Allana Pratt, Intimacy Expert (and single mom) talks to a Dad with full custody of three kids. He’s having trouble finding a woman interested in the whole ‘package.’
Question: I am 39 years old, I am a man, I have custody of my three kids. When we first split up, I had the place to myself, women were everywhere, but now – women just lose interest. Or maybe it’s me…
Answer: This is an awesome question! Of course, when you are not in dad mode, you are in hunk mode, stud mode, sexual guy mode, all the time in the world mode – of course, you are going to have more women around. You’ve got the time, the energy, the money – the whole thing. It makes sense.
So now that you’ve got kids full-time, now you are dad mode all the time. It is really no different than a mom that loses her mojo, you’re a dad who has lost his mojo. Again you are in dad mode, provider mode. He is making lunches and dropping kids off and navigating crap that goes on. You are giving all your love, your attention, your patience, your playfulness – you are giving everything to your kids so there’s not much left over for you and you’re not in that noble badass sexual energy in your pelvis, you are probably a lot in your head and in your heart giving, but not so much in your sexual energy.
So, it is probably circumstantial, but it is also energetic and so what I recommend is that you make time for dad – every day and certainly once a week. What is it that makes you feel like a badass? What is that gets you in your body? What is it that makes you up your edge, risking, focusing on your legacy, your calling? What are you here on the planet for? It could be being a dad. That could be your calling, and yet that energy could be used to go do some martial arts, go surfing, go into nature. Maybe you like to write, join a writing group. Maybe you like to act – do that. Or just spend some time on your body, just go to the gym and get strong. Or maybe go to yoga and let go of all of your stress. There is something that you require to drop into your belly and drop down into your pelvis, where you can feel that sexual energy again. So that even though you are a dad most of the time, you are still a man.
While that is certainly a lot of doing energy, there is also the other side of receptivity – receiving, allowing a woman to be devoted to you. You’ve got to make space, you’ve got to open as well. Quite often when we “do…do…do”, we don’t open and allow. So, I want you to start visualizing what would a life that totally turns you on look like? Feel like? Smell like? Taste like? Focus more on that then “Where the hell is she!” Your frustration is validated. Take some time to be a man.
I have a recommendation because you are a busy Dad. I have a DVD 6 week curriculum called Dear Lover. It is amazing, it has interviews, my curriculum, and it goes through clearing away any blocks you have in your heart, in your sexuality, anything you need to forgive others, or for yourself, so you can just be totally present and grounded for her. Notice as you put you first, and go through this curriculum in between work, soccer practice, laundry or once they’re in bed… you will start to value your masculinity more, your sense of worth, your capacity to create balance for those great kids AND believe deep in your heart that there IS a great woman out there looking exactly for YOU.
I look forward to hearing how you feel the fullness of your grandeur, an amazing, sexy, dad… which will make her know you are the one for her.
All my love, Allana
Photo: www.Flickr.com Joe Lavin
p.s. Additional resources to get you into your masculine badass energy, are found in my complementary report and video series at www.GetHerToSayYes.com. My counter intuitive advice gives you a woman’s perspective that make women truly appreciate the authentic man you are. Enjoy!