When I was 25 years old, I started my first business. It was an accident. I had little intention of becoming a business owner, but I fell into an opportunity and the next thing I knew, I was running a telecommunications consulting team of four. My customer was a multi-million-dollar corporation with high expectations, and interestingly, I had zero experience in telecommunications. This was fine by me as at that season of my life, I was goal oriented and all I saw were dollar signs. I quickly realized that I had an opportunity to hit some serious financial goals at a fairly young age. So, I set my sites on a dollar number, and towards that number I worked… tirelessly and with little care or concern for anything that may have distracted me from that goal.
I worked, a lot. I spent 16 hours a day in front of my laptop or on the road inspecting cellular sites. I studied telecommunications technology and became a subject matter expert in my market. I skipped meals or worse yet, ate greasy food on the road or at my desk. I sat in a chair and neglected movement, but I was performing at work and getting cell towers on air. I answered emails and work phone calls while I was spending time with my kids and continued to make those dollars. I grew irritable when I was pulled away from my work. I became angry when I was questioned about my priorities. Afterall, ‘don’t tell me what my priorities are, I’m doing this for my family’s stability and future.’ I had a few drinks (if not more) several times a week ‘to decompress’. And I brought work with me on vacation, because you know… goals.
In a few years’ time, I achieved that goal. Afterall, I’m someone who achieves my goals. I will never forget looking at my computer screen that day and seeing my business account’s balance.
It was one of the most unfulfilling moments of my professional life.
That’s not what you thought I was going to say, is it? Afterall, when we achieve a large scale personal or professional goal, we are supposed to feel excited, accomplished, prideful, and elated… ‘Right?’, ‘Maybe?’, ‘Sort of?’, ‘Absolutely not?’, ‘What the hell, why did I hit this goal yet feel so empty?’ That’s the question this article will help to answer.
I learned that this line of thinking was inherently flawed. The goal should never be the objective. The objective is the type of person you become along the path to achieving that goal. That is where the magic happens… or the distastefulness… depending on who you become along the way.
In working myself to near heart attack in service of a singular financial goal, I had become the type of person who I previously would never have wanted to be like. I had become the type of person who put my health, my family, my friends, my kids, and my over-all well-being by the wayside in the service of a goal.
From that moment forward, my perspective shifted. I began a long process of shifting my mindset away from being goal oriented and towards being someone who is behavior oriented. Because ultimately, if you become someone who you don’t care to be in service of achieving your goals, then what was the point?
As of the writing of this piece, whatever I am working toward at any given season of my life, I stop and ask myself a few simple questions. If I can ask and answer these questions with some degree of clarity, then somehow goal setting makes a lot more sense.
Why Do You Want This?
Whether it’s a financial goal, a health goal, a relationship goal, or any other for that matter… you must ask yourself ‘why?’. Why do you want this thing? Sometimes it is some deeper purpose… for instance, longevity, stability, connection, or purpose. Other times it’s our ego that is steering the ship.
There are no right or wrong answers to this question, only truthful answers, and fallacies that we tell ourselves. If you can’t identify a clear and meaningful ‘why’, then it’s pertinent to dig deeper. Be honest with yourself at the forefront of this process so you don’t have to face up to having lied to yourself at the back end of the journey.
What Type of Person Do I Want to Become?
I wish I had asked this question when I started my first business. Perhaps I’d still be running it today and it wouldn’t have imploded under its own weight. Here’s what I mean. The goal is rarely actually the goal. Our goals are based in our dreams and our visions for a more hopeful future for ourselves. Maybe we look up to somebody who already has achieved that thing. Or perhaps we truly believe that we’ll be a more well-rounded person if we achieve ‘insert arbitrary goal’ here. The problem is that when we goal-set it becomes all too easy to become singularly focused on the goal itself and not the type of person we’re trying to become by virtue of achievement of said goal.
Become crystal clear on who you want to become. If you’re honest with yourself about this, then it will be far easier to answer the next question…
Will This Process Help Me Become That Person?
When I started my first business, I didn’t ask myself this question. Rather, I put my head down and became singularly focused on the goal I had set, making money. I took little notice of the fact that as I worked toward this singular goal, I was gradually becoming someone I did not want to become. Narrow focus on my business at the time, was working me toward a specific financial goal. But I was gradually becoming unhealthy, irritable, angry, stressed, and losing joy in the activities that once lit me up.
Ultimately this is where the rubber meets the road. There are several vehicles we can drive in to get to any destination and goal achievement is no different.
In the case of this story, upon achievement, I was empty. I had become someone I didn’t care to become. If I had taken the time to ask myself this question or taken inventory of who I was becoming along the way, perhaps I may have chosen a different vehicle or road to get to the goal. One that would have gotten me there intact and proud of who I was.
If Not, What Process Would?
If you identify what behaviors, repeated consistently, will walk you away from who you wish to become, then it should be fairly cut and dry to see what behaviors would walk you towards it. We like to overcomplicate things. But the question is simple: ‘If I keep doing this, for a long period of time, will I be happy with who I become?’
It’s Not a Function of Ignoring Your Goals
Perhaps you’re reading this and thinking ‘how does this guy get anything done if he’s so allergic to goal setting?’ If that is what you’re thinking, then I need to clarify. I am not allergic to goal setting. If you want to make a ton of money, go make it. If you want to get shredded and have a 6-pack, go work out, eat right, and get lean. If you want to have the happiest relationship, then go build that relationship. Goal setting matters but not as much as the behaviors we establish along the path to that goal.
Ultimately, If you’re following a path that is not sustainable and not repeatable for a long period of time, then you just might find yourself empty or drained to near zero when you get there.
As you reflect today upon what you’re trying to achieve, take inventory of who you’re becoming along the path to getting there. Why do you want this thing? What type of person are you striving to become? Will the process you intend to follow make you that person? If not, what process would?
Ask yourself these questions and I can all but promise you that you will start finding more fulfillment in not just achieving your goals, but in the road you’re following towards that end.
To Wrap Up the Story
As for me… my first business closed shortly after I achieved the financial goal I mentioned earlier. Ironically, in becoming narrowly focused on that one business goal, I failed to properly market, scale, systematize, and build a structure that was sustainable for a small business.
The irony is not lost on me… start a business, make some money, and then implode under the weight of it.
I have zero regrets. In fact, I’m grateful that it closed. At that season of my life, I wasn’t a well-rounded enough person to have the clarity I have now. I very likely would have done some serious damage to myself and others if I kept at the road I was on.
That experience was an educator for me on the type of person I want to be. And stopping occasionally to ask myself the questions outlined in this article, help me to make sure I keep working toward becoming that individual.
Joey Szolowicz is a Nutrition and Health Blogger and Vlogger. For daily unsolicited advice, join his community here.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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