I’m done listening to men’s BS about marriage.
It’s disrespectful to dish out advice when they are unwanted. Unsolicited advice often feels critical rather than helpful.
I hate dealing with people who think they know more about me than I know myself. When in truth, they’ve only spent less than 10 minutes with me.
When you are single and over thirty, you get more and more talks about marriage and children, whether you ask for it or not. It’s annoying to invade people’s privacy.
The pressure to get married is especially high for women in their twenties and thirties. Every woman has probably heard “it’s time to settle down!” from a curious relative every Thanksgiving.
Because life doesn’t always go according to plan, the pressures of marriage lead to stress, frustration, loneliness, and lack of self-confidence.
I’ve had enough of it. I was with a familiar customer the other day, suddenly he got curious about my age.
I told him, and he grinned, giving me that face that I know too well. Then he said I looked too young to be 37. That I could easily pass for a twenty-something.
I wasn’t sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult, but that didn’t stop him from devouring his inner thoughts.
He thinks I’m getting old to remain unbothered about marriage. So I should take his advice and start kissing up to men so I can get married before 40. Mtchewww!
This wasn’t the first time I’ve heard those words. On several occasions, these are the advice I get:
“Women are not equal to men, and they never will. Stop buying into nonsense.” “You are going to end up alone and die miserably with this mindset of yours.” “There’s nothing like a fifty-fifty commitment in a marriage. Get over yourself.”
When I refuted his advice, he bluntly told me “He can’t be with a woman who doesn’t know her place.”
And what place is that, if I may ask? “In the kitchen or tending to the kids.”
“Oh! Well, I’m glad I’m not your woman,” I said.
I have heard countless of this unsolicited advice from male friends, relatives, and acquaintances.
It seems I’m living in a world that exists only in my head. I want too much. I expect too much.
But how much is too much?
As far as I know, demanding your respect shouldn’t be negotiated. Every human being deserves to be respected and treated equally. Apparent, my orthodox male companion thinks otherwise.
Why women are pressured into marriage
Like many women, I spent most of my 20s wondering when I will meet the right man and start a family.
Fortunately, I became a mum before I became a wife. Now I just want to devote my life to more important things, “growing my business and attending mediocre sex parties?”
Apparently, that is not what society expects of me. They want me married, under the wings of a man, popping out babies after babies.
Women’s age at marriage acts simultaneously as a gateway to new family roles and the likelihood of producing offspring.
Society wants an endless flow of children, we are the baby manufacturers. Our delay in marriage affects the constant flow of offspring. They push women into marriage and they make children priorities for married folks.
If you are a childless married woman you should already know the pain and pressure you get for not doing what’s expected of you.
Too bad, now women are refusing to be married. They came up with another strategy- to ban abortion so we are forced to give birth to our offspring whether we like it or not.
Women’s body autonomy has been rigged from day one. That’s why stopped valuing the institution called “marriage.” Like it or not, marriage is a patriarchal system that works against women but favors men.
You can ask your married female friends what they give up t keep their homes together. Ask them if their husbands are making the same sacrifices.
Despite the social pressure, more women are choosing to remain unmarried
According to recent data from Pew Research, many people live outside of marriage. In fact, only half of adults over the age of 18 are married, while 4 in 10 Americans believe marriage is becoming obsolete.
This may be linked to changing gender norms and responsibilities.
The main reason some women are desperate for marriage is because they believe men are only attracted to beautiful women and that their beauty will fade with age.
And because they focus so much on physical appearance they neglect the main recipe for a successful marriage, a good personality, and character.
Moving away from unrealistic social expectations
I don’t care what anyone thinks of my age. I’m done with my childhood marriage fantasies. Marriage is no longer my priority.
That’s pretty much all I thought 15 years ago, but now? I’m over it. I feel like there is no one good enough to be with me for life.
If a guy isn’t right for me on the first date, he doesn’t get a second date. If we’ve been together for six months and there are red flags, I quit and move on.
With age comes wisdom, and that wisdom guides your decision in looking out for what makes you happy. You learn to promise yourself not to waste time with the wrong person.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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