The “dad bod” may promote a healthy body image for men, but why do we still set an unattainable ideal for women?
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There’s some debate going on around an article written by a university student regarding the sexy body type for men coined “dad bod.” She describes the “dad bod” as “a nice balance between a beer gut and working out. [It says] I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time… It’s not an overweight guy, but it isn’t one with washboard abs, either.”
When reading through the article, something about it made me feel uneasy. I wasn’t able to put my finger exactly on it, but a few things seemed off.
“a nice balance between a beer gut and working out. [It says] I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time… It’s not an overweight guy, but it isn’t one with washboard abs, either.”
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The first thing I realized was that there was a bias here—a female bias in particular. Why is it that the idealized form of the male body is something as attainable as its own natural state, whereas the idealized form of the female body is a petite frame measured with 32,” 16,” 29,” and delicate features? Why is it that this bias not only exists, but we’re okay with having it reaffirmed through its constant visualization? From The Simpsons to The King of Queens, we’ve accepted the standard of men being able to live in their normal bodies, while women must always seek to aspire to a more perfect, unattainable one.
In actuality, the “dad bod” is nothing new, but merely a long-standing, ubiquitous image that has simply become normalized. While the idea of a healthy body type for men can be promoted through an article written by a college student, women have had to relentlessly create and build momentum for movements that advance healthy body images for themselves in order to contradict sexism and stereotypes. Many still do not get the attention they deserve (now would be a good time to drop Lane Bryant’s latest efforts with their #imnoangel campaign).
We’re basically telling men that they have to do nothing more than go to the gym a few times a week, can still partake in life’s indulgences of beer and pizza, and will still be desirable by the opposite sex; whereas society constantly tells women that in order to be desirable they must resort to strict diets, endless exercise, make up, plastic surgery, certain fashions, and go to any length to not get old. There’s a double standard here.
Though the conversation around the “dad bod” and why it may be desirable to women is one that takes place around the male body, it is still a telling argument on what is being said about the perception of the female body. Some girls may like “being the center of attention. We want to look skinny and the bigger the guy, the smaller we feel and the better we look next to you in a picture.” The pursuit of a guy with a so called “dad bod,” to simply illuminate the female’s features (which are originated from a patriarchal view of what is desirable) simply reinforces the idea that the female body should be “skinny” and “small.” Even by looking towards the male body and morphing what could be flaws into assets, it is positioned to be a contradiction for the female body. Put differently, what is true for the male form should be false for the female form. If the male body can be a bit more weighty, then the female body can’t. What a tire belly is to him, becomes a perfect, taut hip-to-waist ratio for her. Does this sound fair?
What real, valid messages are out there telling young boys that they need to look a certain way that are as pervasive as the ones telling young girls that there is an ideal for them?
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While I’ve heard the argument of the “dad bod” being a way to raise the self-esteem of young men and make them more comfortable with their own bodies — which I would agree is important — I would first have to ask, however, to oppose what negative messaging and imagery? What real, valid messages are out there telling young boys that they need to look a certain way that are as pervasive as the ones telling young girls that there is an ideal for them? There are many outlets that do impose an over-idealized male form — from sports, to the cover of men’s health magazines, and in high end fashion advertising. However, you have just as many, if not more, images to counter these. You have actors such as Leonardo DiCaprio, John Haam, and Adam Sandler, who are highly visible touting around the “dad bod” frame. How many actresses with an average dress size do you see on the cover of magazines? How many actresses of an average weight have been at the helm of successful, multi-season long shows? How many actresses who look perfectly normal are leads in big, box-office comedies? (I can only think of one: Melissa McCarthy.)
So when there is this discussion of the “dad bod,” it is most likely as it relates to the white, cis-gender, male body under a heterosexual gaze.
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There is more of a spectrum for men in regards to attractiveness, where we can go from Zac Efron, as the hyper-masculinized, slim and toned ideal, to Jason Segal, as the more natural reality. There is, unfortunately, another spectrum for women in which you have Megan Fox as the perfect vision of hyper-sexualized femininity, to Jennifer Lopez being considered full figured (yeah, right). While you would find Jason Segal walking on the street and consider him just a “regular dude,” one would not think of Jennifer Lopez as the “regular gal.” Even plus size models are, on average, a size eight, although over 50% of American women are a size 14 and above. While there are many representations of attractiveness for the male body being presented throughout the media and society, there is a more narrowly defined representation of attractiveness for the female body.
In this discussion of the “dad bod,” … rarely does the corporeality take the form of a natural Black, Hispanic, or Asian male body. Nor does it even attempt to include those who identify as transgender.
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Returning to the idea of the “dad bod” being a way for men to gain self-esteem through the acceptance of their more natural form, I must ask whose bodies? I think it safe to stay that most literature which is circulated for a mainstream audience is more often through the lens of a euro-centric perspective. So when there is this discussion of the “dad bod,” it is most likely as it relates to the white, cis-gender, male body under a heterosexual gaze. To say that men are still desirable to heterosexual women in their true, natural forms is validating the images of all of the current representations of male attractiveness, which just so happen to be all white, cis-gender male bodies. Even the picture above the article written by the college student is that of three white males fitting the image of the fraternal “bro.”
In this discussion of the “dad bod,” or that of healthy male body images, rarely does the corporeality take the form of a natural Black, Hispanic, or Asian male body. Nor does it even attempt to include those who identify as transgender. There is also no mention of the male body under the homosexual (and other sexual orientations) gaze. Due to the lack of positive representations for these groups of people, pervasive unrealistic physical stereotypes, and conversations like these neglecting the acknowledgement of these groups, they are, as a result, also encountering and attempting to overcome a ceaseless, damaging idea of how they should look. A recent study has shown that “sexual minority men and women, and that trans people had the highest rates [of eating disorders]” after cis-gender, heterosexual, white females. Of course, white, cis-gender, heterosexual males had the least rates. The “dad bod” neglects the natural forms of racialized bodies and does not account for different sexual orientations while dangerously holding the white, cis-gender, male body as the presumable standard.
After thinking through all of this, there still felt to be a deeper reason as to why I was feeling that initial ickiness of the entire premise of the dad bod resting on the body of the male subject. Then it hit me. It’s ultimately reducing the male to the purely physical. It is objectification.
[the “mama bod”] says, I dabble in yoga and Pilates, but can also throw down with a bomb-ass meal. Of course, this is only the first step in accepting all body types, and ultimately not having to “define” any one body with a label or marker.
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And then, I had a realization that I’m going to share with you. Be prepared to have your mind blown. This feeling that I had from being objectified is the same position society places women in every day. To base someone’s attractiveness, and equate that with their worth as a partner, on the superficial level of the body is something that women consistently have to navigate while walking past advertisements of unattainable body types, sitting through commercials of low fat yogurts or diet pills, and sifting through magazine articles on how to be more attractive with just 15 helpful tips.
I felt uncomfortable that so much attention was being placed on my body, focusing on what others perceived to be imperfections, and basically degrading it to something solely for the viewing pleasures of others. Yet this is what women face through conversations and articles of thigh gaps, cleavages, and muffin tops. While this discussion has the elements of “give ‘em a taste of their own medicine” in placing men in the shoes of women, I also feel there needs to be a way we can make the “dad bod” work for women as well. The “dad bod” may not be so problematic if there were something analogous to promote a healthy, sexy ideal for women. Why is there no such thing as a “mama bod?” You know, the woman with a full, natural frame that lets everyone know she’s a woman. It says, I dabble in yoga and Pilates, but can also throw down with a bomb-ass meal. Of course, this is only the first step in accepting all body types, and ultimately not having to “define” any one body with a label or marker. Is there a way in which we can take the human form as beautiful regardless of size, race, gender, age, or ability?
The level of butthurt over the dad bod concept is amazing. Women’s body postivity has been a thing for ages, and while there’s still more to do there, there has been almost nothing done publicly regarding men’s body positivity. The instant the focus is off women for a moment to talk about men’s body positivity, people can’t stand it. Why is it that this bias not only exists, but we’re okay with having it reaffirmed through its constant visualization? From The Simpsons to The King of Queens, we’ve accepted the standard of men being able to live in their normal… Read more »
" I also feel there needs to be a way we can make the “dad bod” work for women as well. The “dad bod” may not be so problematic if there were something analogous to promote a healthy, sexy ideal for women. Why is there no such thing as a “mama bod?” You know, the woman with a full, natural frame that lets everyone know she’s a woman" MILF. Cougar. BBW. Seriously? Where the heck have you been for the past twenty years. As for this idea of "dad bod" men being already accepted, did you not notice that all… Read more »
Right now there is a woman Meghan Trainor with a normal body portrayed as sexy in her videos with all seriousness. When has there been an overweight man in entertainment who has been portrayed as sexy based in his appearance? Normal type men might be portrayed as sexy in movies because of their job or wealth or even heart. It isn’t their appearance that makes them sexy. What about a short man? Body image isn’t just width. It’s also height.
“What about a short man? Body image isn’t just width. It’s also height”.
Shhh…. You’re Not supposed to show the truth that men and women are judged by different yet equally harsh overlapping metrics. It is to be taken as “popular culture gospel” that men have it easier in the dating/mating game. Some men have it easier, as do some women…..other guys opt out or in extremes permanently remove themselves…..drugs, drink & food abuse…..or suicide.
Wow, a woman finds the dad bod attractive. Woo Hoo, men are sexy! I still think Amy Shumer got it right when she said that she’s 160 lbs and can catch a dick whenever she wants. Either men are settling for something wayyy below their standards or this sh*t is getting deep.
Call it The “slut” / “loser that can’t get laid” equivalency. Men don’t get called “sluts” that often, just as women rarely get negative “basement dweller / virgin” pejorative tossed at them.
Just because one woman writes an article promoting the “dad bod” that doesn’t even begin to mean that society promotes a healthy body image for men in general.
Also, the author’s reasoning comes off as more narcissistic than accepting since she can’t seem to stomach the possibility that her man be more attractive than she is.
Shaming is one thing. False promotion of health is another. And trying to redefine attractiveness is psychopathic. Sure lets not shame anyone for the sake of their own choices. Lets not promote being over weight as ‘healthy’ or even normal. Its only normal because of our over indulgent lifestyle and laziness. The human body has been slow to evolve when adapting to our abundant food supply – note there are no fat people in areas of low food. And I don’t understand the obsession of trying to reprogram what people find physically attractive. What I find physically attractive in a… Read more »
Firstly; who are these women idolizing the dad bod? One article on the internet and now it’s an entire movement? Are you saying Chris Pratt can go back to being a chubby guy for his action movies? Bratt Pitt, and Hugh Jackman will also need to find other work I imagine. The fact is men; including you Mr. Author, are objectified all the time. You don’t need to look past a Calvin Klien ad to see sex sells, whether it’s the idealized female, or male body. Regardless of sitcoms nobody wants someone who looks like Kevin James, and this article… Read more »