I don’t know about you, but I have fallen in love with side-hustling. I’m not alone. A recent survey found that around 45% of working Americans report having some kind of side gig outside of their primary job. Like me, they enjoy earning a few extra dollars to supplement their income.
That is how I ended up becoming a mystery shopper.
A mystery shopper is a paid consumer who is hired to shop in stores and collect data. Think of a mystery shopper as “undercover customer” sent in to observe, interact, and report on other customers and store employees. I had heard that a mystery shopper can earn a decent amount of money doing fairly simple tasks like checking if certain products are in stock, or photographing store displays, for example. So, I found a mystery shopping app that had good reviews, downloaded it, signed myself up and stepped into the world of undercover shopping. I’ve made over $1000 this year. Not bad!
The whole mystery shopping phenomenon got me thinking. Could this concept be adapted to observe and review things outside of the retail sphere? I wondered, for example, could I send a “mystery shopper” into a church, rather than a shop? Suddenly I saw an opportunity to merge the world of “mystery shopping” with my other passion — researching and writing about religion and spirituality — and a plan began to form in my mind.
The Experiment
What would happen if someone who has never been immersed in the world of cultural Christianity attended church for the first time? What would they think? How would they react? Would they feel welcomed and accepted? Would they feel ‘weirded out?’ What would they find strange? What would they enjoy? Would they actually be enriched by the experience?
As someone who started attended church shortly after I was conceived, I have never had the benefit of going to church as one who was experiencing it for the very first time – at least with an adult level of consciousness. For me, church was part of my life from my earliest memories.
But with church attendances plummeting across the Western world, why wouldn’t it be worthwhile to get someone to take a look at it with a fresh set of eyes? Who knows? Maybe the church could learn a few things by listening to the people they are supposedly trying to reach.
So, I decided that I would find a religious skeptic who was willing to undertake a church “mystery shopping” mission for me. They would attend a random congregation as an “undercover parishioner” and make notes about every aspect of the church and church service, all in the name of ‘market’ research of the religious kind.
All I needed was a volunteer.
The Subject
For this experiment to work, I really wanted to find someone who had never been to church before. The problem I have is that too many of my friends have been part of the ‘Christian bubble’ at one time or another. Not to be discouraged, I sought out a friend of mine — a guy who promotes night clubs down town in the city in which I live. If anyone could find me a willing participant for my little social experiment, it was him. Sure enough, he came through with the goods.
That is how I met Charlotte.
Charlotte is a friendly, vivacious and bright 25-year-old. She has a healthy skepticism for religion but is refreshingly open-minded about the possibilities. Best of all, she has never been inside a church before — apart from some weddings and a funeral, neither of which count as a normal church service.
Much to my surprise, Charlotte was eager to give church a go! Her attitude is, “You gotta try everything once, right?” I already admired Charlotte’s courage, but my admiration went to another level when she told me that she was going to go along to the service with her girlfriend. It turns out that Charlotte is in a same-sex relationship.
I felt slightly guilty at the possibility of subjecting my new friend and her partner to a potentially hostile reception, yet I also considered it a stroke of luck. Previously I had written about whether a same-sex couple would be welcome in church, but, at that point, was unable to test my theories with human subjects. The fact that a same-sex couple was now willing to be my “church mystery shoppers” added another layer of intrigue.
The Church
I tried to select a fairly mainstream traditional, conservative Evangelical church for Charlotte to try, so she could experience a typical church service — if such a thing exists. This particular church believes that the Bible is the literal, inerrant and divinely inspired word of God, that women shouldn’t hold positions of leadership in the church and, of course, that homosexuality is a sin.
Usually around 200 people attend this church on any given Sunday. However, any chance that Charlotte and her partner might be able to just “blend in” with the crowd were quickly dashed. Due to COVID-19 restrictions, I had to pre-book her ‘tickets’ to church, because only a limited number of people are allowed in the building at once. Not only was the crowd going to be much smaller, but the church now knew in advance that she was coming along.
What could possibly go wrong?
So, what happened?
Ironically, on the appointed Sunday morning of Charlotte’s church visit, I prayed much more than I ever had back in the day when used to attend church in person. I prayed that the people there would be welcoming and accepting. I prayed that the people wouldn’t misrepresent the loving God they profess to believe in. And, above all, I prayed that Charlotte and her partner wouldn’t be offended or hurt.
I was relieved when I finally received a text message from her saying that the mission was complete and it, “wasn’t all that bad!”
Phew!
Later in the week, I got to interview Charlotte about her experience. It was fascinating to me to hear what an outsider thought about the church and its various eccentricities. For several hours we talked back-and-forth about the good, the bad and the ugly of Charlotte’s first ever church experience. Here were some of her key observations:
The Welcome
Within seconds of arriving at Church, Charlotte learned that they had been waiting for her. “Hello!” said a lady who was standing at the door of the sanctuary, brandishing a clipboard and grinning from ear to ear. “You must be Charlotte! You are the only person on my list whose name I didn’t recognize!”
Obviously, they were the only ‘non-regulars’ in attendance that day. In fact, Charlotte got the distinct impression that having visitors was rather a novelty for this particular congregation. Consequently, people were very friendly and welcoming, to the point of being over-the-top, with the pastor’s wife leading the charge.
The Interrogation
Charlotte and her partner were ushered to their seat where, no sooner had they sat down, than the Pastor’s wife began to fire off a series of “get-to-know-you” questions like a semi-automatic firearm shooting in rapid succession: “Who are you? Where are you from? Where do you live? What do you do? Why have you come? Are you regulars at church When was the last time you went to church?”
When I asked Charlotte how it felt to be questioned like this, the first word that fell out of her mouth was, “Invasive.”
“Like I get that she was trying to be friendly and all, but she was asking questions that were quite personal and I didn’t really want to share it with a person I just met,” explained Charlotte.
This did not surprise me. A recent Barna Group survey observed that the only piece of information a sizeable majority of Millennials are comfortable sharing with a church is their first name (82%). Only half are willing to give their last names (53%), and just one-third are comfortable sharing their email address (33%).
Even less are comfortable handing over their physical address (19%), and fewer again their phone number (12%). A mere 6% are willing to grant access on social media, such as friending on Facebook or following on Twitter or Instagram. About one in six Millennials would rather not share anything (15%) with the church.
Perhaps this explains Charlotte’s reticence to share too much about herself —that, and the fact that she didn’t want to blow her cover as an undercover parishioner!
The other observation that Charlotte made about here interaction with the pastor’s wife was that although she was asking personal questions, it did not feel like she was being sincere. “It all felt a bit forced,” explained Charlotte, “Rather like an interrogation.”
The Service
The interrogation ended when the worship leader started strumming his guitar with gusto and enthusiastically invited the congregation to stand and sing. This was one of the parts of the service that I thought Charlotte might find the most weird. To my surprise, Charlotte reported that she enjoyed the music. She didn’t feel compelled to sing, but she thought the songs were upbeat and catchy and found herself tapping along.
The singing was followed by Communion or the “Lord’s Supper,” where congregants take some bread and wine to commemorate the death of Christ. This involved leaving the safety of the pew and making your way down to the front of the church where the communion elements were distributed (and where everyone can get a good look at the visitors!) Charlotte, to her credit, rose to the occasion and willingly partook of the Communion meal despite her religious skepticism. “Why not?” She said. “If Jesus is really for everyone, then I guess he won’t have a problem with it.” Charlotte’s partner was rather less excited by the prospect of getting up in front of everyone and walking to the front of the chapel, and thus, remained firmly in her seat. Completely understandable.
At least the collection of tithes and offerings were not a ‘stand and deliver’ affair, with the collection bag being carried around by the ushers. Charlotte gave a polite shake of the head when the offering bag was thrust under her nose, and the usher nodded his head understandingly and moved onto the next person. Fortunately, I had prepped Charlotte somewhat for this and made it clear that she ought not feel any compulsion to give.
A couple more songs, a prayer, and then it was time to hear the word of the Lord from the Lord’s anointed.
The Word
The Senior pastor rose from his pew — in the front row of course — and. with gravity, ascended the stairs to the pulpit. His sermon was entitled: “Be a Good Citizen” and drew heavily from a Biblical backwater known as the Book of Titus. You’ve probably never heard of it. Neither had Charlotte.
The pastor started by reminding everyone what a good citizen should do and be, including a ten minutes spiel on paying your taxes. I didn’t realize that paying taxes was optional. Charlotte described this as essentially a lecture on how to be a decent human, largely consisting of common sense. There was nothing spiritual, profound or life-changing. In fact, it was all rather drab and dull.
Then the pastor changed tact slightly by zeroing in on Titus 3:1 which the Biblical scholars among us will know says:
“Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, and to be obedient.”
He then spent the remainder of his sermon doing exactly that — reminding everyone to submit to authority. Around and around and around he went like an airplane stuck in a holding pattern above an airport, while everyone inside the plane just wants it to land so they can all get off and go home. Still, the pastor couldn’t resist the opportunity to exegete, in great detail, a Bible verse that is absolutely vital to maintaining systems of power and control —systems like the institutionalized church, for example.
Charlotte doesn’t recall any of the lesser themes of the Bible — things like love, grace, salvation, or God’s redemptive plan for the world through Jesus Christ and the existential framework it provides to humankind — being mentioned by the Pastor. (Sarcasm intended). She described the sermon overall as sounding rather political. It was not particularly inspiring, enlightening or helpful.
At least it only went for half an hour — a small mercy.
The Recruitment
At the conclusion of the service, Charlotte and her partner rose from their pew and resolved to make a hasty departure, but the eagle-eyed Pastor’s wife cut them off at the pass. A second round of fever-pitched questioning ensued: “What did you think of the service? What past experience have you had of church? What are you here today? Why did you choose this church specifically?”
And then, just when it appeared the conversation was finally fizzling out, the Pastor’s wife finally asked the question that Charlotte felt she had been leading up to or quite some time: “So, will we see you again? Will you be back next week?”
“Oh… umm… I’m not sure what we will be doing,” Charlotte fumbled. Not to be deterred the Pastor’s wife waved over a younger member of the congregation and introduced her to Charlotte. “This felt like a ‘tag-team’ arrangement where the Pastor’s wife stepped out and the younger congregant seamlessly picked up the conversation,” Said Charlotte.
The younger member invited Charlotte and her partner to a ‘young adult’s evening’ that the church runs on Thursday evenings. She even volunteered the time and location. “So, will you come along?” She pressed. “We will have to check what we are doing,” replied Charlotte coolly.
The younger member then proceeded to ask exactly the same questions that the Pastor’s wife has ask not minutes earlier: “Where are you from? Why are you here? What do you do? What did you think of the service?”
Then finally came the question that Charlotte had been quietly dreading.
The elephant in the room
“So, are you guys sisters?” Asked the younger member.
At last! The elephant in the room!
One of the things that I really appreciated about Charlotte was that she accepted the “church mystery shopping” mission out of genuine interest and curiosity. She didn’t go into the church to disrespect anyone, make anyone feel uncomfortable or to prove some kind of point.
But this was a moment where she decided to tell the truth, even though it might not end well.
“Actually, we are partners,” Charlotte replied to the younger member.
According to Charlotte, the young person’s face just went blank as if she lacked the mental software to process the information that she had just received. To be fair, this was probably something that was way out of her scope of understanding. Most evangelic Christians don’t really acquaint with openly gay people.
“Oh…” Was all she could muster in reply. Her mouth kind of hung open after this single syllable had escaped.
Then there was a few painfully awkward seconds of silence.
Charlotte decided that it was time to wrap up the church visit and politely thanked her new church ‘friends’ for their hospitality and offered, “We really enjoyed the experience,” as her honest and truthful parting farewell. Then they made for the door.
The Aftermath
A couple of days after the service, Charlotte and her partner received a text message from the church, thanking them for coming along and expressing the church’s hope that they might see them again soon— a nice gesture, if not for the fact that their names were misspelled in the text. Oh well! It’s not like God know us all by name, right?
A few days later, I got to interview Charlotte at length about her “church mystery shopping” experience. If you would like to listen to that interview in full, it will be available on my podcast channel in the coming days.
When I asked Charlotte to summarize her first ever visit to a Christian Church into just a few key points, here were the key themes:
- The people came across as friendly, but it didn’t feel sincere. It felt like they were looking for someone to add to their numbers. It made Charlotte feel like a project, rather than a person.
- The level of questioning felt intrusive and too personal for a first-up conversation with someone they had just met
- The content of the service consisted of a bunch of common sense steps on how to be a good person, rather than some kind of life-transforming message.
- This particular church lacked the awareness and understanding to accommodate a same-sex couple in a way that wasn’t awkward and uncomfortable
“The experience, for me, was interesting,” said Charlotte, “ But I don’t think I’d ever go back.
Fair enough.
Some Personal Reflections
As a Christian, my biggest fear for Charlotte was that she would find the Christianity that she encountered during her “church mystery shopping” experience as something that was non-sensical, weird or even offensive.
But she didn’t.
Instead she just found it largely unhelpful and irrelevant. She learned nothing. It changed nothing. For her it was a waste of time. The church had an opportunity to convince Charlotte and her partner that it had something of value to say to them, and it blew it!
This is what gets me about the institutionalized church. Are we merely filling people’s time on a Sunday morning with religious activity, or we actually doing something that makes a difference? Are we peddling a religion that consists of being a good citizen, attending church, reading the Bible, saying our prayers and singing some songs, rather than a religion that brings about true and lasting change in ourselves and the world around us?
All too often, the answer is yes.
As bland as I find the average church service, I have not given up my faith because, free from the constraint of organized religion, I have found it personally life-giving and existentially satisfying. I only wish that we could find a way of doing Church that demonstrates the same.
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This post was previously published on Medium.com.
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Photo credit: NeONBRAND on Unsplash