answer your questions I will first have to explain what I think marriage is and how it should be to me.
First of all, it is not about the parties. I understand the urge to celebrate one of the most important days in our lives but what I do not agree with is putting all the effort into perfecting this one day and forget about the rest of our lives that come after that. Now if I at all will get married then I will spend most of the courtship days setting a foundation for the marriage. That one day is just to make things official and say your vows in front of witnesses and God.
Once the going gets rough, once you start hitting bumps on the road you will remember nothing from your ceremony even the suit you wore or that beautiful dress that she wore don’t fit you anymore. At this point all you have is yourselves and the foundation that you built, now the stronger the foundation the stronger the marriage.
I am not saying that there will be no party on the day that I get married, I am not saying that people shouldn’t celebrate this important day. What I am trying to say is this one day is not all you need to succeed in your marriage, you will need more than a fancy day with people you barely know.
Invest in building a better foundation and after that, you can celebrate the day however you want it. It is also okay if you want to get married and not make a whole big deal out of it and that is what I mean by “I don’t want people in my wedding who wont be there for my marriage”
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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