I still spend a lot of my time wondering how to be a better person, how to be a better dad, friend, socializer. I even write a lot of content about what can help you to be happier and more content with your life. Most of the time, I find that doing positive things helps to balance my mind, and so that’s what I normally feel the need to write about. It makes sense too, people just seem to love reading about how to do things better, and how to be a better person in some way. We are truly on a never ending journey to improve ourselves and make people like us.
In 2018, we can open our phones and find endless content on how to be ‘better’. All you have to do is do a quick Google search and you have endless articles to read. And when you jump onto social media, you find quotes like this;
Love unconditionally, give generously, and always be kind to others
It’s all ‘do this, do that’. Before long, you feel like you’re not doing enough to live by these quotes, as if everyone else is but you. Somehow it seems hard to always love when your loved one pisses you off. You don’t feel like ‘giving generously’ because you’re short on cash, and you don’t want to always be kind to others because they wind you up and you never really liked that person in the first place.
I get fucked off. I get really really fucked off – a lot. The problem is, I thought I was doing something wrong for years. I struggle to like everyone that I meet and be kind to them when they insult me directly, or indirectly. A lot of people piss me off, even their presence annoys me. Some people are just f*cking irritating. Am I being too harsh?
I don’t think I am…
In fact, I’d say I’m ‘being right’. The problem I think I’ve always had is this – I, like probably you, have been taught to do the above since a young age. I’m okay with that, because it’s nice to be nice to people. However, this is too much of a ‘blanket rule’ that just doesn’t sit well with me. When I try to suppress my annoyance or anger with someone, I get even more wound up, as if I’m not being true to myself, just to be a good person.
But human beings aren’t wired that way. Some people are compatible, and some, well, they just really aren’t. Certain people f*ck off certain people, and there doesn’t need to be a big reason for it. It’s not possible to be happy and kind all of the time. The suppression of being ‘f*cked off’ with something or someone almost makes me want to explode from the inside out. And if we are meant to follow these quotes about being perfect towards our fellow man, then surely the saying ‘honest is the best policy’ cannot be true.
If someone does me wrong, I will have a hard time forgiving them. Maybe I will eventually, but at the time, I might tell them to go ‘**** themselves’. And to be honest, doing so makes me feel a bit better. It really does. These days I’m learning, as if I’m having some kind of grand enlightenment, where actually, not living by quotes of ‘dogooding’ isn’t bad at all. In fact, I’m finding that people who do feel the need to put up the act of trying to like and be kind to everyone they meet is causing them to erode internally. It looks like their mental wellbeing is taking a hit, just to put the front on. These quotes of being forever positive are damaging to those who scroll social media, not to mention unrealistic.
Everyone now thinks they need to behave in a certain way, as if life is always great, and if you don’t be continuously positive, people won’t accept you. I’m not saying that I think everyone needs to tell the person who bumps into them in a queue to ‘get f*cked’, I’m saying that people need to be reminded that it’s okay to be angry and f*cked off from time to time. Anger and sadness have their place in life, just like happiness.
It’s okay to shout and scream from time to time. It’s okay to tell someone to ‘please just f*ck off’, as long as you’re not doing it all of the time. It’s all about balance like anything else in life. You’re not going to be okay with everything all of the time. You won’t be okay with what someone says or does all of the time.
A lion doesn’t hold its tongue if another lion disrespects him, he simply chases it. The problem is, we’re too smart for our own good. We are too smart to the point that we think we need a society where everyone should love and be kind to everyone, all of the time. It just doesn’t work that way. It is okay to be f*cked off if you are f*cked off. Just go somewhere and calm down.
Spreading positivity is a good thing, but I don’t want it shoved down my throat all of the time. I cannot be positive all of the time, love all of the time, be kind all of the time. Be upset if you need to be. Be pissed off if you need to be, and don’t judge yourself for it.
It’s called being a human. A happy, angry, joyful, confused, human.
—
This post was previously published on Projectenergise.com and is republished on Medium.
***
The Good Men Project gives people the insights, tools, and skills to survive, prosper and thrive in today’s changing world. A world that is changing faster than most people can keep up with that change. A world where jobs are changing, gender roles are changing, and stereotypes are being upended. A world that is growing more diverse and inclusive. A world where working towards equality will become a core competence. We’ve built a community of millions of people from around the globe who believe in this path forward. Thanks for joining The Good Men Project.
Support us on Patreon and we will support you and your writing! Tools to improve your writing and platform-building skills, a community to get you connected, and access to our editors and publisher. Your support will help us build a better, more inclusive world for all.
***
Photo credit: Satya Tiwari from Pixabay