As funny as it sounds, I’m thankful for this broken heart; I’m thankful for this sh*tty feeling because I know, deep down, she changed me and I’m better off for it.
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There’s always that lengthy duration of sadness, regret and fear when a relationship ends. You look back at the time spent and wonder what you could have done differently.
Was there anything more you could do? Was she the one? Was your inability to adapt the driving wedge?
You take an extra hard look at what transpired over the course of the relationship and ultimately, you’re just left with more questions than answers.
At the end of the day, I’m sad because I just lost someone I obviously cared deeply about, but more so, I’m overwhelmingly thankful.
I know that thankfulness seems like an odd feeling to have after a relationship ends — especially depending on how badly things ended. But for me, at least this time around, I’m thankful.
Why, you might ask? This girl, amongst all the many women in my life, fundamentally changed who I am and how I act. Truthfully I waited my whole life to meet her.
I waited this long to absolutely head-over-heels fall in love with someone, and I’m glad I experienced it. I’m even more glad about who I experienced it with. It’s a special thing — love. It really is.
It’s not something that you can force and it’s not something you can plan but sometimes, you just end up stumbling into something great, even if it doesn’t work out.
I’m going to take a moment and look back at the awesome times we had: the first kiss, the first dinner, date, everything. I’m going to look back at all the memories with such fondness that even if I’m not in the greatest of places today, tomorrow I’ll be glad I shared them.
You don’t plan on breaking up with someone when you get together. You don’t plan on things not working out and perhaps, that’s why it’s so hard to let people go. All you do is see the good times and the great moments you shared.
That’s why breaking up is hard to do. But, as relationships wear on, you realize more and more clearly whether this is a person you can spend the rest of your life with or not.
And for me, I’m not entirely sure I got the opportunity to answer that question, but the separation will inevitably be what makes me realize that for better or for worse, what we had was special.
I don’t pretend to have the answers. In actuality, I probably have none of them. I only own my life experiences: the ups, downs and the feelings associated with them.
For the time being, I’ll appreciate that I’m sad. I’ll accept that I’m upset because you know what? All that really means is that what we shared was real — that what we had meant something.
I’d rather feel like sh*t any day of the week knowing the time I spent with someone wasn’t for nothing. As funny as it sounds, I’m thankful for this broken heart; I’m thankful for this sh*tty feeling because I know, deep down, she changed me and I’m better off for it.
For a while there, I thought it would be unlikely that I ever fall in love. For a while, I honestly felt I would be a single bachelor my whole life, and I didn’t necessarily mind it.
I was worried that I lacked the fundamental capabilities to love someone. And now, I know that’s not the case. Now I know I can fight for love and I can appreciate love and I can care for someone more deeply than I ever imagined possible.
I know I would be willing to put someone else first, that I’d — for once in my life — stop being the selfish prick I am and truly, genuinely love someone with all my heart. That’s a powerful gift I was given, and something I will never take for granted again.
Unfortunately, not everything in life works out. And unfortunately, not everyone is meant to be with you forever. That’s okay.
Things happen for a reason in life; you have to just smile and be thankful for the days you’ve lived and the days to come.
I don’t believe in mistakes. I don’t believe in regrets, and for me, I’m happy as hell that I met this person. I’m incredibly blessed to have shared the time I have with her because I’m a better person for having met her.
So, I took my bruises but now I can smile and look back fondly on the time we spent together. I can live without a regret and know the pain I’m feeling now is because of the love we shared.
Breakups suck and losing people is difficult. Take your time to feel badly and take your time to feel sorry, but don’t find yourself lost in a funk.
Grieve, but know when it’s time to stand up again. Life is too short to be anything but happy every day. Life is about falling down and willing yourself to get back up. The fight off the ground is what makes life special.
It’s not about the number of times we get knocked down, but the number of times we get back up. Life is an incredibly precarious, gentle, fragile thing and you should never take it for granted.
Be thankful for the time you have with someone in your life because there are no guarantees about what tomorrow holds.
This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
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Growing up in New Jersey in an Italian household taught John a lot about women. He enjoys discussing relationships and why men and women act the way they do. You can find more of his work at www.johnpicciuto.com
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Photo: Getty Images
Nice. Thanks for writing this and articulating that men have feelings too. Just because we don’t shed a tear doesn’t mean we are not hurting greatly. I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 months last night. She was the first person I really cared for, coming out of a nasty divorce. She is also the first person I have ever “dumped” in my life. I’m a people-pleaser. It was SO HARD. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her. She is adorable, sweet, kind, caring, and obviously cared a lot about me. She respected that I am a single father,… Read more »
She asked you that because you only really thought it through when it stood to affect your life in a tangible way. You weren’t thinking along the way about the investment *she* was making.
I don’t understand why you broke up with her. If you truly loved and cared for her you wouldn’t let those small things that would bother you in ten years to have control over your decision. But because you didn’t wan to be bothered by annoyances you lost a chance for companionship. You lost a woman who would grow old with you and assist you in your old age. You lost someone to make love to on those lonely nights.
I didn’t “lose” anyone. I set her free. I was being honest that while I cared about her, she deserved better. She deserved someone who could give her what she needed and deserved. I can’t be that guy right now. Its not being selfish, in fact I see it as the exact opposite. There is not enough space on this entire website to explain my situation. I am a newly single father of a six year old daughter who has been through the emotional wringer at the hands of a neglectful mother who would rather do drugs than be with… Read more »
When you get into any relationship, you are giving another person permission to hurt you. Yes, my family (daughter and I) come before anyone. I made the right decision for everyone, including my now ex-girlfriend. She deserves someone that is sure…..not hreaking up with her now, would have been even more wrong.
Kevin I disagree that we give the other persons permission to hurt us when we start a realtionship. I disagree strongly. Your former girlfriend was told that you needed six month befor you introduced her to your daugther, Fair enough, But did you also tell her that you gave yourself max six months to decide if you wanted to spend your life with her or not? Because that is what you mean,is it not? Why did you not know after three months that she was not the great love of your life? Maybe you did use her and that is… Read more »
Wow……..you don’t know me at all. You ask me about my integrity? I told the truth. I have nothing to hide. I was faithful and honest. It’s ice cold to expect an adult to be responsible for their own happiness? What fantasy world are you living in? I’m not making this stuff up. http://theloveprojectinc.com/2012/02/23/were-not-responsible-for-other-peoples-happiness/ No, you are completely twisting my words around. I only started having doubts in the last month or so. Why did I not know after three months? Because I didn’t, that’s why. It takes time to get to know people….HELLO?!?!? 3 months? There is an old… Read more »
Kevin I think we all have a right to end relationships that is not right for us. No matter what. So I am sorry my words came across as insulting. I think I know what you mean by the sentece “I am not resposible for her happies” since one of the editors here has written a lot about it ,and I do get what he mean. That being said,I feel this sentence is cruel. The day a man express himself like that I would feel our relationship to be nearly over. So maybe I have a language problem here since… Read more »
Anyone who would view dating that doesn’t end in a serious long-term committed relationship as “a waste of time”, probably shouldn’t be dating in the first place. For me that’s a huge red flag of entitlement right there.
Kevin, its easy to say – ” If she can’t live without me, as she said……then she most certainly is not ready to live with me. It will only be a waste, if you fail to learn from the experience. ” It is really difficult when the man whom you so deeply are in love with dumps you..breaks ur trust… A woman then begins to build a wall around her heart and fears that she might be taken for granted or hurt again.. As the saying goes – “Some wounds never heal….” A guy mostly lives “in the moment” and… Read more »
“A guy mostly lives in the moment” “Some wounds never heal” Let’s not focus on genders here please. Guys can very well live in the past too and their wounds may never heal. Depression, anxiety, along with a number of other grief related traumas aren’t bound by gender. I know because I’m struggling with two kids and a household with a major fracture. I know because I didn’t have the other ideas of how to look at my 7 year on/off again relationship, that she ran, to refocus myself. Personality and how we deal with interpersonal relationships are formed long… Read more »