Though Robyn had been living her life as a woman in Queens, New York, her grandmother in Florida had yet to see her in person – a thought which gave Robyn a lot of anxiety. She would have to face these concerns head on in 2019 when she went to Florida for a family birthday.
00:04
I’m Robyn Sheopersad and I’m from Queens, New York.
00:08
In 1996, my mother died of a car accident.
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I had no parental figure really around because my father went into, like, a depression and
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he was never home and he was always out drinking.
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We had invited guys over and, like, had dress-up parties and that’s where I discovered my sexuality.
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People in my family would obviously talk a lot of things about us – oh, we’re faggots
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– and this and that.
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So my grandmother was definitely not one to have it.
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Being that her daughter died and she wanted to be that close parental figure.
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She would have arguments with my auntie and their whole family about how, you know, she
00:54
should leave us alone and we’re just kids and blah, blah, blah.
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Because of all those things, she was telling my uncles that how – make sure that we like
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girls and we have girlfriends.
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It made me feel, like, bad inside.
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Like, you know, if I were to come out to her or say anything about these feelings, it wouldn’t
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have been accepted.
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After I graduated high school and I went through, like, figuring out who I am, you know, at
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that time.
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When I graduated, I was thinking how I was a gay male, you know, so that’s how I identified.
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And that’s how I lived my life.
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About two years later, I went back to Florida to visit my family with my grandmother and
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my auntie and stuff.
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They all live over there so I went to visit them and it was more like me being myself
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now.
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You know, I had like a side shave and I was dressing in tighter clothing.
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At that time, it was like Rihanna had the side shave and all these people are, like,
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wearing it, so it was, like, oh, that’s, she’s like, “Oh you’re in trend, you know, wearing
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the tight clothes.”
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So I didn’t really come out to her.
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I just – kind of just lived my life and was like this is who I am.
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But they could clearly see something going on.
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So when I came back from the trip, it was a couple months later you know I was dealing
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with these things emotionally inside me that I didn’t understand.
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Since I was younger I always had a feeling of like, I’m not a guy.
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I felt like a girl.
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And one other thing that cemented that in my brain was I saw a documentary on a trans
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woman getting her bottom surgery because I didn’t know something like that was possible.
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And when I saw that, I was like, that’s what I want.
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That’s me.
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I did personal research on it to figure out, you know, why am I feeling this way, why am
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I having anxiety, why am I having depression.
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When I went to the doctor or the therapist, they just kind of confirmed it to me.
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She just made sure I was not crazy and made sure this is what I really wanted to do.
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And then within the week, you know, I started seeing my doctor and started my hormones and
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that was the best decision of my life.
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This year, 2019, my auntie was having a big fortieth birthday and she invited my brother
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and I.
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And I was very hesitant about going because I knew if I went I couldn’t be something I’m
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not.
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I had to go in there and be who I truly am.
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The day before I was gonna leave from my trip, my friend she contacted me and we were like
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hanging out, you know, having a slice of pizza.
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And she was like, “What are you gonna do?
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What’re you gonna wear?”
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She was looking at me.
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“You’re not going to get your nails done?” and stuff.
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I’m like, “No, that’s, like, too much for me.”
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She was like, “No, you’re not going that way.
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You’re gonna go and be who you are and not be this little basic bitch.”
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So I was like, “You know, what you’re paying for my nails?
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Sure.”
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So we went and she got my nails done this really bright pink and sparkles and everything.
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I arrive to Florida and I tried my best to, like, hide my nails, like, putting them in
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my pocket.
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Whatever I had to do to still be a little low-key.
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The real test came when it was the day of the party, which was the next day after we
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arrived.
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And, yeah, I started putting on my make up and I got dressed in this cute little pink
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romper.
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I started getting the feelings of, like, oh my god, I’m really doing this.
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And I couldn’t believe this was happening.
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So I changed into some basic jeans and a tee shirt and I was like, “Yeah, I’m ready for
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this party.”
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But then one of my cousins, she was like “What are you doing?
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Why you wearing that for?
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That’s… it doesn’t look cute.
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It’s not who you are.”
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So I changed my outfit and I went into the party very… not so confident but I kind
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of stood to myself and was like helping out, like making drinks and stuff, because the
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party was happening outside and I was inside.
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So then my grandmother walks in the door and she’s like, “What are you doing in here?”
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And she just looks at me up and down.
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And I’m like, “Oh I’m just helping making drinks.”
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She’s like, “Come outside and meet these…”
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Some of her friends that I’ve known since I was younger and they haven’t haven’t seen
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me.
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So I’m like, “I’ll be there.”
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You know, I’m helping to make these drinks or whatever, trying to prolong it as much
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as I can.
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And then she just, like, went outside.
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Not a big deal.
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At one point, I had my cousin give me her jacket, so I could, like, cover myself up.
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But then it was Florida, so it was mad hot so I was like, fuck this jacket.
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And my grandmother walks back into the kitchen area with her friend that she wanted me to,
06:00
like, see and meet again.
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So I saw the friend and she’s like, you know, giving me a hug and everything.
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Like, “Yeah, hello, you know, I’ve changed a lot since the last time we met.”
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Her friend was like, “You look very beautiful.
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You look just like your mother.
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And it doesn’t matter how you are now.”
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After my grandmother’s friend just accepted me in that way and just told me some positive
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things, my grandmother and I didn’t really speak about my transition or anything like
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that.
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It was just an unspoken thing like this is who you are and we’re just going to accept
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you and there’s nothing we can do but love you.
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Even at the party, one of the guys was like, “Is this your granddaughter?”
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And she even said, “Yes.”
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So that with a very proud moment, just, like, smiling, like, yes I am your granddaughter
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now.
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So we’re pretty good now.
06:58
You know, I definitely feel better now that she knows how I am so we could FaceTime and
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I don’t have to worry about scrambling to take my makeup off and doing my hair different.
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I’m so glad now that she’s in a space where she could – she could actually want to learn
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more.
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And I’m there to take her through that journey and show her that, you know, it’s okay to
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be a little different, you know, and stand out.
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Like, there’s many LGBT kids who are kicked out of their house and not accepted by their
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family.
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That’s really – I’ve heard those stories and they’re not… they’re not so ideal.
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And so when I think about what I went through through my transition, it makes me kind of
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appreciate my life more – that I’ve had people who just respect who I am.
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As long as you respect me as a person, that’s all I care.
—
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