We had dated for over 2 years. That period was nothing short of a firecracker!
After several months of no communication, we slowly began hanging out again. But the nature of our relationship had changed. We were friends without benefits!
Most people found it strange. I didn’t. Or so I repeatedly told myself.
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Visiting Utah had been on my to-do list for a while. A while ago, when I mentioned my plans of visiting the state this Fall, she recommended visiting her.
“What better way to explore Utah than with a local”, I thought to myself.
But a few days before I was to leave for Salt Lake City, I found myself wanting to chicken out. I was about to meet her family! She and I are now…ugh…friends! That’s right. What would they think? Would this become the most awkward week of my life? I decided to embrace it and go with the flow.
I’m glad that I did.
4 life lessons I learned from getting to know her family members.
Relentlessly Pursue What Matters The Most To You
One of her nephews had severe mental health problems throughout his teens. His adolescent years were clouded by depression.
As a boy, he had been in and out of treatment for almost 8 years but couldn’t effectively resolve his problems.
Then one day, he decided to commit to healing himself. With the help of professionals from Liahona Treatment Center, he started improving. He dedicated the next five years of his life to pull himself out of the abyss.
I was lucky to hear about his journey to recovery. His consistency and dedication to pursuing what mattered the most to him — healing himself — were inspiring.
His life experiences have changed his career outlook. From being unsure of making it through college, he has had an immersive academic experience. He studied psychology but grasped concepts much better than his peers because he could relate every concept being taught to his past.
Equipped with the knowledge that is strongly backed by real-world experiences, he is now a man on a mission to uplift others in need of help.
Positively impacting the lives of people who are going through mental health challenges has become his life’s purpose.
The Culture of Caring
Her sister hosted me at her house for a week.
I was an absolute stranger to her but the kindness and generosity that she showed toward me were moving.
Her sister goes out of her way to help people in need. From homeless people in need of food and shelter to distressed children and orphans, she does her best toward all who cross her path.
I liked how serving her community is an integral part of who she is. It gives her opportunities to touch others’ lives in meaningful ways.
While I was at her house, she hosted 3 refugee children from Myanmar. She cooked and pampered them, and those kids had the time of their lives. They ran around her house and turned the place upside down, but it was all good. When they left, she wasn’t grumbling about having them over but was happy that she could provide them with a memorable experience.
It was refreshing to see that the needs of her family aren’t the only thing on her mind. Instead of going on spending sprees to project status and get a fake sense of contentment, she leads a more purposeful life by uplifting others.
Real fulfillment is achieved by extending a helping hand.
Don’t Flip People Off Especially Just For Kicks, It Might Backfire
One evening, one of her younger nephews, Philip, was at a high school football game with his friends. Their side won. After the match, while they were in the parking lot, one of his friends flipped off a supporter of the opposite team.
This angered those people a lot and things got ugly very fast.
They prevented Philip and his friends from leaving the parking lot, pulled them out of their car, and beat them to a pulp.
The cops were involved, people ended up needing urgent care, and charges were filed.
It shook Philip to his core. He is now afraid of going back to school.
Moral, don’t pick a fight with random people in parking lots on the road, or anywhere. Especially if they drive pick-up trucks with tons of bumper stickers. A lot of these guys have guns in their cars and an anger problem to boot.
It’s not worth it.
Nothing Can Stop You From Achieving When You Define Your Purpose
Her brother-in-law, Johnny, has built an awe-inspiring house for the comfort of his family.
He works as a patent attorney and has had a very successful career despite all the challenges his family members have dealt with.
On an individual level, he deals with high levels of work-related stress. I have noticed him going out late in the night to get fresh air, clear his head, and center himself. He often stayed up late to finish assignments or slipped away from long family dinners to do whatever it took to succeed. A drive to provide the best lifestyle for his family pushes him to give it his fullest despite the sleepless nights that come with his job.
As a father, he has seen his children go through all kinds of health issues for decades. Many of them have been in and out of hospitals and treatment centers for significant portions of their adolescent life. But he didn’t let that affect his career in any way. He stood by them during their darkest days but also stayed focused on his career progression. He knew he had to make it big for them to make it through.
Staying focused despite what life throws at you can be immensely rewarding.
Life Happens To Everyone. Being Grumpy About It Is Optional
From relationships to health, financial, and career challenges, her folks are going through them all.
Yet, almost none of them used it as an excuse to be unpleasant around each other.
For example, her sister-in-law constantly wrestles with her list of hard-to-resolve problems, under the pressure of which many of us (by which I mean I) would instantly crumble.
But she is among the most energetic, optimistic, and fun-loving people I have met. Her attitude is positive and her demeanor is warm and welcoming.
Moral, don’t be a pessimist even if life has dealt you a horrible hand of cards. No one likes a twisted prune.
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Life can surprise you with wonderful experiences. Having an open mind is often all you need to make them happen for you and get the most out of them.
While it is uncommon for most people to switch from romantic to friend-only relationships, I am glad that we took this unconventional path.
It has made me more aware of my own internal thought processes and respectful of my family’s dynamics.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Hobi industri on Unsplash