Premature ejaculation is a frustrating issue and men have developed many ineffective methods to deal with it. Dr. Zvi Zuckerman gives some tips on how to better deal with this issue.
Premature ejaculation (PE) is the most common sexual dysfunction in men. According to the 2011 Global Online Sexuality Survey published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, as many as 30% of men in the United States deal with some form of premature ejaculation.
PE is not only common, it is also extremely frustrating. Men who prematurely ejaculate often feel embarrassment, develop low self-esteem, and experience interpersonal relationship problems.
As medically defined, men with PE always or nearly always ejaculate within a minute of vaginal penetration. But today more and more sex therapists are defining PE as ejaculation that simply occurs sooner than a man or his partner would like it to.
No wonder men have developed so many ineffective ways of dealing with their premature ejaculation!
Thinking of something else
Some men try to delay orgasms by thinking unsexy thoughts. Although thinking about work or how long it has been since you last visited your grandmother is generally a positive thing, doing so during sex is a bad idea.
Not being in the moment is bad because it reduces your sexual enjoyment and means you are not paying attention to the sensations while having sex.
The causes of premature ejaculation are varied, but sex therapists agree that, no matter the reason, the key to overcoming it is to gain an awareness of the feelings that precede orgasm.
By distracting themselves during sex, men with PE only perpetuate the problem.
Relying on the “second time”
You must have tried this once before! There is nothing better than showing off your stamina while having sex a second time shortly after ejaculating.
Well there are a few caveats to this method. First, not all women are ready to have sex again so soon and sometimes the disappointment from the first time will make them refuse to try again. Second, you have to admit that, even if you ejaculate the first time by masturbating secretly before sex, this is still a short-sighted solution.
Many of our patients are men who used to rely on the “second time” but lost that ability with advance age. When men grow older, it takes more time to be able to have sex again, making this method less reliable.
Drinking or using illegal drugs
I don’t need to tell you that getting drunk or using drugs every time you want to have sex is definitely not a long-term strategy. Alcohol consumption (and the use of certain drugs) can in some cases slightly delay the time until ejaculation, but the health risks associated with alcohol overuse should make every man consider a different strategy.
Finding a partner with little sexual experience
Many couples have come to me after the first few years of marriage for help with premature ejaculation problems. Usually when I interview them, the story goes like this. The man, who suffers from premature ejaculation, found an inexperienced partner. Since she was inexperienced she couldn’t tell he was ejaculating too quickly. After some time has passed, though, she read a few women’s magazines, talked with girlfriends, and realized her sex life should look different.
Funny-sounding scams and male enhancements pills
Men with PE often try quack “cures” such as powdered rhinoceros horn, wild boar testicles, raw oysters (unless you just like eating them), spells, or potions. Of course, none of these has been proven effective in treating premature ejaculation. They will probably just waste your time, money, and effort.
The internet is full of scams, so to put things in perspective, here is a list of things that do work:
Dealing with premature ejaculation
The list below describes methods that help men temporarily delay their ejaculation.
Desensitizing sprays and creams
Desensitizing sprays and creams are designed to help men last longer in bed. The desensitizer decreases the stimulation, thereby increasing the length of time until ejaculation. The desensitizing material should be applied to an un-erect penis 20 minutes before sexual relations in order to allow the substance to be absorbed into the penis.
The most obvious disadvantage to this method is a decrease in sexual enjoyment. The desensitizer can also accidently be transferred to the partner’s genitals and temporarily numb them. In addition, desensitizing materials have a bitter taste, which can be a bothersome for oral sex, and some have a prominent smell.
Despite these disadvantages, desensitizing sprays and creams are a good way to prolong sexual intercourse. Still, they won’t make PE go away.
Antidepressant drugs and pain killers
Doctors have been prescribing off-label antidepressants and pain killers to help with premature ejaculation. Off labeling means using a side effect of a drug designed to treat a different condition. Such drugs are effective only six hours after administration (meaning you have to take it daily or six hours prior to every sexual encounter). In addition, there are other side effects to consider, such as headaches, dizziness, nausea, dry mouth, drowsiness, reduced libido, fatigue, and an inability to drive. That said, many men find this method effective.
Premature Ejaculation Exercises
The main problem for men who suffer from premature ejaculation is their inability to identify “their point of no return.” In other words, they reach orgasm quickly without any warnings signs and therefore can do nothing to hold it back.
Sexual behavioral therapy exercises have been used by sex therapists for the past 45 years. They include masturbation and full penetration exercises and are based on two basic techniques: “Stop-Start” and “The Squeeze Technique.”
The goal of the exercises is to help men with premature ejaculation learn to identify the feelings that precede orgasm—or “the point of no return”—and then use this awareness to prolong sex and gain control over the ejaculation reflex.
Following the treatment protocol and practicing the exercises regularly for one to three months helps men gain control and overcome premature ejaculation.
Where to seek treatment
You can also learn to improve your ejaculatory control by using online resources like the PE Program.
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