Divorce can be especially painful during the holidays. Laura Miolla gives these 7 tips for evolving into the New Year
The holiday season is meant to be all about peace and good will. During and after a divorce, though, it’s difficult to find that peace and joy in your life with the ghost of Christmas past knocking on your door. Memories of what you once had and what you wanted your life to be both have a way of hitting you hardest during the holidays. And it’s difficult looking forward to the New Year. So, how do you find peace when everything in your life is upside down? Peace is a state of being that you can have at any time. You just need to learn how to tap into it. Focus on these 7 steps to find your inner peace this holiday season:
1. Focus on Being
In our culture, there is a huge emphasis on achievement—this idea that what we do dictates our value. In fact, this focus on doing can be a recipe for failure. Time and time again, people postpone their happiness until they achieve some goal. But even when they achieve it, they feel only a fleeting rush of happiness. Sometimes, nothing at all. There is no lasting peace of any kind. One goal replaces another, so we’re never actually done, which is why we always feel dissatisfied with our life. Replacing the focus on doing with a focus on being frees us to see the value inherent in who we are and who we choose to be. Peace is a choice. And when you say yes to peace, you are saying no to anything that disrupts that peace.
2. Be in the Present
Our past has already happened and our future is yet to come. We only have this moment to be in. Keeping a focus on being keeps us present in this moment, but it is a discipline that needs to be practiced. We need to let go of our old stories from the past—they only define you if you let them. Silence your inner critics that want to rob you of your peace and tie you up in knots of worry around all of the “what if’s” that might or might not happen. It’s a terrible waste of time and energy focusing on things that might never happen. Choose practices like meditation, yoga, rock climbing, running, painting—anything that keeps you focused in the present. Choose appreciation and gratitude for all the blessings you have right now. There are miracles all around you. If you aren’t in the present, you are rushing forward too fast to see them (never mind receiving them).
3. Live By Your Own Core Values
Everyone knows that they have values, but few can identify their core values when asked. Understanding the values that are most important to you and living by them so that you are honoring yourself in every decision you make is key to being at peace—with yourself and the world around you. Also, understand that your values are unique to you, so when you feel miserable, out of sync or misunderstood in your environment, it is likely a result of your values being squashed. Finding the right people and the right environment to share your values with (instead of getting them trampled on), will support who you are and help you evolve. Identifying your core values, living them and aligning them with those around you will bring you peace with who you are and what you do.
Throughout time, people have found comfort and safety as part of a group connected through shared purpose, activity and/or lifestyle. There is peace when you’re part of something that is bigger than you. There is peace in being accepted as an individual into this higher purpose. And connection with others feeds our soul. It often helps define us, usually for the better. As a result of this community and this connection, we become necessary to this world.
So much of our modern culture is about what we “get” when we achieve certain “goals.” Doing well, though, isn’t the same thing as “living well.” A key element to achieving this peace is in contribution—giving, rather than getting, and giving without any expectation of receiving something in return. This contribution keeps you on the path of living your values. It provides a higher purpose for you to share and is a gift you give to others that rewards the deepest part of you.
We’ve all experienced the hurt and anger that comes with deception and betrayal. And what happens? Trust is broken. Pride is hurt. You’re angry at the other person and also yourself. What do we do with all those emotions? In some cases, old grudges can fester for years (or worse). Most people tend to think of forgiveness as something you grant to the other person. I disagree. To me, we don’t forgive people because they deserve it. We forgive because we deserve it. Forgiveness is not for other people. It is for us. The act of forgiveness is about letting go of the anger, releasing the hurt, so that you can be free in your life. Forgiveness turns anger about the past into hope for the future. Otherwise, you are stuck in a story about the past that limits and imprisons you. And self-forgiveness is just as important as forgiving others. So, let it go. Otherwise, you will never be free, never truly at peace with yourself.
7. Declare Your Positive Intentions
It has been proven that our world is one large mass of energy. It flickers in and out of being over and over again. This is quantum physics. Nobel Prize-winning physicists have proven that it is our thoughts and our consciousness that pull this energy field together to create the world we see and experience within the limited spectrum of our senses. Our thoughts literally create the universe we live in. Your life becomes what you think it will be. The Universe is just reflecting your thoughts back at you. There is a world of possibility out there—especially once you know and accept that you can manifest anything you want, purely by focusing on it. So, create a list of your positive intentions. Focus your thoughts and your being on everything you want for yourself and the world. Know that you are helping to change yourself and the universe for the better.
image credit: Flickr/vissago
By Laura Miolla
Appeared originally in YourTango.
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