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Having an affair is a controversial subject that is seldom addressed. While morals, ethics, and values come into play, the point of this article is to be a little more objective about the issues related to an affair. Is there ever justification for having an affair? Is it possible that an affair can ‘just happen’?
Many people have validated their affairs by expressing that they were unhappily married or that they just fell in love with the new person. Here’s the scenario; you are married and your marriage is somewhat uninteresting. Your spouse no longer looks at you like he or she did in the beginning nor are you especially excited by them. In fact, the feelings of physical attraction have disappeared. You know you love your spouse, but when it comes to excitement, the two of you have lost touch with how to find excitement in each other.
Needless to say, this can result in an unhappiness that cuts through to the core. As time goes on you begin to feel less and less content.
Then it happens. You meet someone that is attractive and that seems interested in you. You really enjoy the company of this person. You find that when you are with them the ‘real you’ can be released. It’s a real boost to your confidence and self-esteem.
In comparison, when you are with your spouse you feel that each thing you say and do is being looked at with a critical eye. Your spouse seems to find little joy in spending time with you.
Okay, let’s stop right here and analyze this situation. Do you, as a married individual, have a right to enjoy time with this other person? Or is it wrong to even allow yourself that indulgence? After all, anyone can see that this situation could easily become an affair. Or does that only count if you have sex with this person?
I am not prepared to give you any hard and fast answers. First of all, we all have a right to the pursuit of happiness. But does that include having happiness at the expense of hurting someone else? On the other hand, would your spouse mind the idea of you being friends with someone outside of the marriage?
These are the types of questions you have to ask yourself. Then you have to follow those questions with the ‘what if’s’. What if your spouse does mind? And what if you fall in love with this other person? And what if instead of developing a relationship with this person you spend more time with your spouse and working on improving your marriage?
You see, only you can judge if an affair is okay, given your particular circumstances. The reality is that lasting relationships should be built on trust and honesty and a respect for the other person. Having an affair means keeping secrets. That obviously takes away from the honesty and trust factors. And as far as respect goes, can you really say you are not being disrespectful to your spouse if you are doing things behind his or her back?
Nonetheless, is an affair ever the right thing to do? What do you think?
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