Before you go reaching for that little blue pill you might want to talk to your lady first and see what she thinks about it…
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No, I haven’t lost my mind. While blue-pill abstinence has been a way of life for me over the last 2 years or so, it was actually the comments from my last article that inspired this post. Here’s one from Spencer:
“At 64 the decline of my sexual prowess is noticeable. Rather than reach for the blue pill, I have discovered, as you have, the joys of giving pleasure. The most erotic thing in the world to me is seeing, hearing, feeling my wife’s sexual arousal. Wish I could have discovered this years ago. Hope your message reaches a young audience.”
His one comment captured the essence of what I speak and write about. Now, one may be tempted to wonder how this fellow can give his wife so much pleasure with a flaccid member. Culturally and biologically speaking, we are “wired” to believe the only way a man can give a women pleasure is with a blue-steel hard on wielded with the deft of a master swordsman. Clearly, something else is going on here.
Where Do You Think You are Going to Stick That?
I read a post in a prostate cancer support group a while back and this one dude was bragging about his new penile implant. I mean really, if you truly want to have the biggest and longest lasting dick, forget the pills and just get one of these puppies. A few pushes on the pump and your willy will be standing big and tall for as long as you want. What I found most interesting was his wife’s reaction when he proudly showed it to her in all its upstanding glory: “Where do you think you’re going to stick THAT?!” Apparently, she wasn’t as excited as he was.
If you are under 40 and reading this you might be thinking at this point: “Sure, I can see how this might work for ‘old’ dudes, but I’m young and virile and there’s no freak’n way I’m giving up pounding for all it’s worth.” First of all no one is suggesting you give up anything and secondly let’s see what the ladies have to say about it.
Why Do Women Even Need a Man Except to Make Babies?
The first comment from my most recent article (https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/know-your-partners-sexual-response-profile-for-great-sex-mjr) was from a fellow, Matthew, who questioned why women needed men for sexual satisfaction at all when they can purchase any size or shape “package” they want. Then one of the other commentators, Rebecca, replied directly to him with this: “Matthew, let me assure you that the intimacy and excitement that comes from being with a partner who is emotionally and physically present is far, far greater than anything a woman could possibly buy at the store.”
Penis vs. Presence
Our popular culture and certainly the pharmaceutical industry would have us believe that center of all physical intimacy is the penis. And that is the source of a lot of problems within relationships because most women simply don’t buy into that –eventually.
How a man and women express physical intimacy with each other is a function of upbringing, experience and how sexually free they are. And, their age. During childbearing years many women will still be extremely turned on by intercourse (it’s part of their hard-wired biological imperative). However, as women age beyond that period their needs and ways of expressing physical intimacy with their man will likely change. Intercourse is often not their number one choice for expressing intimacy. It doesn’t mean they are no longer interested in sex. In fact, it is often quite the contrary. They just look for other ways to experience it. Ideally with a man who will listen to her and respond accordingly in a fully present way. Presence, vulnerability and authenticity at this stage of the women’s life are often viewed as a far greater turn on then the 15 minutes of pounding they used to endure. And remember Spencer’s words above when it comes to the man receiving incredible fulfillment by giving to the woman this way.
Women Need to Talk, Men Need to Listen
For this to work, men really need to know what the woman prefers intimately speaking. This means she needs to know herself sexually speaking and be willing to fully receive what she wants. It is incumbent upon women to authentically share this information with her man. Men are not mind readers and will assume that pounding sex will work for the woman because it works for him (and the fact that 87% of women vocalize during sex just to make their guy feel good about himself as a lover which is being anything but authentic).
Likewise, men would do very well to listen to their woman. Especially as she shares what really works for her (again, assuming she knows herself). Trust me, when the woman is happy, the guy will be very happy regardless of how the ending plays out.
No Blue Pill = Great Adventure
Here’s the thing. Start using the little blue pill and your sex will get old after a while, no matter how long you can keep it up. Focus instead on how you can please your partner in the way she wants and you open each other up to a wonderful adventure of intimacy that really knows no bounds.
So what are some of these other ways you can have great sex without just relying on intercourse or some other form of penetration? Well… I think a little imagination and an adventurous spirit can help answer that for each couple. I will say this from my personal experience as a fully impotent male for whom the little blue pill doesn’t work: The pen may be mightier than the sword but the tongue is definitely mightier than the penis (for most women).