“I’m not really looking for a boyfriend right now”.
Oftentimes, the dating game can be a cruel and unforgiving beast.
It is a trial by fire through which all of us have, at some point, reluctantly trudged on the way to (hopefully) a life full of happiness beside the person with whom we’re meant to be.
I’ve had to deal with my fair share of excuses as to why a girl didn’t want to date me.
After repeatedly hearing the same reasons, I’d like to share the top three I’ve encountered along the way, with my interpretation of what they truly mean.
“I’m focusing on [insert time-consuming, important life initiative].”
My Interpretation: “There’s something in my life right now that’s important to my development and future, and I prefer to focus on it more than I want to focus on you.”
School, professional career, family — it could be a lot of things. The fact of the matter, though, is that there’s always SOMETHING important and fundamental to our development at any given point in our lives.
If someone has a professional job, she can claim her current priority to be advancing her career. If someone is in school, she can say passing classes is consuming all the time she has. There’s always something to which a person can point.
But, what that person is doing, in my opinion, is providing a convenient excuse that not only provides an easy out, but also uses an item on which every person would agree is super important. As in, a suitor would come across as super inconsiderate if he didn’t claim to understand.
The truth is, nobody can help focusing on someone in whom he’s interested. It’s human nature.
While there are careers and aspirations to absorb our time, someone who is truly into you will find a way to focus on you, as well, and not employ easy outs, like this one.
“I’m just so busy.”
My Interpretation: “I’ll find something to occupy my time that isn’t you, whenever you want to hang out.”
Busy with what? Trying to binge-watch the entire “Breaking Bad” series? Taking two-hour naps? Watching endless YouTube videos while wasting time chatting with your friends on Facebook about how weird this guy is for being interested in you?
Honestly, I guess it kind of depends on whether or not she immediately asks to change the time and/or date. (If that’s the case, maybe give her another shot… but not too many more if this keeps happening.) And, yes, I do understand there are legitimate things that take up a person’s time.
But, if you think about it, even people like the President of the United States can find time to take his wife out on dates. And, last I checked, that’s a pretty demanding job that takes up a ton of time.
Ask yourself, are you a busy person? There are probably a ton of things that take up your time. But, I’m sure you’d be able to find a way to accommodate someone in whom you’re legitimately interested.
There are 24 hours in a day and nobody is completely devoting all of her attention to something during all 24 of those hours. There’s always some free time to be had, and if the person in whom you are interested feels the same way, she would most definitely use some or a lot of that time on you.
“I’m not really looking for a boyfriend right now.”
My Interpretation: “I’m not looking for you, specifically, to be my boyfriend right now (or probably ever).”
Not looking for a boyfriend, eh? You must have been blessed with a special genetic superpower that allows you to completely turn off basic biological instincts. Bravo.
Guys, ask yourselves, could you legitimately and actively choose to not be attracted to someone? No? I didn’t think so. Chances are, almost every girl is the exact same way.
It’s best you understand this is code for a girl not being into you because when a girl says this, it’s deceptively dangerous.
It gives you false hope that somewhere down the road, she’ll definitely be more open to giving you a shot. But, that probably won’t happen. So, start moving on and save yourself the pain of thinking anything will happen anytime soon.
Maybe she just went through a tough breakup. Maybe some other heavy, stressful situation or circumstance occurred or is occurring. But, a relationship shouldn’t be a chore and shouldn’t add extra stress.
Excuses suck, guys. But, you’re bound to have a girl “let you down easy” with these nebulous, soft lies at least once in a while. I guess that’s how girls like to play it.
About the author
Jason, or “Jtrain” as some affectionately call him, is an epidemiologist from Northern Virginia currently working in the Baltimore area. He enjoys bodybuilding and exercise and loves listening to niche musical genres (especially Scandinavian metal). He believes in giving everything your all, the power of one, and being a positive influence. Visit his blog at www.jtrainfitness.blogspot.com
This article originally appeared on Elite Daily.
Photo credit: Sarah Horrigan/flickr