In 2023, every day is all about Phi Phi. Yes, she’s my fur baby, and I’m here to confess I treat her more like a child. We call her “anak,” which means child in our language.
Although I have another dog, we had Phi since she was two months old and she sleeps with us, yes, I’m partnered and we are a gay couple.
I’m gay, have no kids, and treat Phi like a child. Pope Francis will not like me.
Well, that’s life.
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Phi and I go to church every Sunday. During this past Christmas season, we had our first “Misa de Gallo,” a Filipino tradition of hearing mass for nine straight days leading up to Christmas Day.
We did it.
Phi Phi is always well-behaved inside the church, except when she sees a young boy who jumps around. For some reason, as she got older she doesn’t like kids and most of the time, she only likes — us.
Maybe, I failed as a fur parent.
It disturbs me when I think about it. And I do hope someday she would warm up again to kids. My solution is not to be around anyone. I don’t like leaving Phi alone, there is no reason for me to be away from her to be with ‘humans.’
To me Phi is everything, and with us, she is loving, caring, and obedient.
And that is enough.
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Pope Francis
ROME — Pope Francis has not been reluctant to offer his views on polarizing subjects, but on Wednesday, he waded into an issue involving two subjects on which consensus is almost impossible to find.
Pets and kids.
Speaking on parenthood during a general audience at the Vatican on Wednesday, Francis bemoaned the global decline in birthrates — what he described as a “demographic winter” — and was bluntly critical of couples who prefer to have pets rather than children.
People who have pets instead of children, the pope said, were being selfish, exhibiting a “denial of fatherhood or motherhood” that “diminishes us, it takes away our humanity.”
“Yes, dogs and cats take the place of children,” Francis said, laying out the harsh consequences of a childless future, including the inevitable drying up of pension plans. “Yes, it’s funny, I understand, but it is the reality.” — Excerpt, Pope Scolds Couples Who Choose Pets Over Kids
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A few days ago, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI died. I saw Pope Benedict in Rome when I was working on ships. As a Catholic, it was a dream to be near the pope, and to hear mass in the Vatican. I found out it was easier in Rome compared to when popes visited Manila, my hometown.
But when Pope Francis came to Manila, I also braved the crowds and walked for hours in the rain, to have a glimpse of the Vicarius Christi.
As a Catholic gay man, it is easy to feel judged by the Church. But I don’t hold grudges, especially with the Pope.
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Was he speaking about me, when he “scolded” couples who choose to have pets rather than children?
While it’s “always a risk” to have children biologically or through adoption, it’s “even more risky not having children.”
“We need to be open to motherhood and fatherhood otherwise we can be lacking in ourselves and we can lack in humanity,” Pope Francis said.
Now, not only am I gay but lacking in humanity.
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Did I ever want to have kids?
When Phi came into my life, I didn’t ask if I should have a dog. I accepted it. It could be the same with having children, you don’t ask that question.
Have I ever wanted to have kids, a few times I did ask that question myself. But I was trying to figure out life, and there were moments in my life when I can’t even take care of myself.
I love my nephews and nieces. And now that I’m in my 50s, I have four grand nephews and nieces. When I see them, I shower them with love, but when Phi came along, I know none of them are mine.
While my love for them doesn’t change, with Phi I know she is ‘ours.’
And that is why if you ask me now, do I love her more?
I do.
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I refuse to take what the Pope said personally, and there could be nuances as to what he said. It is true, that in some countries people are having fewer babies and it is hurting their society and economy.
It was the main plot of the Japanese movie, Plan 75.
Are people with pets choosing an easy path to finding joy? And are we who have pets giving up on being a mother or father can take some of our humanity away from us, as Pope Francis said?
Let me share this with you, an excerpt from Elizabeth Wurtzel (who is not a parent) wrote in Time that children are the sole point of our existence.
When I see married people who don’t have kids, I wonder what’s wrong. Really. Because something is. Of course it is. I mean, if you aren’t going to have children, why bother with the rest? Why bother with the $30,000 bash and the white crinoline dress? And you can say that about everything. What do you think we are doing here, biding our time on this planet with our misspent years, justifying our days with our ridiculous schemes of leisure? Is anyone’s life so meaningful? Really? Really, really, really? Is yours? — Excerpt, Elizabeth Wurtzel: The Pope Is Right — Kids Are the Point of Life
It could be all sarcasm.
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Final words
The church has always judged people, and in history, it erred a lot with its judgment.
Should poor people have kids? Why shouldn’t they? Should couples only have kids and not pets? Why can’t they have both or not have either?
Why should I need to choose between friends and Phi Phi? Why can’t I enjoy the joy that I feel now with Phi and not worry if I’m cutting people in my life?
I refuse to ask more questions. I am done asking. I am done trying to figure out life.
I want to enjoy my remaining days with my dogs, especially Phi. Yes, I try to give them the best that I could afford, and yes, I skimp on myself to provide them with the things I want for them.
I still see homeless people, or hungry kids, and even stray dogs. But I know I can’t save everyone, I can save myself and love my dogs.
We are all mammals, and mammals bear live young. It’s kind of that simple. When Louis Armstrong was asked, “What is jazz?” he famously answered that if you have to ask you’ll never know. “Should I have kids?” is the same. It’s not a question you answer. You just stop asking it. — Stephen Marche
Is it selfish?
I don’t know, but the Pope can’t judge me for loving.
Thank you for reading.
Sources
Elizabeth Wurtzel: The Pope Is Right — Kids Are the Point of Life
Pope Scolds Couples Who Choose Pets Over Kids
Pope Francis on Couples Who Decide to Have Pets Instead of Children: ‘Nations Suffer From This’
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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