Last week, I had the privilege of speaking at a matchmaking event in our local community. I talked about matchmaking being more than just a job and shared some of the experiences of my clients, the good and bad (I didn’t mention their names, of course).
Specifically, I divulged how men were often misunderstood in the dating scene. For instance, they were judged because people thought all they wanted was sex and physical attractiveness.
Many of the women they’ve dated also pressured them to provide financially because apparently, that’s what society tells them to do.
Worse, there’s also a preconceived notion that men don’t want to commit. If they do, they still end up cheating on their partners, which goes back to the point that they’re not looking for anything serious in the first place.
During my discussion, I noticed how the male audience reacted. Some were pissed, while others remained calm, but the expressions on their faces said it all — they were disappointed.
So, I gave them the chance to talk and share the things they really want in relationships. Here’s what they said.
We want to contribute equally to the relationship.
Historically, men have been expected to be the breadwinners while women were relegated to cooking, cleaning, and taking care of their men. But guess what? It’s 2023 and we’ve come a long way since then.
Women are just as capable of contributing financially to a relationship as men are. Unless someone is physically or mentally unable to work, there’s no reason why the burden of being the sole provider should fall on one partner.
That said, these men believe that the burden of being the provider must not be placed solely on them because, in a relationship, both partners must contribute equally and have their efforts and contributions appreciated and valued.
We want emotional connection and intimacy.
Growing up, my friends often joke around and say men are shallow.
For instance, they think that all men want is a pretty face and a hot body, and that’s all it takes to make them happy.
But according to the men I’ve listened to, physical attraction matters, but they want something deeper than that.
They crave emotional connection just as strongly as women do. It’s just they don’t always feel comfortable expressing it due to toxic masculinity and harmful stereotypes.
Of course, they also have to work on openly communicating their feelings if they want to show everyone that they’re not what people think they are.
We want to feel wanted, not trapped.
One man stood up and said, Perhaps women think we don’t value commitment because we don’t think twice about leaving the relationship.
They think we left for whatever selfish reasons, but the truth is, we did that because we feel trapped.
We want to feel that you got our backs, that you support us, and that you protect us as much as we protect you.
But we want you to do it without overstepping our boundaries and invading our privacy. Because if you do, then we have no choice but to leave.
Men more or less want the same thing as women
At least in the case of relationships.
As a woman, I want these things too, and I know a lot of women will agree with me. This is because these are the things needed to form happy and healthy relationships.
So to all my male readers, what do you really want?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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