SHE STOOD IN AWE
Wonderful colors of spring flowers flowed about her body. She was topped off with red lipstick. She was raised here. The road was old. The streets ancient. Downtown Rosenberg, Texas still holds its 1940’s swagger. Saloons display black and white photos. The train tracks still divide housing. Now he was here too. Quietly a man walked next to her. His heart raced. His palms sweated. Down he went. She glanced over. He was on one knee. A diamond appeared. Shining a new future, it asked. For a future together. A woman of 40. 4 children. She was proposed to by a top 1% earning man.
Crazy? No…it’s really not.
That was a long time ago.
I proposed to a woman of this age. I proposed to a woman with this baggage. Nearly two years ago I wanted this type of woman.
I wasn’t a SIMP. I wasn’t a fool. I wasn’t desperate.
We didn’t marry because the father of her child became violent. The idea of us marrying was too much. If the police didn’t get involved, it would have been dangerous. Legal action was required to stop him. Restraining orders, charges, and the whole lot.
That is why we didn’t marry.
THE 20-YEAR-OLD COMPARISON TO A 40-YEAR-OLD
Women with life experience have opportunity. This opportunity is developing skills, character, and integrity. These attributes evade many younger women. If a woman doesn’t try to hold onto her youth forever, she can forever live a youthful life.
Let me repeat that.
If a woman doesn’t try and hold onto her youth forever, she can forever live a youthful life.
Our society celebrates young women. They are beautiful. They are attractive. They are what nearly all men find pleasing. They can bear children without high pregnancy risks. They are healthy. They have energy for children. I am not ignoring these facts.
The most beautiful woman in existence to a man is a woman who carries his child. There is no comparison.
What many younger women don’t have are relationship skills.
I am not marginalizing younger women. They can have relationship skills. It’s just rare.
This generation is a product of modern western culture.
Many younger women were raised outside the home. Most don’t have a stay at home parent to guarantee both parent’s values are instilled. Instead most are raised by media, government, and social circles. They are raised predominately by strangers.
This is the disadvantage to a two parent working household. Both parents spend more time away from their children than with their children. Many circles have values of independence. In most instances, outside circles teach selfishness. Therefore, many in this generation have accepted selfishness.
THE PRICE MOST GUYS ARE WILLING TO PAY
Before guys and some younger gals get mad. Hear me out. I mean. Let’s face facts.
Many guys give strippers and escorts thousands of dollars. With money these women can pay their bills. I’ve personally witnessed it. What’s their job? Appear sexy, stay quiet, and cater to a guy’s carnal instincts. They call them sugar babies. It’s a thing.
The cleverest ones don’t work in strip clubs or advertise online. They appear normal and are super discreet. These are the ones who hustle themselves into marriages. I know many.
Incentive for working hard is discouraged. These women aren’t to blame. The guys giving them money are the ones to blame. That’s the irony. Sure, they have individual responsibilities to be better people. It’s their fault for being who they are…but can we blame them?
Many younger women accept this arrangement. They go to the gym, look good and have sex. Conversation skills? None. Not required. Loyalty? None. Not required. Cooperation skills? None. Not required.
A reward for this arrangement is some guy’s resources. Notice I use the word “guy”. I don’t call these guys “men”. More on that later.
This is great for money and independence. It’s not great for a family minded person who has dependence in mind. No man can rely upon a woman who is independent. He needs to depend on her. You can’t depend on independence. The words are by root word definition opposite.
THE VALUE OF A WOMAN WITH CHILDREN
A woman who lives a little bit sees the fallacy in this approach.
She holds herself a lot better. Whether through necessity or wisdom she preserves what “men” value most. She is not a revolving door that lets any guy with a dollar pay his way in. She offers insight, wisdom, and even help. She offers emotional support. She loves children. She despises getting drunk. She isn’t in the club with a new guy because he has a more expensive car. She learns loyalty. She learns humility. She learns respect.
Men feel safe with type of woman. A woman at this level of maturity is poised, intelligent, wise, and calm. Her energy is calming not alarming.
UNDERSTANDING HOW MEN LOOK AT MARRIAGE
The biggest mischaracterization about divorce is men have it good. As a man with resources, you will lose at least half of all you have in a divorce. More importantly, you will lose more than resources. You will lose your legacy. Your children will be raised away from you. You will also deal with emotional stress one way or another.
For men, the burden of financial loss can affect so many aspects of their lives. The losses sustained to a man’s standard of living is generally between 10 and 40 percent, according to research from Utah State University.
Researchers estimate that divorced spouses would, on average, need more than a 30 percent income increase to maintain the same standard of living prior to divorce, according to financial advisors at The Balance.
In other words…divorce is the largest financial and emotional blow a man will ever face in his life.
Divorce is a big deal ladies. We will not risk all this for any woman. Today a woman can potentially just wake up on the wrong side of the bed and decide to file for divorce. There is no burden of proof for infidelity to grant divorce. There is no burden of proof to substantiate abuse to grant divorce.
Divorce can happen just because you don’t feel like being married anymore.
Numerous studies have shown this. 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women. This is according to a 2015 research study conducted by the American Sociological Association (ASA). The study suggests two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women. Among college-educated women, this number jumps to 90%.
These statititcs are scary to a lot of guys and men alike. Marriage is a very cautious subject for men. This is why many guys say they don’t ever want to get married. There’s a huge consequence for failure. The emotional aspect of women scares a lot of guys. Since they lack understanding on women any woman who cannot exhibit features, men perceive as “safe” will never be proposed to.
Agree or disagree. It doesn’t matter. Guys and men will never propose to you. They will just sleep with you and give you their pocket change.
THE BIGGEST HURDLE IN FRONT OF A WOMAN WITH CHILDREN
The biggest hurdle with women who are older than 30 is they act like they are 20. As a woman ages her beauty declines. Ladies these are facts to men. I’m not here to tell you what you want to hear. You can pity party each other. You can tell each other you are still as beautiful as you were when you were in college. I’m not going to tell you that. Men don’t see you that way. It won’t change.
You can still be beautiful ladies at 30. You can still have beauty at 40. It is possible to be a man’s most beautiful treasure at 50.
Here’s the thing.
The reason a woman is beautiful at 50 is not the same reason why they were beautiful at 20.
If you assume a man will accept the same shortcomings of a 20-year-old as a 30-year- old…women, you will not find much success. You will end up like the trolls in my comments. Mad, alone and complaining.
HOW TO INCREASE YOUR BEAUTY AS AN OLDER WOMAN
To maintain and increase your beauty develop the traits missing in younger women.
Maintain health. Go to the gym. Learn deference. Learn to show humility. Learn to make a man feel safe. Show him when he earns your trust, you allow him to lead. Learn cooperative behaviors. Learn how to dress appropriate for each scene. Learn how to develop a public appearance with him. Learn how to please him physically. Learn his definition of intimacy. Learn and accept his view on fidelity, cheating and loyalty. Learn how to enhance his life. Take interest in the things he does for the specific purpose of helping him.
That small paragraph will have you run circles around your younger competition ladies.
I personally know five highly successful, emotionally available, multimillionaires who chose to marry women with children. Think about that. These men are not unattractive. They were younger when they married. They could have chosen childless single women. There are many. Trust me.
LET GO OF THE DELUSION
I want to end with a very important topic. Women you must let go of delusion. The delusion is your view is how men should view the world. We do not see it like you. We never will. Men must let go of their delusion women need to see the world like them too. Despite this difference we must find a middle ground. We must find a path of cooperation. There are issues which do not require agreement. These issues simply require understanding. Understand a man will be a man. Men understand a woman will be a woman.
If you have children, you must recognize by definition you are more work. The reason is a man must learn to love more than one person.
I’m not saying it’s bad. I’m saying it’s more work. A man must spend time with you and a child. Even if your child is an angel, a man must work at building a relationship with them.
If you have only one child, you are twice the work of a childless woman. If you have two children, you are three times the work of a childless woman. You get the picture. Work can be enjoyable. Work can be wonderful. Just remember, you’re asking for a man to work a lot harder for you. Appreciate it. Don’t take it for granted. If you’re exactly like your younger counterpart, he will choose the younger one. Why? She is less work. Don’t try to stay young. Become a woman who makes a man feel full of youth. That’s why I once wanted to marry a 40-year-old woman with children.
To your knowledge success!
1) Utah State University. Educational Research Study on Financial Impacts of Divorce. (Accessed July, 29 2022)
2) The Balance. Fowles, Deborah. “A Guide to the Most Common Financial Issues of Divorce” (Published January 14, 2022)
3) Association for Psychological Science. “How To Save More Money: It’s a Matter of Time.” (Published October 16, 2013)
4) American Journal of Community Psychology. “Stability and Quality of Life Events and Psychological Symptomatology in Children of Divorce.” Sandler Irwin, Wolchik Sharlene, Braver Sanford, and Bruce Fogas (Program for Prevention Research, Arizona State University) Vol, 19, №4, 1991.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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