Love can be a roller coaster, complete with how you feel about your spouse. We all know what happens when you’re falling in love. You can’t stop thinking about the person, and you want to start a life with them no matter what it takes.
Then, there’s falling out of love. This often comes as a precursor to divorce. After all, most couples do not divorce when they are madly in love.
Let’s explore each.
Falling Out Of Love
When you see a couple falling out of love, you may wonder if they were in love to begin with. Yes, they were. Quite a few couples will fall in love, then fall out of love with time. Certain factors can cause that, including:
Boredom in the Marriage
When one thinks about marriage, they tend to think about settling down. When one thinks about settling down, they may imagine a boring marriage.
This is not how you should look at it! Marriage should positively challenge a person, and while there isn’t going to be something new every day, there should be ways couples mix it up. Whether it’s going on a new vacation, mixing it up in bed, or doing something else to add some spice, decreasing boredom is always a must.
Solution: Try to mix it up. Even if you’re stuck at home, try getting into new hobbies or activities, or mix it up in bed. Do something that’s stimulating.
Changing Interests or Goals
Another reason why couples can fall out of love is that they change over time. When people get married, they usually end up growing closer, but there are cases where couples may end up growing further apart. Perhaps they have different jobs with different schedules, or one person has an influential friend circle. Maybe one has kids, and the other doesn’t. There are many reasons why couples can change, thus causing them to fall out of love.
Solution: Try finding interests and goals that you share. If there is a polarizing goal, see if there’s a way for the two of you to reach a middle ground.
Lack of Passion
One stereotype about marriage is that once you’re married, you no longer have sex. This is simply untrue. While you may not be having as much sex as you did when you were younger, there should still be passion in one’s relationship. Whether it’s disinterest in sex, aging, looks fading, or another reason, it can make someone fall out of love. Luckily, many sexual issues are treatable through medication or therapy.
Solution: You may need to seek a doctor or sex therapist about this one. While it can be embarrassing to talk about, it’s quite common and many couples seek help for issues related to sex all of the time.
A Loss of Trust
Trust is a big reason why couples fall in love. There are some parts about you that you may not even trust with your best friend, and yet with your spouse, you can tell them anything. However, if the spouse does something to break trust, it can be challenging to rebuild it.
This can include telling someone else a secret, crossing a boundary, infidelity, or something else. It can be highly damaging to one’s relationship.
Solution: This is something that can take time. The one who has betrayed the trust must be patient, and realize that forgiveness doesn’t come overnight. Therapy may be required.
Miscommunications
Another reason why couples may fall out of love is because of miscommunications. You may imagine a relationship as something where both parties are in sync, but this is not always the case. If the couple has to communicate through text, for example, there are many ways that miscommunication can arise.
A joking comment may come across as malicious without the right indicators. Even in person, miscommunications can arise over time, causing drama in the relationship.
Solution: Find better or clearer ways to communicate. If you’re unsure, you may want to talk to a therapist about it.
The Gradualness of It
Falling out of love is usually a gradual process. You don’t just fall out of love overnight; it can take months, sometimes years. While it can creep up on you, it’s still a slow process.
In some cases, falling out of love, especially early in the relationship, can feel a bit shocking, but there is an easy explanation. This is usually due to the relationship not being love at all, but lust.
You may have been attracted to the person because of their looks or because of the sex. This is like a firework: it goes fast, explodes, then fades away just as fast as it happened. There’s nothing wrong with being in a casual relationship, but know the difference between love and lust. It can save you trouble in the long run.
The On-Again, Off-Again Side of a Relationship
You imagine a relationship as linear in regards to love. Someone falls in love, then stays in love until death. Or they fall in love, then out of love. In the case of the latter, perhaps therapy can restore feelings of love.
Then, you have the couples who are always falling in and out of love. You may know them as the on-again, off-again couples. Chances are, you may have been in a relationship or saw a relationship like this in high school. It tends to be associated with the younger crowd. With that said, any age can encounter this. This is usually because the problems in a relationship are fixed with a bandage, with the root causes not being addressed.
Therapy Can Help
If you’re falling out of love, couples counseling or therapy can be a solution. It can bring back the love that’s lost, or help to find closure in a relationship that was not meant to be. Speak to a therapist or counselor today, and get help.
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