We are taught to “be strong” and learn to deal with our triggers. We have been taught that this is brave. Well, that approach never worked for me. Being “strong enough” to co-exist with my triggers did not work for me.
Experience has shown me the best course of action for me is to identify each trigger and get it away from me (or myself away from it) as fast as possible. And these were the steps I took to do it.
- Identify the easiest trigger to remove first
- Remove the trigger entirely (or temporarily, as a test-run)
- Observe your mental (and emotional) state afterward
For example, I noticed I was constantly anxious when it came to my Android. I’d have panic attacks, I couldn’t stop checking it.
I suffered phantom vibrations and if I didn’t get a message from certain people I’d get plunged into anxiety, and sometimes even depression.
I observed my own changes, and tracked them, for a number of months — until I finally caught the pattern.
And I decided to do a little test.
. . .
I Bought A Dumbphone
A burner, and hid my android. Within 3 days my anxiety decreased by about a solid 90%. This percentage went up as each day passed. For me, it usually takes about three to four days for the full effects on my energy to subside (depending on the trigger).
I’ll usually spend that time looking back on the trigger and find different angles to understanding it — this is what I do with the space I take. And I ended up coming to a big realization.
When you get a phone you naturally expect to get some type of notification. Even if it’s only an alarm or default apps. Even if you place your phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ you still subconsciously program yourself to expect something to be waiting for you when you —
- wake up
- look at your phone
- think about your phone (admit it.)
This spirals out of control eventually. For some it happens as a slow burn, for others (like myself) it’s just a matter of days. And I figured out why this happens to some of us, but only when I threw out the android and cut the burner off.
. . .
Returning To The Comfort Zone
In January of this year, the burner cut off and I decided not to pay the bill. I work on Medium, it was a decision I could afford to make. And once I did, there was this instant natural peace I stepped into.
This part of my brain that had been running in the background since I first got a phone fourteen years ago, finally shut off. This is when I realized what causes the spiral. Having, and keeping, a cellphone kept my brain on all the time. When I slept it was kept on autopilot — still on.
And by cutting it off entirely, by not (physically) having a phone around me at all, I eliminated a level of anxiety from my life that I didn’t know was a factor in my life.
. . .
What’s Wrong With “The Comfort Zone”?
It surprised me how many variables of my anxiety could be traced back to a singular electronic. Almost as if without technology, I would have no anxiety at all (hm.). To test this theory, I —
- gave away my firestick
- canceled my Hulu & Netflix subscriptions
- opted for an old-school DVD player
- got an mp3 player
It worked (again).
I had more time to focus on my writing and on meditating. I wasn’t as distracted and was able to bring up painful emotions because many of my electronic crutches were gone.
I was finally going outside and I wasn’t electronically overwhelmed. For the most part, I was technologically free. And I finally began to ask, what’s wrong with the “comfort zone”?
I was finally getting my life back and I would never have done it without the anxiety. The chaos it created in my life ended up pushing me to create an unconditional way of living that now works better for me.
I used to be so judgmental of people who took forever to reply or weren’t text/social media-savvy. like that (obviously, I’m again reminded I did this to you) bc I genuinely didn’t understand, I really didn’t get it before.
I never knew that I would change. Now that I have, I understand. Having a phone is too much stress energetically, and being on social media is literally draining.
I actually like the solitude.
. . .
I Almost Didn’t Make These Changes
I was caught up in the “in order to grow you have to get uncomfortable” hustle culture promotes so much. But that mentality was literally traumatizing met lead me to go against my intuition. Why?
Because I believed that because something made me feel uncomfortable (stressed) it meant that I was “growing” in some way that would pay off later. So I kept myself in the fray because there is some truth to that decree.
However, this for me, included staying on social media and in shitty connections in order to “train” myself to be “strong enough” to handle it — instead of honoring my changes. I had been traumatizing myself under the belief I was adapting emotionally.
I was calling it strength, but strength isn’t becoming less responsive to pain (no matter how painful), based on repeated exposure. Strength is leaving the things that make us feel pained behind.
It means walking away and giving up. And for me, that was a choice as simple as giving up having a phone entirely. My life is a much more peaceful place, and so is my mind.
My time is my own and the people who are meant to be in communication always find a way, and vice versa. This has been the method of removing my triggers in order to relieve myself of anxiety is one I now consistently use in my life.
It’s that simple.
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This post was previously published on Change Becomes You.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | Why I Don’t Want to Talk About Race | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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