You can talk all you want about getting over it, and letting go of the past. But until you do this you aren’t really doing that.
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Imagine for a moment that you were to get into a horrific car accident, one that changed your life forever — fragmented the very core of your existence. Everything you thought you knew about life was a lie, everything you were taught as a child has now faded into dust.
You can’t move on from that awful argument you had with your spouse, or the way your old boss treated you at your job, because once a day or maybe even more, you sit down in the living room of your mind and you watch that tape, over and over again.
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What if that car accident was recorded and someone handed it to you. Now you have full access to that moment, you can rewind, fast-forward, slow down, and pause every single second. Watch it in all its glory, from the moment your head slammed into the steering wheel, to the moment the car flipped over and skidded down the highway right into a ditch. Every single moment captured. Just for you.
Now I’ve never been in a car accident and hopefully never will be, the point I’m trying to make is we’ve all been in our own “car accidents” in life. Things we couldn’t get over, things that have not only physically damaged us, but damaged our very soul as well. You see people all the time, you meet these people, ordinary people like yourself.
Then one day a guy might tell you a story about himself. A story you don’t quite believe, because if this story is true, you don’t know how this person is standing, you don’t understand how they could’ve possibly gone through something so awful and yet still be here — not only here, but here and standing. They’re doing great things with their life. This doesn’t seem fair to you, you’ve been in same situation if not worse than this person! Why can’t you move on? Why can’t you thrive like this person? Now if I didn’t tell you why I think this, this would be a pretty shitty article, would it not?
I’ll tell you why. You haven’t burned the tape. We all have that tape locked in away in our mind. Somewhere deep down, maybe you bury the tape with denial or drugs. It’s there, it’s never going to go away, you need to burn the tape. You can’t move on from that awful argument you had with your spouse, or the way your old boss treated you at your job, because once a day or maybe even more, you sit down in the living room of your mind and you watch that tape, over and over again. You refuse to let go, you refuse to forget the way they hurt you or the way they talked down to you. Have you ever witnessed a car accident and watched someone just jump out of the car and run back home? No, they get help, the paramedics come. They ask questions. “What happened?” “Are you okay?” “Is there anyone we can call?”
These are all questions we should be asking ourselves every time we feel hurt by someone or something happens in our life that’s out of our control. You need to take a step back and fully review the tape of the incident in you your head and go over those questions. Once you’re finally done, you can burn the tape. Until you really do that, the tape will always exist. It will always keep replaying over and over in your mind. I know some of you are asking at this point, “Well why would I want to live in the past?” That’s not what I’m asking of you. To deny the past is to deny the very existence of life itself. The past, much like the future, affects us, to sit here and try to argue differently is ludicrous.
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Emotions are apart of the human condition. We cannot ignore with them, we can’t lock them in a closet and pretend they don’t exist and yet, sadly most people do. They try to pretend that everything is alright and that abusive relationship didn’t hurt them at all, they’re stronger for it, and now they can have a “battle” scar that they gloriously show off to everyone, so others can see what they went through. Scars only exist after the wound has been tended to and has been given the proper amount of time to heal. Most people don’t have scars to show, they have open wounds, which at any moment by the slightest comment or action a person does, can set them off. If you want to be all fancy with psyche terms, I believe its called triggers, and believe me people, we all have them.
… only one tape at a time is allowed in that slot. Only you have the power to eject it and start watching the new one.
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Now to end this rant, I propose a challenge to you as the reader. You may be confused by my “burn the tape” comment. You might say “If we burn the tape, wouldn’t that be just forgetting the past?” No, you see, it is necessary for all of us at some point to watch that tape. It may take months, years, but at some point when you’re ready, you have to watch it. When you do watch it, take your time with it, take however long you need. Rewind back to parts you just couldn’t understand, fast-forward through the parts that you may never be able to understand. Pause at the moments that just grip you, that make you wonder how you’re still standing and moving on with your life.
It’s OK to watch the tape, I encourage that a hundred percent. Yet, when it’s done, when the tape comes to its dramatic conclusion and you’re just staring at a blue screen, I want you to eject that tape and burn it. Not to forget the past, but to simply allow yourself to create new tapes to watch. For you see, only one tape at a time is allowed in that slot. Only you have the power to eject it and start watching the new one.
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Photo: Getty Images
What do you do when they keep forcing you to watch the tape?
Now the question: how do i burn the tape?
I like this one. Letting go is never easy but i think its worth it when the past is keep dragging you down.
Life is too short to make wrong choices everyday.