We’re back from break and in the midst of teaching in person, especially during a pandemic. It’s been a bit chaotic. We have exams coming up and some students need more direct intervention and support.
Regardless, I’ve had trouble finding the time to write. I’ve had trouble having the time to think. I feel like I have less time to myself to just be, like I did during break, rather than having to do all the time like the situation I am in now. I’m trying to slow down, but in my mind, the circumstances don’t allow it.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I need to set better boundaries.
But it’s been a very in-the-moment stressor, one that hasn’t been too bad or too overwhelming. My students haven’t been the most behaved, but no matter what behaviors they exhibit or how much trauma they have, the constant in all their lives is they have someone who cares about their education — someone who cares a lot.
I have been able to leverage those connections. But I feel the stress and frustration of those parents and guardians. I feel the stress of my students being back at school for the first time in over a year and a half.
I realize this far in life, wisdom is only gained in hindsight. I won’t be able to look back on this moment as a time that was hard, a time. that was pretty difficult, but one where my students and I persevered through substantial adversity.
What is hindsight bias?
According to Drew Boyd at Psychology Today, hindsight bias happens frequently to innovators. Hindsight bias is also known as “knew-it-all-along effect,” which is the tendency to see past events as more predictable than they were when they actually took place. It’s the tendency to have wisdom after the fact than before something actually happened.
Hindsight bias is also the tendency to judge ourselves for the past because “we should have known better.” I judge myself. I judge myself a lot about the decisions I make every day, the authoritarian, heavy-handed techniques of calling parents to let them know their kids aren’t doing what they’re supposed to do and are sometimes failing all their classes.
I try not to be super negative, but I struggle every day — when am I being too stern? When am I being too nice? What is the difference between doing my job and having a power trip because I’m frustrated at my kids?
In the moment, I am no saint. After the moment, I will realize I made mistakes or I acted appropriately with the circumstance. How can you always make the right decisions, after all? How can you perfectly traverse moral ambiguity all the time, 100% of the time?
Boyd says we often think back to the times we were right. We often go back and look at the times we were right, and think “we were right all along!” But the reality is it’s not so simple. Our memories even get influenced to paint ourselves in a more positive manner.
Judge yourself less for in the moment decisions
Look, I’m not saying we shouldn’t feel any remorse for poor decisions. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have any personal responsibility. I’m not saying we shouldn’t think before we act just because we can’t predict the future.
I am saying most of us can do with less judgment of ourselves. Most of us can realize these are tough times, and no one else besides ourselves knows our circumstances.
Although we cognitively know not to judge ourselves, wisdom doesn’t come with reading a lot of books, reading a lot of philosophy, or thinking we know everything. Wisdom inevitably comes from experience, and it takes actually going through life, traversing the good, bad, and messy to actually know when we were right, when we were wrong, when we could have been harder, and when we could have been softer.
I know I’m very reflective. I’m very thoughtful. I can’t just get through my day overanalyzing and overthinking everything I did wrong. It can be thought of as either a personal weakness or a personal strength.
It’s easier said than done — but go easy on yourself. I preach to myself as much as anyone, but anyone who deals with kids all day engages in very exhausting work, including all parents, childcare workers, and teachers. It’s hard to break out of the fight or flight mode.
Sometimes, during a school day, I feel like I’m in that mode all day long. It feels like I’m either trying to de-escalate crises or recovering from de-escalating crises all day long.
There are things that help each of us slow down. For me, that’s writing. That’s running. That’s just watching TV sometimes, and not doing anything.
What works for you won’t be what works for me. Slowing down might help us think more straight at the moment. I am someone who, I think, has relatively good coping strategies, but the stressors of my job, of this day and time, have me thinking I need to get better and need to set better boundaries.
Do you need to too? That’s a question only you can answer for yourself.
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This post was previously published on Invisible Illness.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
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