I got my vaccine today and as superhero operations go, the process was very smooth. I shouldn’t call it a superhero operation though, that really depends on what powers I get and how I choose to use them. I could turn out evil.
I was vaccinated through a government program and that’s pretty much the way all supervillain stories start. A lab, an experiment, and some tragic backstory often fuel the supervillain. I did not get a chance to eat a doughnut today, and I think we can all agree that is pretty tragic. Now that my motivation is in place, perhaps I am going to become a supervillain?
Social media has had a lot to say about the vaccine. There is quite a vocal bunch that believes it will change my DNA. That’s what I’m hoping for.
Maybe the ability to fly or turn invisible? I could use both those superpowers to do good in the world. However, what if instead I grow a third arm out of my forehead or get a blond streak through my back hair? I guess that would be supervillain territory.
I’m just saying that it’s been three hours since my vaccine, and I don’t feel a damn thing. Wait, there is one thing that’s different that should be mentioned here. My arm hurts.
But, wait! It’s not the arm I got the shot in. How’s that for a plot twist? I’ve noticed that my arm does look Hulk-like, so perhaps that’s the way I’m going to change. Does anyone know the amount of gamma radiation is in the vaccine?
There are others on social media that say there is a microchip in the vaccine, and now I am tracked. This is troubling, and I will immediately use my phone to post how concerned I am. The phone that requires my fingerprint and my face to activate that is controlled by a company that made me sign a list of agreements that I didn’t read. Perhaps I’ll ask my Echo what’s going on as that is always listening.
But I can confirm that there is a microchip in the vaccine. There you go, conspiracy nuts, this is your hard proof. However, I am a bit disappointed with my microchip.
So far, the only thing it has said to me was to ask if I wanted a chance to upgrade my car’s warranty. I mean, that’s a pretty good offer, and I might do it. But I expected that being microchipped came with more benefits like the ability to hack Hillary’s emails.
I’ve stared at my computer for a good ten minutes though and nothing has happened. Maybe my microchip is wonky. Does anyone have the number for microchip customer service?
For me to get the vaccine, I had to drive an hour out of town. It’s was a nice trip, and everything went smoothly. And it did give me time to think as we drove back. I think I’m going to be a superhero, no matter what happens. And like all superhero stories, the true power was with me all along.
I had the power to navigate the absolute cluster crap of vaccine registration websites and put myself and my wife on as many lists as possible (10). I had the ability to understand that the rollout of the vaccine in my state is atrocious, but I’m quite good at working the system. And even though I’m in the correct tier, I couldn’t get the vaccine anywhere near where I live, which is a large city in my state.
I had to drive to a rural area where there is a mass vaccination site. Why is it placed in a low population area? I’ll let you debate that, but it feels intentional.
I also have the super-secret power of being able to take a day off work, my wife to take a day off work, drive an hour away in a car that is reliable, and pay for the tank of gas. For a vaccine that is supposed to be free and available to everyone, that’s not the way it is. At least not in my neck of the woods.
So, my superpower, the one that I had all along, was that I can afford to get the vaccine. Many people can’t. There is 100% a cost to getting the vaccine and if you can’t pay it, then you continue to sit and wait in quarantine. You have to hope that you don’t catch a virus that has killed half a million people and know that the systems that were supposed to help you were intentionally sabotaged by nearsightedness and inaction. And for those people, I feel the anger building inside me.
Maybe that’s my backstory as I think I am starting to sprout wings. I can fly to my state capital and ask them why they were not prepared at all for the vaccine rollout. I can use my supervision to campaign for change and equality, and I can use my speedy typing skills to continue to write about the things that need to be done better.
But, honestly, being the Hulk would be pretty cool, too.