We sat at the bar. It was just getting busy and I’d already had enough tequila to get a little more honest than I usually should.
“So are you two getting serious?” I blurted out. Just how my mother would say. Which is more than slightly embarrassing.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“So…are there future plans?”
“Oh, nothing. Nothing for a long time”
Unlike the rest of the room, the tiny space we both occupied went dead silent. Not because I was concerned, I was just confused. And about 3 seconds of dead air feels like 3 minutes when you’re intoxicated.
“We decided not to get married at all.”
So I’ve never been married. I don’t think I have any intention to do so. But I’m also not even dating anyone, so what the hell do I know.
I do, however, know what I’ve observed. It’s something that I’ve had discussions about time and time again with people in relationships. Especially in light of a close family member getting divorced seemingly out of nowhere.
I had to sit down when I heard that one. A mess.
The only relationships that have lasted in my family are the least connected ones. Which sounds weird, but I think it’s true. There are two couples I want to talk about specifically:
#1: The two who never married
They’ve been together for long after a decade. They have a house. They have a child. They’re still together and (I’m naïve so I can’t verify this info) they’re still very happy. I’ve never heard a complain from either of them.
But their lives are also separate. They own different businesses and hang out in different circles and takes trips on their own. They don’t feel confined to one another, but they don’t want to go elsewhere. And for the longest time none of us could figure it out because we all bought into the idea that marriage = happiness.
So that brings us to the other.
#2: The two who don’t even live together
These two have been together for almost my entire lifetime. Yeah, I’m kinda young, but that’s a long-ass time to be together. Which is funny because they’re really not together all the time.
For a long stretch of their relationship (even their marriage) they slept in different houses. They actually still do have their own houses. It’s one of the strangest relationships I’ve ever seen work out so perfectly.
Now, like I said before: Who the fuck am I to say? I just observe.
And what I’ve observed is not only that convention isn’t working, the things we think would absolutely kill a relationship might be exactly what they need. Independence. Our own lives to explore in the company of someone who works with us and doesn’t hold us down.
Ain’t that something to consider?
This post was previously published on www.medium.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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