Not everyone is on the prowl for Brad Pitt.
I don’t care about chiseled abs. Before you light up your fire bombs and ready the collective pitch forks, let me explain.
I am but one woman, and these are my humble thoughts. I do not speak for the entirety of the female kind. I do, however, know it to be true that the following preferences are shared by a great number of women.
I think there are more of us out there than society likes to think, and not everyone is on the prowl for Brad Pitt. Truth be told, men like Pitt are fun to watch on the big screen when they are portraying a character whose very purpose is to captivate us.
Save for the roles they play, they lack intrigue. There’s nothing unique there, nothing particularly special. There’s a distinct absence of that little spark that makes someone worth thinking about.
We tend to say things like, “Nice guys finish last,” and “These hoes ain’t loyal,” but neither are really legitimate.
Men, when I say confidence is, above all, the most powerful woman-wrangling tool you will ever have at your disposal, I truly mean it.
But, you can’t just pretend you understand; you need to believe it. You need to epitomize fearlessness because women worth having can smell a wolf in sheep’s clothing a mile away.
Here are a few more ways the preferences of women differ from popular stereotypes:
1. But, really, we don’t care about abs.
I’m more a general fitness, general shape sort of woman. Like many people, there is a certain type that attracts me most. But, to be honest, I’ve been attracted to such a large range of people that even those preferences are side thoughts at best.
I do like tall men, and I do like broad-shouldered men. What I don’t understand is this obsession with having such little body fat that muscles are popping out all over the place.
The takeaway: If we don’t make an effort to look that way, we don’t think it’s very fair to expect that of another. Most of us prefer our men happy and well-fed, not obsessing over protein count and supplements. #ByeFelipe
2. Stubbornness is an attractive trait.
There’s something about being with a man who’s capable of a stimulating conversation that appeals to us immensely. I personally like a bit of difficulty — I think it’s healthy.
It’s when couples never have differing opinions, never discuss controversial topics and don’t occasionally get on one another’s nerves that I find the situation a bit creepy.
If a man is looking for a Stepford wife, it says quite a bit about him. It demonstrates a desire for someone he wants as a pet, not a partner. And that’s just not the grand fairytale love most women are in search of.
3. We love men who are nothing like us.
“Opposites attract” couldn’t be more accurate in my case, and it is generally far truer than people realize.
Though very similar people might get along swimmingly, they seem to lose passion for one another more easily than people with differing personalities, interests and goals.
After all, you already know what you like and what you believe in. It’s another experience entirely to come to understand why someone close to you might like and believe in entirely different things.
According to a Psychology Today post published in January by relationship experts Charlie and Linda Bloom,
We are drawn to others out of needs and desires that are unfulfilled in our lives, such as a desire to experience greater connection, security, love, support and comfort.
On the other hand, some of those unfulfilled longings have to do with their polar opposites, such as adventure, freedom, risk, challenge, and intensity.
While these needs and desires may appear to be mutually exclusive, they not only can coexist with each other, but in the process, generate a ‘tension of the opposites’ that produces the passion that sustains, deepens and enlivens relationships.
Women like men who challenge, yet respect, their views. We don’t want and don’t need you to agree with every word we utter.
4. Being well-traveled is more important to us than driving a nice car.
Why is this surprising? It’s been proven that those within our generation prioritize experiences and relationships over material objects, and most women are no different.
It’s not that money can’t help us achieve happiness; it’s the way we spend money that matters. Forbes echoed this sentiment in August, when it quoted Michael Norton, associate professor of marketing at Harvard Business School:
One of the most common things people do with their money is get stuff. But we have shown […] in research that stuff isn’t good for you. It doesn’t make you unhappy, but it doesn’t make you happy. But one thing that does make us happy is an experience.
If you want a nice car, that’s fine, but we’ll see you no more positively, Ford or Ferrari. A shared trip to Thailand, though, might show us why we should keep you around.
5. We want someone who prioritizes unorthodox traits in his mate, as well.
It is so, so boring to bear witness to all of these men chasing women with massive boobs and an IQ of approximately zero, like dogs after the sacred brain-dead bone.
Show us that you value and respect women who demonstrate class, carry themselves well and can speak eloquently. Demonstrate that you’re interested in something other than our bodies. This not only makes you special; it also renders you a bit of a unicorn in the mating game.
Everyone wants a unicorn.
This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
Cecily (@WellHelloCecily) is a freelance writer who has been published on multiple publications covering lifestyle, health and entertainment. She handles editorial for Tower Paddle Boards (@TowerPB) in San Diego, where she struggles with both brevity and wanderlust.