I saw someone from high school today, I think.
I only say I think because I recognized his face and his name and he clearly knew who the hell I was while I absolutely pretended I’d never seen him in my life.
He’s also kind of attractive, so it was a tough oil change to sit through.
There’s like a secret psychic thing I feel like we do with people we went to high school or college with. That hesitation to talk to each other or dive into our lives because you can’t help but compare and contrast everything you’ve done. Inadvertently measure where you’re “supposed to be” at this point in your lives like that makes sense or is fair at all.
It’s kinda like scrolling through Facebook and seeing that someone got engaged and you’re secretly furious and envious because you can’t even keep a conversation up on Tindr for more than 5 minutes, let alone 5 fucking years.
But I’m not salty. Promise.
I actually really love hearing older people talk about how long it took for them to get all of their shit together. Particularly like 35–40-year-olds who are like decently satisfied with their lives in general. Good job, a side hustle, and fun personal life. It keeps me grounded in a way that being surrounded by my peers doesn’t.
In a day and age where everyone’s success is laid out on socials or in-person when you awkwardly run into them at Target, I’ve learned I’d rather just go sit in the grass. And while that sounds stupid, it makes me feel better. The grass isn’t worried about going anywhere much. It grows a little just to get chopped off again.
I guess I’m trying to be like grass. Planted. Rooted. Not so worried about growing towards the stars and just trying to add a few centimeters this week. That feels more realistic. That “comfort zone” white male entrepreneurs and travel vloggers are always trying to warn me about, I guess.
Today and, quite honestly every fucking day, I’m just trying to live right here. Right now. To take it all in and appreciate everything as it comes. Before maybe last year, I never did that. And I was a wreck. My health was a wreck. My anxiety kept me up all night.
Now I sleep again and lemme tell you.
I really like my damn sleep.
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Previously published on Medium
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