Paul Hudson thinks it’s not that sex is a problem in relationships so much as it’s sex preventing relationships.
Our generation — hell, probably every generation — puts too much emphasis on sex. I understand sex is a big part of any successful relationship.
But the problem we’re facing isn’t that we’re having too much sex in relationships. We’re having so much sex before we’re in a relationship that the relationship itself doesn’t materialize.
I’ll admit that I’m just as guilty as the rest of you. I went on a first date a couple of nights ago and ended up in the bathroom of some random downtown bar. No, I don’t regret it, but still… the chances of a true romantic relationship coming out of that are low.
But it isn’t just rushing into sex that kills the chances of creating real love. It’s rushing into love that stops you from creating real love. It’s allowing yourself to fall too quickly.
It’s allowing your mind wander to its brightest and most romantic corners. It’s imagining things about a person that probably aren’t even true.
Falling in love — for some of us — is too easy. We are so hellbent on finding love that we start labeling anything that closely resembles love as love itself.
I do believe that we should love as much and as often as possible, but we do need to practice some restraint.
This for the good of the relationship, for your future together, and for your own sanity. Taking things too quickly and rushing into love usually doesn’t end well. Which is a shame.
A lot of the time true love is just around the corner, but because we are so keen to rush things, we trip and fall before we ever make it that far.
Romantic love is like an orgasm. You want to build up the tension us much as possible in order for the feeling to last.
Once you pop, you focus not on the moment itself, but on the ones that have already passed. The most exciting part of any love story is always the buildup — the anticipation.
It’s the part where both sides aren’t quite sure what it is they’re feeling — not sure what the other means to them — but very excited to see what the future holds.
Think about it. Which sort of sex is better: the kind that last for an hour, with lots of foreplay, allowing the tension to build until you feel you’re about to burst, or that quickie you had during lunch?
Quickies are great, but only if you already had that multi-hour sexcapade.
And we’re not talking about just sex; we’re talking about the first time that the two of you exchange “I love you’s.” We’re talking about popping that cherry, so to speak.
Keeping the love intact requires an assortment of tricks, but don’t rush to reach that climax.
Because if you get there too quickly, you’ll just as quickly make your way down the other side of that mountain. Slow down and enjoy the view.
There’s no point in rushing it — especially not if you want to do it right.
It’s not a race. I know that this person is the only thing that you want; he/she is all you think about and yearn for.
That’s a good sign, but take it slow. If you treat love like a race, you’re treating it like something that can be won — and owned.
If you treat love like a race, then there must be a finish line. And thenwhat? You’re onto the next race? Love is something that needs to be maintained and constantly recreated.
A race always has a winner and a loser. Love is different. In love, you win and lose together.
Love shouldn’t be rushed because it’s not about an end goal. The little things we do every day make love what it is. Saying “I love you” or making a grand gesture with a diamond ring is just the icing on the cake.
It’s fluff that pretties things up for the rest of the world to see. True love isn’t a grand gesture. It’s a million little gestures that are meant for only you and the one you love.
The slower you take it and the more memories you create, the deeper your love grows.
It’s all about creating memories. Memories make us who we are. Memories are made from the experiences, thoughts and lessons that we accumulate in our lives.
They’re what make life pleasant — and it’s not just about having these memories, but creating them.
Your life is meant to be enjoyed. The only way to do that is to spend it with those that you love, doing the things that you love doing. We have this odd need to label everything, to put it in a box and neatly stack it on our shelves.
Love isn’t something that you catch. It’s something that you live. It’s an experience that can get better every day — as long as you work towards this.
Love isn’t easy. I know it may seem that way, but that’s only because you’ve rushed into it.
All of those problems in relationships due to people rushing through things instead of focusing on how to improve their relationship and the love they are.
Love is not a game. It’s not a race. It’s not a collectible. Love is life. It’s not meant to be kept in your pocket; it’s meant to be lived. Don’t rush; just do.
Do everything you can to make better the life of the one you love. Spend time really getting to know and understand your partner.
Be present. Forget the labels and grand gestures that you feel so inclined to make. Instead, just love. You don’t need anything else.
By Paul Hudson
A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson (@MrPaulHudson) has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. He primarily addresses the successes and downfalls of love and life.
Originally Published on EliteDaily.com – reprinted by permission.
Photo: Flickr/Don DeBold