Allana Pratt, Intimacy Expert, talks straight to a man who ‘thought’ he was happily married until…
Question: I am a happily married man but I think I am falling in love with another woman! Nothing has happened between us but we just have so much in common and I feel so connected to her. We find ourselves talking for hours and it is just – perfect. I don’t want to be unfaithful to my wife but I don’t want to be unfair to her either.
Answer: So many questions to ask YOU love! So first, were you REALLY happily married if you have met someone you feel so connected to? Had you become complacent in your marriage? Had you forgotten to give sunshine, water, fertilizer to nourish your marriage? Had you two forgotten to have date night, be grateful for one another… how long have you been ‘happily’ married?
Next love, do you have an open marriage? Have you ever talked about what happens if one of you gets attracted to another person? Do you have open lines of communication in place to discuss intense topics while staying honoring and connected? Have you agreed to monogamy?
I don’t believe one person can fulfill our EVERY need and I think it’s healthy for each partner to have people outside the marriage that fulfill some of their needs. Yet if you’ve made the commitment of monogamy and you want to sleep with this woman, if you know it’s just a matter of time before you sleep with her… then whoa nelly…it’s time to get real, get honest and communicate with your wife.
See, it’s an illusion that you are only alive around this new woman. … she’s waking up a part of you that’s always been inside you. She’s not the Source of your joy. Your joy has and always will be IN YOU.
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If it’s just an infatuation and you can promise yourself NOT to get physically intimate… I know this may not be PC, yet I have honestly successfully coached some men AND women in long term marriages who have wanted to have affairs… NOT to sleep with them! Instead to keep asking, What is this other person awakening in me? I coach them to be grateful for this catalyst waking up their mojo. Then let the infatuation, hormones and chemicals run their course… and now go BE this more full awakened self and CREATE that connection in the marriage!
Most of the time, this process sparks new passion, aliveness and gratitude in the marriage. Occasionally the marriage was already over, they were avoiding it, the new person just put it right in their face… and I’ve coached them through ‘consciously uncoupling’.
See, it’s honestly an illusion that you are only alive around this new woman. … she’s waking up a part of you that’s always been inside you. She’s not the Source of your joy. Honest. Your joy has and always will be IN YOU. If you’re committed to making your marriage work, keeps asking, What is it going to take to be this fully expressed and alive me IN my marriage?
Sometimes one marriage partner unknowingly (or knowingly) keeps the other partner small, so as to feel safe, control them, not rock the boat. Then you bump into a stranger who doesn’t hold you back and Whooosh! The expansion and freedom is intoxicating!
I see everything the Universe brings us as a gift to grow. Some gifts hurt like hell, some are excruciatingly sad and others still are erotically intimately phenomenal… yet ALL a gift.
I betcha in a single coaching session I can get to the gift in this, ask you non judgmental potent questions to get you to your deepest truth, so with clarity, courage and heart, you can make the choices a noble badass would make.
If that resonates with you, contact my [email protected] Subj: GMP sent me. And if you’re ready to learn more about how I help men become Kings and savor a deep fulfilling intimate relationship with their perfect mate, download my complementary report and video series at www.GetHerToSayYes.com
And breathe. Stay present. Stay in your body. EMBODY your inner noble badass who won’t steer you wrong. Deliciously, Allana xoox
Photo: http://www.bigstockphoto.com
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As one important person put it to me once, “Love is giving something that you do not have to a person who does not want it. Love is first and foremost negative.”
Why do the French and Americans call it Falling in love? Because in a true love, it’s just as quick exciting excruciating and painful, you look to the other in this fraction of a second and you’re suddenly confused, your whole life becomes into a different perspective, you’re on the ground, you need to gather your bearings because you’ve Fallen.
Never compromise your desire, ever.
“Why do you have to hurt one to love another?” biblicalfamilies.org
Despite the way you handle the situation toward the end (at your age, you should have known better), E. M. Paulson you are still loved and worthy of that love. A true love story never ends. Be Happy.
For those cheater are are spineless and so callous as to “bad mouthing” your OW just so you can get back in good grace with the wife, you are the biggest scum from hell. Seriously, not only that you have initially betrayed one woman (the wife), you then betrayed another (the lover). Integrity comes in many shapes and forms, to cheat just for the heck of cheating, running back when the situation no longer serve you, then on top of that lies, and berated the your lover just so you can now get back to your wife’s pants and have… Read more »
I too am a married man for 13 years. I’m 40 years old, a good person who doesn’t ever try to do anything to hurt other people. My wife is perfect. She is successful, smart, beautiful, a great mom and everyone loves her. That being said, there’s been little romance in our lives for years. We are soul mates on every level except that one, there’s no touching, kissing, romance. I have tried and I have talked to her at least every 6 months about this and things change for about 2 days and keep going back to where they… Read more »
Life is short. Follow your heart, perhaps the journey of you and your wife has come to an end. Stop using the kids as excuses. What is in a “marriage” if either partners is feeling unfulfilled? Anything less then real joys and fulfillment is just living a lie and pretense. You are doing a disservice to yourself, the woman you’re with, and the kids. Changes is inevitable. You can waste more of your time on this earth fighting to hang onto a life that is a lie or you can live fully. Find the courage to have that uneasy conversation… Read more »
I don’t agree. Do not be selfish or mistaken, true joy only comes from Jesus. He says seek Him first and all these things will be added unto you; joy, peace, love,happiness. You will find true joy when you die to your selfish desires and give to others; your wife and children, who God has entrusted to you! Take care of them and put their needs first and that is when you will find true joy, peace, and happiness! See the movie FIREPROOF it WILL change your life! God bless you!
In the same boat
Hi there,your comments describe my situation fairly well. I am 45 years old, my wife and I have been married for 13 years, we have 2 kids (6 and 10). My wife and I do have a good bond (and this will sound very cliched) but for several years it has been a relationship that’s based on companionship and co-parenting without any intimacy (sounds v clinical I know but child no 2 was essentially a recognition that our daughter needed a sibling). In many ways I knew some years ago that things weren’t working out but between work and kids… Read more »
Stay with your wife. You will fall out of love with this other women in a matter of month! You are right it is not worth destroying your precious children’s lives over! Stay committed to your wife and you will have no regrets! To fill the void in your life seek Jesus, He alone can fill your emptiness! I know I have been through all you are saying! I pray this helps someone! God bless you!
One more thing to say… it is not realistic to compare this lady to your wife. You have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly with your wife. This lady you have spent little time with! This is a huge trap! Don’t fall for it! You, your wife, and your children will pay a huge price for this mistake! Do you really want to be with a women that is willing to tear apart your family? Not a good caring person! RUN!!!
Pls stop immediately i don’t think its love u even mentioned how infatuated u are i can see u still love and respect your dear wife pls put this same romance u extend to this other woman/lady into your marriage work on it and see it come out just as beautiful as u imagine the one u have one leg stepped in pls step out be strong in the lord amd he will give u your heart desire
I married a girl to save her life because her parents were selling her to an abusive old man, and I could only save her through marriage. It’s been 2 years, and I can’t seem to love her. I like her a lot, and she’s very cute, but I don’t want to break her heart and tell her that I want divorce. I feel stuck yet I feel obligated to tell my wife the whole story. She knew I married her to save her life, but I took her virginity, and shes from a Muslim family and they can’t marry… Read more »
So, I am the other woman but nothing has happened and I want to say I would never but I feel that I am really in love with this guy. I am separated with 4 kiddos, my ex and I are best friends, he does his thing and I do mine. Anyways this guy that I am in love has been married for 3 yrs but with her a while longer, no kids and they don;t want any. We see each other about 2 – 3 times a week but always in a place of business (his work). Sometimes we… Read more »
Follow your your heart. End the marriage first,
Be careful your emotions will mislead and trick you! The Bible says a fool trusts in his own mind. Find out what God would have you do, follow that and you will be on the BEST path for your life. The Bible also says acknowledge Him (God/Jesus) and He will make your patches straight.
Hi sam, thanks for sharing your personal views as a married man. I am in the similar situation with Abigail which I have no intention to be a home wrecker. I just wondering, why a married man still able to flirt/making other women feel like he likes her, always being around and all that while he is a married man? I am now trying to ignore him but it seems like he keep trying to communicate with me and trying to find out why I suddenly become aloof. My message is clear, though I like him, I must accept the… Read more »
I completely understand. And as others say, don’t listen to the ones that are judgmental. No one know how you are feeling but you. You already know the answer of what to do, it’s just that you need reassurance that it is the right thing. The best advice I can tell you is to follow your heart. If you are feeling love from another woman, then go to her and enjoy it. You probably still love your wife, but ask yourself if you are in love with her, and yes there is a huge difference. I spent, no that’s wrong,… Read more »
I don’t think that girl – abigail has spent, no thats wrong, wasted 20 years of her life for her to grab any opportunity or make haste, atleast i felt so. As for me, I’m 24 and I wouldn’t make haste to break off someone else’s home apart for my happiness, I’d rather wait.
I actually completely understand how you feel…however, our stories are switched. I am the other woman that is in love with a married man. I work for him and I have to work with him every week. Nothing at all has happened between us but I can feel the love and the connection we have. It is a feeling unlike before and I know it’s not just a “crush.” But I love him so much I never cross the line nor do I intend to. I would never want to violate the vows he has created with his wife. They… Read more »
Hi Abigail, I first judged you when you related your story but when i read further when you said that you love him enough to not break his marriage apart and that you never cross the line, i garnered deep amount of respect for you Ms. I, too work with a girl who is very bubbly and we get connected so well, but she’s engaged so i know my line and i don’t intend to cross it. I know very well that she feels for me and a part of me sometime tells me to grab it and i know… Read more »
Please just be open to your wife. Tell how you feel about the other women. Then maybe you have a change to rebuild Your relationship. You said you still love your wife? Then she deserves you putting a 100% into your marriage. If a year goes by and you can’t live without the other women, then end it with your wife. She deserves to find someone who is worthy of her. Good luck and remember karma is bit@@