If you want to be part of a successful relationship, you must be willing and able to invest the effort required to make it work, regardless of any obstacle that stands in your way.
Singlehoodvilleburg, USA is a town we’ve all visited. I, for one, happen to be the incumbent mayor who has a very good chance of re-election. Although the city’s population has never been determined, rumors say it is home to more than 75 percent of the world’s citizens.
Some play their cards right and leave forever; others regretfully move back, overcome with disappointment. If you sold your house in The ‘Burg and found happiness in another individual, allow me to congratulate and wish you nothing but continued success. If you haven’t, not to worry.
What I’m about to tell you will surely minimize the constant frustration that comes with the territory and, in return, maximize your chances of finding a suitable mate.
I’m a believer in tough love and anyone who knows me well enough will have no problem telling you I shoot straight from the hip.
I’ll admit this has gotten me in trouble plenty of times, but honesty is still the best policy. For that reason, I will speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth:
The reason you haven’t been able to find the one is because he or she doesn’t exist.
When we utter the words “the one,” we can’t help but picture a flawless utopia in our heads. In his book, “Winning Ugly,” former tennis pro and coach Brad Gilbert explains, “When we chase perfection, we’re chasing a myth.” As a result, we’re constantly swimming in a sea of disappointment that grows deeper with each failed relationship.
You have a better chance of winning the lottery three times in a row than finding your perfect match.
As a hopeless romantic, I know what it’s like to aim for the sky and come up empty-handed, time after time. Like you, I know what heartbreak feels like, and yes, I, too, question whether or not I’ll attain what I yearn to have.
The root of the term “relationship” is “relate” and, in this day and age, we lose that very important skill as days pass. Fewer people are willing to relate to their partners in ways only they can because they are becoming increasingly emotionally lazy. This can lead to indifference, which is a relationship killer.
Attention, interest and desire all suffer the consequences of your actions or lack thereof. If you want to be part of a successful relationship, you must be willing and able to invest the effort required to make it work, regardless of any obstacle that stands in your way.
When couples tell me they’ve been fighting over petty arguments, I tell them they shouldn’t be concerned one bit. The real worry is when there’s nothing over which to fight.
Contrary to popular belief, relationships are not 50/50, they’re 100/100. The inability to provide your partner with a solid foundation will set you up for failure, even before you take life’s journey together.
You wouldn’t board the Titanic knowing what you know now, would you? Neither would I.
Here’s my advice: Stop sulking in a corner and tormenting yourself with the expectation of finding love if you won’t make the necessary changes in your life.
Let me save you the suspense: Earth has more than 7 billion inhabitants. Do you really think your true love just happened to be sitting down at the local bar this weekend, waiting for you to show up and buy him or her a drink? Do you really believe you’ll just run into a complete stranger, hit it off and the rest will be history?
Do you buy into the notion that couples who have been married for 40 years haven’t endured a single obstacle? Not a chance. With that said, it’s time to turn that frown upside down.
Now that I’ve given you the bad news in a nutshell, here’s the good news: Through hard work and dedication, you can create your own soul mate. It’s all fun and games until you realize what it takes for love to truly blossom.
Even Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams’ characters in “The Notebook” wanted to kill each other from time to time, but it was their unconditional love for one another that made their bond stronger. They never gave up on themselves, which is the attitude you must adopt moving forward so the probability of living life by someone’s side increases dramatically.
Chances are, you’ve actually come across someone who could have made you happy. If you apply my theory, odds are you didn’t even notice because the work ethic just wasn’t there.
Nothing worth having in this life comes easily. Put up a fight for who and what you love.
This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
Francisco Alvarez is an ICF certified life coach, speaker & entrepreneur. Originally from Puerto Rico, he is a graduate of St. Thomas University. A lover of people, his goals include an appearance on ABC’s Shark Tank & giving a TEDTalk lecture.