Most women have unlimited sensual potential –here’s one way to release it…
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In case you haven’t already noticed, men and women are different. Aside from the obvious, the way men and women respond sexually tend to be worlds apart (generally speaking) which can result in a great deal of frustration in the bedroom. Understanding and adjusting to your partner’s unique sexual response profile or “signature” can make the difference between a “ho hum” sexual experience to that of a transcendental epiphany.
Matching Her Sexual Response Profile
What I’m about to share with you is a result of my experience as a fully impotent man who has learned how to fully match or “harmonize” with his female partner’s sexual response profile. You don’t have to agree with my observations, however you may find it useful to at least be open to exploring the possibilities presented.
Thanks to my impotence I am much more “coachable” as a lover than I was previously when everything “worked”. In really listening to my partner I discovered that what genuinely worked for her and what I thought would work were two completely different things.
One of the biggest complaints I hear from women is that by the time their guy issues his last “grunt” she’s barely getting started.
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As men, we are hard-wired to spread our seed far and wide and quickly as possible. While this may seem to be lots of fun for us guys, it is not always conducive to having a sexually fulfilling experience from the female perspective. For example, like most women, my partner takes *much* longer to warm up sexually speaking that I do. One of the biggest complaints I hear from women is that by the time their guy issues his last “grunt” she’s barely getting started.
Prior to my impotence I always assumed that my partners were enjoying sex as much as I was. When you think about it, it’s not too surprising we make that assumption. Research has shown that over 87% of women vocalize (i.e. moan) during sex just to make their guy feel good. No wonder we’re clueless, the gals are giving us false signals which only reinforce our misplaced presumptions.
I am very fortunate in that my partner is not shy about sharing *exactly* what she likes and how she likes it –especially when it comes to me slowing way down for her until she is fully warmed up. Interestingly, my impotence made this easier to accomplish since I don’t have the “urge” most other men get when they are hard. This allows me to fully focus on taking my time to prepare and please her in the way she wants.
If you are a guy reading this you might be thinking: “That’s great for her, but what about me?” Well, as you will soon see this approach is its own reward, one that far exceeds anything you may have experienced before.
Feminine Energy as the Wellspring of Unlimited Sensuality
By matching my partner’s sexual response profile in this way she ends up having the most incredible sensual experience I have ever witnessed. The intensity and frequency of her orgasmic response is so far off the charts that neither she nor I ever remotely have seen anything like it before. In fact when sharing our experience with very sexually active individuals they have said that this level of intimacy is “…not humanly possible.”
And the cool thing is, we have yet to find my partner’s limits of sexual expression. This has led both of us to the conclusion that women in general (assuming a healthy sexual self-image) literally have no bounds to their sensuality. Think about that for a moment and what it means for any relationship that can tap into that bottomless well of intimate bliss.
By Giving You Get More Than Receiving
What this does for me as her lover goes beyond anything she could do to or for me in terms of reciprocation. Without question, the ability to provide her that experience (i.e. my giving to her in this way) is a far greater and more fulfilling form of connection than any release I could receive from her.
I remember posing this thought experiment to her: If we had to give up either the receiving or the giving during intimacy, which would it be? We both immediately agreed that we would each give up the receiving because we get so much out of giving to each other intimately speaking. This is completely the opposite of how most couples experience physical intimacy which tends to be very self-release and goal driven.
I believe we are also hard-wired to receive deep satisfaction by giving it.
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As men we are relatively easy to please sexually speaking. However there is a huge difference between “getting off” and being exquisitely fulfilled. I believe we are also hard-wired to receive deep satisfaction by giving it. And I can attest that my level of sexual satisfaction has never been greater since I now focus on matching my partner’s sexual response profile which enables her to express virtually unlimited sensuality. That indeed has become, and continues to be, its own reward beyond measure.
Hi Michael (again), I think the best thing a couple can do is TELL each other what works for them and what does not, in essence coaching them to optimize their sexual fulfillment. The point you have reached where you are more into giving than receiving is only possible if you have both explored what works for you and have TOLD this to your partner. What percentage of couples actually coach the other in the relationship this way, I’ll bet we are talking single digits here. What percentage of women have coached their partners in g-spot stimulation, again, likely single… Read more »
Was your partners response jacky Lopez? Was hoping for more detail…
Great article
Mr Russer, I congratulate you on your good fortune of finding a matching mate. You are a writer of great talent, and your work is important and thought-provoking. However, there sems to be some logical loopholes and sweeping assumptions in your reasoning that I struggle to come to terms with. But first, I wonder if you would have any comments on this piece, taken from another article on this site by the author “TheOff Parent”? What I know is I was starving to death for affection from a beautiful woman who was lying right beside me. And there was very… Read more »
FlyingKai –I suspect that the protagonist and his mate in the snippet you provided probably don’t have a strong foundation of emotional intimacy –which requires a certain amount of vulnerability and authentic communication from both partners. I don’t care how great the sex is in the beginning, it simply won’t sustain or grow without that foundation. My article made that assumption (given that is the kind of relationship my partner and I have) primarily because I’ve previously written about the importance of establishing strong emotional intimacy / connection. What’s really interesting (and exciting) is that the physically intimacy is only… Read more »
Michael:
Excellent article. At 64 the decline of my sexual prowess is noticeable. Rather than reach for the blue pill, I have discovered, as you have, the joys of giving pleasure. The most erotic thing in the world to me is seeing, hearing, feeling my wife’s sexual arousal. Wish I could have discovered this years ago. Hope your message reaches a young audience.
Me too 🙂
For what it’s worth Spencer I’ll be turning 63 in a couple of weeks –you and I my friend still have plenty of loving left in us –enjoy what you have now because that is all we really have anyway.
I come from a 26 year marriage where the last 11 years my wife and I were effectively roommates. No regrets –as far as I’m concerned that simply prepared me for the intimate life I so enjoy now –one that I never thought was even remotely possible.
I hear ya dude. Keep telling your story. I hope to be adding my own commentary here soon. The job of ‘old’ men is to pass wisdom across the age divide. Wish my sex life as a young man was as rich as it is now.
.. yes!! two thumbs up there. .
I love this article and I agree with it fully. I get so much more out of my partner’s sexual satisfaction than my own. That being said, I just have one question. You said your partner is very vocal about what she likes and has a healthy sexual self-image. How would you go about the journey of discovering the sexual profile of a woman who is less vocal about her desires and more self conscious or shy in the bedroom? Is it just a slow process over time of paying close attention, focusing on her, asking questions, etc? Thank you!
Thank you Nate –and I want to acknowledge you for being such a great guy for your gal 🙂 My suggestion is to look at intimacy as a great adventure that can be explored mutually. Look for things you can do together that will give her a safe place to practice becoming more comfortable with her sensuality. The key is to go at her pace and let her suggest ideas that may appeal to her. You might also consider exploring Tantra together –starting with just the breathing exercises –this is powerful beyond words and requires full presence. Once she gets… Read more »
Mr. Russer, I’ve read a few of your posts here on and most I find very inspiring and positive, but frankly this one raised some anxiety in me. The my gut reaction is that your view is that women are just flat out better in all ways when it comes to sex, almost to the point that men are only needed for procreation and if women want great sex its gonna be with a woman. Considering everything I can provide to a woman is available for purchase and in most cases in a bigger and better format. I apologize if… Read more »
Matthew –thank you for your comments –I totally see how you can feel that way.
Instead of me giving you reassurances, I’m going to have my Life Partner (Jacky) give her 2-cents so you can get fairly objective feedback from a female perspective. Let’s face it –that IS the perspective that is of concern here.
She will add her reply below mine –hope this helps!
Matthew D – let me assure you that the intimacy and excitement that comes from being with a partner who is emotionally and physically present is far, far greater than anything a woman could possibly buy at the store.
Thank you Rebecca –I wish more women would authentically share with men that way –it would be such a different world 🙂
Hi Michael – learning to be authentic with men about sex and real intimacy has been a real journey for me that I still am working on. I would bet that’s true for alot of women. We are usually taught to put our own needs/desires aside for others. Which sometimes can honestly make us feel good when we do these kind of things for the people we love. But it does make the topic of authenticity complex. When I was younger, I was so focused on fitting into a male-dominate fantasy image of femininity vs being authentically me, that my… Read more »
Erin I’d say that you are so walking your talk –thank you for sharing.
Your statement about being a more authentic person is a life-long journey is right on –if I might add, it can happen one authentic in the present moment step at a time…
Erin,
This has been my experience, too. At 49, I am just learning to be open, direct and honest with my partners. I spent a few years mourning the lost opportunitites, but now find myself looking forward to sex and intimacy in my 50’s, 60’s and beyond. Thank you for sharing so eloquently. Now, what I have always wondered – are there as many men as women reading and learning from this site.
Hi Matthew, I’d like to share with you briefly a female prospective to this. I’m 49 YO, this is rather a general view of how women behavioral pattern revolving around sex. We give a level of importance before we go ‘there’ to what’s sometimes labeled foreplay, and nothing that you can buy will take anyone there but a man ’emotionally equipped’ to meet her there. Give her a dose of cuddling, kissing, hugging, touching, caressing, once the basics nurturing steps are met, then intimacy unfold powerfully to reach what I believe few people are able to attain on a regular… Read more »