Most marriages end up in a divorce, so why bother trying anyway?
That’s why I think every time people from my village ask me to get married soon. By ‘asking’, it means pressuring me to go out there and lock a man to marry me asap.
It’s annoying. It’s mentally draining, especially when that’s all they focus on.
They don’t care about what your achievement is in your career, what kind of person you really are, how you treat your family, and all that stuffs.
They only care about one thing: a ring on your finger.
I wish more people knew that marriage isn’t the greatest accomplishment woman could ever have. Yes, it’s an important part of your life, but it’s not the only thing.
“Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.” — Carrie Bradshaw
Getting married is a choice — not merely an obligation.
Most of my peers are married to a man because they had to. I, too, had that kind of thinking for years until I moved out and figured that getting married is indeed a choice.
It’s not an obligation. There are no fixed rules on what age you should be married.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that you’re still single when you hit 30.
Social pressure is real. If you don’t know what you truly want, you can make decisions based on what others around you want to do. It happens all the time.
Especially when it comes to marriage. Some people like to force the idea of “being married will make you a happier person” on others. Even though we all know that’s not always the case.
Being raised in a broken home family where my mom remarried more than twice has taught me a valuable lesson about marriage.
Does being married still better than being single? Even if it’s not the right person for you…
Back in the village, I was surrounded by people who would get married as young as they could. So many factors why they do it, but mostly because of these:
- They don’t want to get judged by having the ‘single’ status
- They feel superior since they found someone to marry
- They think life will be better when you’re married
The thing is, none of them really care whether the person they married is the right one or not. As long as they’re out of the single status, that’s more than enough for them.
No surprise, when bad things happen, such as infidelity and abuse in their relationship, they don’t want to leave. Because they don’t think they can survive on their own.
So, would you rather be married to someone, even though you aren’t sure if he/she isn’t the right one for you? The most practical answer will be, of course, “no.”
That’s why it’s important to know yourself and what you want in your love life. Because it’s easy to get drawn into following other people’s expectations.
You don’t owe an explanation to anybody about your love life
I used to feel guilty whenever people asked about my love life and didn’t give them a proper explanation.
“Not ready for marriage yet.” That’s not what they want to hear.
But now I could care less about it. I mean, if being 28 is considered expired, then so be it. I don’t owe anyone an explanation, and nor do you.
It’s your life. Think about it this way; if you end up marrying the wrong person because you’re in a rush to settle down, you’ll be the one who needs to pay for the risks in the long run.
No one can save you.
My mom married a man whom my grandfather recommended. He thought he was a good man for her. But we all were wrong. Their marriage went downhill, and it only lasted for a year.
While this doesn’t happen a lot in western countries, it still pretty much happens in Asia. Where the freedom to either married or unmarried is very small.
It’s upsetting how many people still pressure young women to get married as soon as possible. And it’s unfair to see a woman’s value just based on their status at a certain age.
It’s even more emotionally draining to keep explaining your value to people who don’t want to see it.
If you’re reading this and you’re under pressure that you should settle down soon by the people around you, this is a reminder that you have all the power to make your own decision.
It’s more than okay to stay single until at least you’re 100% sure. Know this person you’re about to marry. Because nothing feels worse than settling down with the wrong person at the end of the day.
“Single is no longer a lack of options — but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out.” — Mandy Hale
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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