Has anyone been on a blind date lately?
In the last year? Five years? The last decade?
I’ve wondered about dating when lockdowns swept across the world. ‘There goes all the dates’, I thought. The romantic plans to woe their significant other suddenly vanishing into thin air.
But a second yet more pressing thought occurred. What about all the blind dates? The ones set up by hopeful friends? When two strangers meet in the hope of finding true love. What happened to the blind dates?
The dating landscape looks very different now. What we’ve come to know doesn’t look so concrete. In a society where we can’t go on a conventional date, nor see the ones we love, should blind dates face retirement?
My single friends think so. How can you meet someone at a cafe, when the cafes are closed? How can you get to know someone when you’re unsure where they’ve been? Or who they’ve been exposed to? How do you go on a blind date when you’re too worried about contact tracing?
According to my single friends, blind dating was on the out before everything changed. Yet, with the hope of the world reverting back to some normalcy, does blind dating return to the relationship menu? Or is it permanently off?
We don’t need to help our friends
My single friends claim they no longer need the help of their friends to find a date. Not that they were all that desperate for their loved ones to do the hard work for them. Yet, more than ever, dating isn’t the priority it once was.
One of my girlfriends claims the time pressures of finding a date is no longer an issue. “Between work, travel and event commitments, I found I didn’t have time to find a date. But now, with all the downtime, I have the ability to connect with people.”
She mentioned that the connections are real, better than a blind date with someone recommended to her. She finally has the time to make her own ‘recommendations’. She’s no longer dating time-poor.
Dating isn’t as important as it once was
Blind dates just aren’t that important either. Or dating altogether, claims one of my male single friends. This time has helped everyone reevaluate what means the most to them. For some, finding the perfect partner doesn’t equate to happiness.
He’s watched so many of his loved ones become sick, lose their jobs, or lose everything that is meaningful to them. The pressure of blind dating and the pressure to find a relationship doesn’t stack up to the hardship of the people around him. Or his own hardship, I reason.
My friends aren’t the rule. There are people who’ve valued the company of others more thanks to this isolation. They want a partner more than ever. This time has cemented this feeling. Yet, it doesn’t mean they’re jumping into bed with the idea of blind dating.
The risk isn’t worth the reward
Blind dating is a risky experience for everyone involved. Though once hailed as one of the least risky dating experiences, compared to meeting people online, there is a risk for everyone.
The person doing the set up risks their friendship with both parties involved. If the blind date, or the relationship, crashes and burns, where do they place themselves? The ability for everyone to remain friends can be impossible.
They are also risking their credibility to read emotions and pair people together. What do we understand of our friend’s decision making if they mess up blind dating? Would we trust them again?
The two people on the date risk a bad dating experience, having to let down someone close to someone they know. There is more of an obligation to get the dating experience right. The added pressure doesn’t serve dating adventures positively. It can end up with people in relationships to satisfy those who set them up.
And there is always the risk of meeting what is essentially a stranger and all that comes with experience. Though they’ve come vetted by a trusted source, it’s impossible to know what can happen. Especially in a dating situation.
There are too many bad blind date stories to outweigh the good. Most people I know can’t produce a single success story they know of, first hand.
From my own experience, the only blind date I went on ended in disaster. I thought I was being set up with someone who wanted to date, not a casual hook up. I was furious at the friend who put it together. I felt equally annoyed about the arrogance of the man in front of me.
With relationships relying on the fragility of non-face-to-face contact, we don’t need the petty squabbles of bad blind dates getting in the way too.
People aren’t as invested
I think about the people setting up blind dates. How invested they are in the dating life of their friends and family? Blind dating has always relied on others finding potential dates. With the singles putting less priority on their dating life, what about those doing the setting up? Should we bother if the singles don’t want us to?
For me, if anyone asked me to set them up right now, I would politely decline. Life seems hard enough as it, managing the ever-changing social climate. Let alone fixing two people up. If single people have the time, as my friends have claimed, they shouldn’t need us to help.
But I don’t have anyone asking me to help them anymore, either. This makes me think single people aren’t as invested in this style of dating any more.
So, are we over it?
The singles aren’t asking for help. The people doing the set up aren’t interested. Dating as we once knew it is near impossible.
There begs the question: are we over dating these conventions?
We have more dating options at our fingertips than ever before. We have apps, an abundance of websites, and meet up forums. We need other people less. Yet, as our society changes its values, could outdated ideas resurface? Will we need these dating concepts again?
Will blind dating remain part of the dating landscape? We will have to wait and see.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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