Nathaniel Turner, on fathers, sons, and granting a mulligan.
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I’m not a golfer (unless you count miniature golf) but even I know that the other day, Tiger Woods shot his worst professional round. How do I know? I know because every sports media outlet and “Tiger hater” published or televised highlights – more accurately lowlights – of Tiger’s “bad” day. Sadly, when it comes to Tiger, a significant number of people seem drunk with bitterness and become almost euphoric when anything goes bad in his life.
On the same day Tiger was having his worst day as a professional golfer, my own son had one of the worst days of his life. But unlike Tiger, my son was able to call me so that we could discuss his bad day. I was able to give him some words of support and encouragement. I was able to remind him of his purpose so that he could press-on, move forward and do what is expected of him. Most importantly, I was able to tell him and reaffirm for him that no matter what there was at least one person who would always be there for him and who would love him unconditionally.
FATHERS ARE NECESSARY
Earl Woods passed on March 6, 2006. Before the elder Wood’s passing Tiger was on an otherworldly all-time great run. The only question about Tiger’s meteoric rise was how quickly Tiger would be deemed the greatest golfer in history.
After Earl’s passing, Tiger continued to win but did so not like Tiger rather like other mere mortal golfers. Over the past decade, Tiger’s dominance in golf has gone from a roar to a whisper. Tiger’s last major tournament win occurred at the U.S. Open (Torrey Pines Golf Course) on June 16, 2008. I can’t help but think the elder Wood’s passing has something to do with Tiger’s decline.
As a father of a young man who has burdens of his own but none close to those Tiger bears, I find myself more interested in Tiger Woods now than at any time previously. Before, I kept up with Tiger with passing interest as he demolished his competition. Now that he is no longer number one in the world or the cash cow for the PGA, I find Tiger even more compelling.
I would describe my interest in Tiger as sympathetic captivation. I am sympathetically captivated by Tiger because Tiger could be my son. A young man having to learn to live life without his father, mentor, role model, life coach, raving fan, and friend. A son having to adapt to living without the man who – for majority of his life – investigated, planned and supervised all the steps of his historic journey.
THAT WAS A MULLIGAN
I’m not Earl Woods nor did I have the privilege to know the late Mr. Woods. Nevertheless, as a father I have to imagine that at some point the elder Woods would have said to his son “Tiger, forget everything and everyone and just focus on today”. In golf terms, I envision that the elder Woods might have encouraged his son to approach life for the moment the way friends, in particular fathers and sons, play golf. Mr. Woods might have advised Tiger to take a “mulligan”.
When playing golf with friends (not to be confused with Words with Friends) and you hit a bad shot, you can ask for a mulligan. For the non-golf enthusiasts, a mulligan is a “do-over.” A mulligan allows you the opportunity to re-take the shot. Even better, a mulligan keeps what would be a bad shot – one that might potentially ruin the round – off the score card.
Granting mulligans are precisely the kind of thing good fathers offer their children. Giving a child a mulligan is not a pretense that something bad didn’t happen. Nor are mulligans given to condone a child’s poor behavior. Instead, giving a child a mulligan is father’s realization that little can be accomplished by harping exclusively on what went wrong and only pointing out the errors a child makes.
Instead of treating children the way Tiger is treated by the media, pundits and so-called friends, good fathers allow their children in golf and in life the opportunity to take a mulligan. Good fathers allow the mulligan for one strategic reason – so that they may pause and remain in that precise moment where they can give their child the good, proper and detailed instructions which are essential if their child is to avoid another bad shot.
I have to believe that if Earl Woods were alive today, he would grant his son that which so many others are unwilling to afford Tiger. Mr. Woods, I surmise, would give his son a mulligan. I know if Tiger were my son, I would happily give him another shot if it meant he might return to the man and golfer he was raised to be.
THE PRODIGAL SON
While we are on the subject of returning, let me remind the “haters” and the “hypocrites” about the story of “The Prodigal Son”. The story of “The Prodigal Son”, also known as the “Parable of the Lost Son”, is the story of a young man who lost his way in biblical proportions. “The Prodigal Son” parable is a story of failure, redemption, forgiveness and compassion.
It can be argued that the actions of “The Prodigal Son” were much worse than anything Tiger Woods is reported to have done. “The Prodigal Son” demanded his inheritance before his father died, he moved to a foreign land, he behaved completely contrary to his upbringing, he wasted his entire inheritance (faster than many professional athletes go through tens of millions of dollars), and he found himself working in the lowest profession – a profession forbidden by his faith.
Once things became unbearable, “The Prodigal Son” chose to return home to his father. And you won’t believe what happened next. The moment the father saw a glimpse of his returning son in the distance, the father ran to his son and embraced him expressing what can only be described as a father’s unconditional love.
As I reflect on my son’s bad day, I can’t help but think about Tiger Woods and “The Prodigal Son”. While so many stand in condemnation of Tiger Woods and while others rejoice in Tiger’s fall from golf dominance, I only wish Earl Woods was still alive. I bet the elder Woods would welcome his “Prodigal Son”. I bet you would welcome your child.
I wish Tiger’s dad was still able to do what I plan to do with my son when I see him next – look lovingly into his son’s eyes, welcome him with a comforting embrace, give him some stern yet supportive advice, and tell him that everything will be alright. Regrettably for Tiger, Earl is no longer able to greet him like a good father so that together they might turn a tragic departure into a triumphant return.
BE A TIGER
From here on out, I’m going to keep my eye on Tiger. A small part of me will be rooting for him to return to his dominating form so that he can become the greatest golfer of all-time. You should know that I kind of like chaos especially when it comes to seeing the windows of those who are so quick to throw stones watch in horror as their own glass houses are destroyed. If Eldrick Woods can become Tiger once more, it will be a blast to see the looks on the pundits and haters faces.
However, more than wanting to see broken glass and frowning faces, I’ll be watching to see if a man can regain his form. As a father, I’ll be compassionately watching and fervently hoping to see a son recover from losing his “dad, coach, mentor, best friend… and greatest role model”.
JUST KEEP LIVING
Today when my son shared the news of his bad day, I remembered the statement I made when he was an infant. My emphatic response to a friend when asked about estate planning was “I can’t die, I have to keep living”. My son’s bad day was a deafening signal to make sure I take the best possible care of myself. Tiger’s story is proof that I can’t count on others to help my son should he ever go astray, tragedy occur and/or when the world turns his back on him.
Watching Tiger’s journey particularly how has been treated and reviled since his father’s death has left me more cognizant of not only my own longevity but my value. Tiger’s journey is an example of the importance of fathers and how quickly everyone else will write your child off and be totally void of compassion.
I must keep living. I wish Earl Woods was still living. As the story goes, “The Prodigal Son” is welcomed back solely because of his father. Tiger needs his dad. My son needs me.
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AP Photo/ Mark J. Terrill
Nate,
A very good observation. I like it.