There seems to be a wide held belief in the world of dating and relationships that is someone is thinking about you, then they are texting, tweeting, Facetiming, phoning you … whichever is their communication of choice. But if you are not receiving that kind of attention, does that mean that they aren’t actually interested?
For the last six weeks, a male friend of mine who’s in his 40s has been dating a really lovely divorcee with a five-year-old son. The other day, a Sunday evening, he was worrying himself silly about whether she liked him as much as he liked her because he hadn’t heard from her over the weekend. Their usual choice of communication is Whatsapp and a bit of Instagram banter. They also know each other from work, and he thought that he was in for an awkward Monday morning. It had been 48 hours of no contact – was he right to be worried, is she playing games?
If your love interest is not texting and phoning all the time, are they really interested?
The truth is that it usually isn’t as simple as that! Think about how many different types of people, personalities, and communicators there are in the world. Some people are completely attached to their phones and you can always expect a text back within two or three minutes of sending something. Some are quite happy to leave their devices in their bags for the entire day and just give them a quick check. Some people don’t even have phones, though those people are few and far between.
Does the time of day matter?
There is no doubt that certain kinds of messages elude to the fact that somebody is thinking about you at a specific time of the day. For example, if you receive a good morning text, then you can be pretty sure that you were the very first thing to pop into their head as they awoke! Similarly, a goodnight text can suggest that somebody is hoping to converse with you before they drift off or that they think you are the most important person to them at that very moment and they want you to be the last person they talk to before the day ends.
Though it can be pleasant and reassuring to receive regular messages or calls from somebody that you are seeing or are interested in seeing, something that has to be remembered is that we are all different! Some people like to lay it all out there and wear their hearts on their sleeves in an online interaction kind of way, but others, and I have personally known both, are the kinds of people who would rather save their best and most interesting conversation pieces for when you can be face to face rather than conversing through a small screen.
When the speed of reply might matter
When thinking about the speed and regularity at which somebody texts you or replies to you can also be an indicator not to how much they are thinking about you, but also to how balanced their feelings and attitude are towards the relationship that you are forming.
At the beginning of a flirty romance it can be really fun to exchange texts back and forth at a rapid fire rate. But, if you start to get multiple messages before you even have the time to write back, could it be a sign that the balance of feelings, or indeed balance of their personal life, could be slightly off?
The warning signs
It’s definitely nice to know that that person is thinking about you, but if they are thinking about you non-stop and the communication between you starts to be more of a chore than fun, then perhaps they are actually more interested than you and some re-evaluating needs to take place!
Equally, if you are texting at a totally normal rate and are receiving half-hearted, infrequent, sometimes even one word messages in reply, then it might be time to bite the bullet and accept that they just might not be that into you.
Ultimately, it is so difficult to tell how interested they are just from their texting routine, but if you play the game for long enough, you will definitely start to get a picture of whether it is just down to their messaging style, or perhaps something more telling!
By the way, the friend I mentioned earlier saw the lady he’s dating at work on Monday. The reason for the lack of contact was just that she had had a busy weekend with her son at her sister’s house, and thinks it’s rude to have her phone out whilst she’s there. They made up for the lack of contact on their lunch break, apparently!
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