You’re just as comfortable being silent as you are talking.
A relationship is just like an assh*le — you know something’s wrong when you can’t control the sh*t that’s coming out of it.
Relationships are either fueled by drama, childish antics and insecurities or love, trust and compassion. They are either a f*cking sh*tshow, or one of the best things that will ever happen in your life.
We’ve all experienced crazy relationships, but few of us have embarked on that journey with someone who is no longer about the drama of it or the excitement of the honeymoon period, but the ease and comfort of knowing that you don’t need drama to keep it going.
Relationships are difficult because if you’re not careful, you could find yourself in the middle of a toxic wasteland that leads to nothing but shameful stories and deep scars.
Many times, it’s hard to see clearly in the cloudy fog we’ve come to know as love, and many of us end up going a little nuts. But when you have a healthy relationship, you’ll know. It will feel secure and calm and just… easy.
1. It’s not assumed you’re hanging out Friday night
You’re not those people who refuse to keep their schedules open because every night is date night. You make plans with each other the same way friends do, and if you’re busy Friday night, then maybe you’ll just see each other Saturday… or not at all.
2. When your partner is upset, you don’t assume it’s about you
Narcissism left the relationship long ago. No longer are all your fights about petty nonsense and you don’t think that every silence, bad mood and talk is going to be about you.
3. You don’t have to pretend to like everything your partner likes
You’re comfortable enough to admit when you’re not happy or don’t like something without it turning the other off. You already know each other and what will and won’t appeal to both of you.
4. You don’t ask each other where you want to eat, you both already know
Deciding where to go to dinner isn’t a two-hour game of tag. You know what the other likes and it’s just deciding who gets to be the big winner (and big spender).
5. It doesn’t feel like one of you is always begging for sex
You’re both mature enough to handle an adult sex life. You don’t think anything is wrong if you go a few days without having it and are both as excited and willing when it does.
6. You can make a stupid mistake without it being the end of things
We’re all going to be a little crazy at times. Whether it was that one time you snooped or when he accidentally lied, neither of you is perfect. Knowing this, you both don’t freak out after every fight or small mistake. You know your relationship is strong enough to get through those silly human errors.
7. The sex is better because it’s not only physical, but emotional
It’s not about crazy positions and elaborate schemes. The sex isn’t boring because it’s not just sex anymore. You’ve reached an emotional connection that doesn’t need all the bells and whistles of a one-night stand.
8. You don’t think twice about spending time with either of your families
It’s not some big ordeal to have your partner over with your family. Both are comfortable around each other and you’re not freaking out every time your dad makes a lame joke.
9. Sometimes you’re relieved to spend time with your partner’s family
You look at your partner’s family as a respite from your own. You get all the benefits without the years of drama. You have someone cooking for you, but not someone nagging you to keep your napkin folded on your lap.
10. You never feel obligated to hang out
Spending time apart isn’t a sign that something’s wrong, but that things are finally right. You are comfortable enough in the relationship to go days without seeing each other and not worry if your partner’s affection is gone as well.
11. You’re just as comfortable being silent as you are talking
Just because you don’t talk for two hours doesn’t mean you’ve run out of things to say. It means you’re comfortable saying nothing and knowing it means nothing. And nothing is sometimes the best conversation there is.
12. You have your own hobbies and your own friends
Your partner respects the life you had prior to him or her and expects you to keep some semblance of it. You are both supportive and understanding of the separate lives you must continue to lead.
13. You don’t need to make plans
You’re at that point where it’s not about doing fun things together, but having fun just being together. You don’t need to spend any money or put on any airs. Television and takeout are staples in your down time.
14. You ask questions out of curiosity, not jealousy
You want to know about each other’s days, not because you want to figure something out, but because you really want to know. You share the other’s achievements — and failures — as if they were your own.
15. You don’t worry about who is paying for what
You get this one, he gets the next. It’s not about getting a free meal or buying her affection, you are past that. Now it’s about sharing and caring, helping each other out and buying rounds because you genuinely want to.
16. You have the same vices
If you’re going to quit smoking or drinking, you’re going to do it together. You guys get along because you understand each other. Those perfect moments in your relationship are when you’re sharing a cigarette or an afternoon joint.
17. You don’t have a problem telling each other to chill
You like to indulge in vices together as much as you like to drop them together. You’re close enough to point out when a habit has become too much. You don’t say it out of malice or drama, but because you genuinely care.
18. You’re both grossed out by PDA
Considering you’ve already passed the honeymoon phase, you know it doesn’t last. You aren’t worried about your relationship when you see another couple making out on the train, you’re worried about theirs. “It doesn’t last!”
19. Everything is not a “we”
Just because you’re dating someone doesn’t mean you are that someone. You are intent on keeping your own identity and your own life. Just because you’re technically a “we” now doesn’t mean you don’t identify as an “I.”
This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
Lauren Martin is a Senior Lifestyle Writer at Elite Daily. After graduating from PSU, she moved to NYC to write fart jokes at Smosh Magazine. Making her way to ED, she now writes riveting commentary on nude pics, condoms and first dates.
Photo: Daniel Lee/Flickr