The author explains to women why men constantly check them out. And why it’s OK.
Ladies. All (straight) men look at you. We notice every curve. Every detail. Your clothes. Your hair. We love your voice, and your beautiful eyes. Your hips call us, and your shapely legs mesmerize us. We want you. We lust for you. We, myself, that dude in the corner, even that really old guy, we all want to sleep with you.
But here’s the kicker.
Just because we would like to, doesn’t mean we’ll try to.
Once again, women of the world.
Just because a man would LIKE to sleep with you, doesn’t mean he’ll TRY to.
I’m writing this, because I think something’s been lost in this particular dialogue between men and women. I understand that women have fought for respect for decades, and that they have the right to not be ogled by creeps. I am all for women’s rights (really common sense rights for all humans). I’m totally against any form of sexual harassment, and inappropriate sexual conversations in the workplace and social situations.
However. Men are men. And most (typical) men go all reptile brain when they see a woman that they are attracted to. We can’t help it. One of my personal heroes, sports radio host Colin Cowherd, has said several times, “Two things make smart men dumb. Sports and hot women” I’m sure Gandhi himself would high five a stranger if he saw Kim Kardashian walking down the street. Men love women. Men go crazy for hot women or things about a woman we may individually consider hot. We may not show it. We may stop drooling just in time to turn our gaze downward when the woman we may be drooling over sees us, but we are watching.
And that’s OK.
Just because we would like to, doesn’t mean we’ll try to.
This goes for all women. Yes, we’ll obviously lose our shit over the hottie who’s gym toned and has 4% body fat. But we (men) are also checking out the full figured woman at the other end of the bar, and the older woman at the gas station. Good men (plugging) like what they like, and lust after what they consider sexy.
But ladies. Please remember. We don’t mean any harm. We are just appreciating one of the coolest creations God has ever made. You. The woman. All of you. If you catch a man out the corner of your eye, (respectfully) checking you out? Don’t get mad. Don’t get upset.
Just because we would like to… doesn’t mean we’ll try to.
Photo Dmitry Mordolff/Flickr
As someone who has lived on both sides of the gender fence I can with certainty tell you that testosterone makes a difference in why this happens. Before T, I used to notice ladies – after T – well, it’s like my brain took on a life of its own in terms of how strong that “noticing” is. It’s not usually a sexual thing either – it’s more of an appreciation, an acknowledgement or sorts. Granted, this acknowledgement may not be particularly welcomed by the recipient. Personally, I think the biggest thing we (guys) can do is ensure that we… Read more »
I think a more powerful argument than “Just because we would like to, doesn’t mean we’ll try to” is “Just because we would like to, doesn’t mean CAN”. Check out this other post I wrote on the same topic at:
http://www.mensanity.com/logical-advice-for-men-new-post-monday/2014/2/10/bg8280fguswto125ivm3g88j6fqdpa
The actual risks from looking at women just do not materialize most of the time.
There is a huge difference between non-verbal and verbal appreciation. For the most part, non-verbal is fine, in my opinion. However, this sounds like a PSA for men harassing women in the street. I’ve been verbally “appreciated” by a lot of random male strangers. Most of it was unwanted, unprovoked, creepy, and or offensive. Whether it was a comment about my body, my face, or something about how we could get down, I did not feel like I was being seen as a person. Many times they insulted me when I did not respond properly, regardless of the fact I… Read more »
@reneesomething.
So, if a stranger (male) offered you an innocent compliment on your watch or coat or handbag….., would you consider this “unwanted, unprovoked, creepy, and or offensive?”
Also, if the guy were super attractive would it make a difference?
Thanks.
“also, if the guy were super attractive, would it make a difference?” Ah, ya think!
Sorry for the late reply, I forgot I posted here. What does me finding the man attractive have to do with this? If he treats me with disrespect and makes me feel bad for leaving my house, then it doesn’t matter how good he looks. Regardless, if I’m uninterested in keeping up the conversation, then I do not have to keep talking. The reasons are irrelevant to him and to anybody else, and I don’t have to explain nor prove them. As for the innocent comment it depends on his body language and tone. The other day I had a… Read more »
He’s absolutely right and you men know he is. What’s wrong with writing about heterosexual men. There is no mandatory rule, law, nothing against it. In addition, women look at men the same way. I hear them swoon often.
@Stan,
Kudos!!!!!
We are all suppose to pretend….That’s the way the thought police wants it to be.
I say f**k the thought police and their cronies!!!!!
Please don’t do something to another human being and then have the audacity to tell them that it’s showing respect. You have NO RIGHT to tell another person how YOUR actions should be received.
So dudes.. just because a girl rolls her eyes and hopes death upon you.. just remember they just WISHED you would die they won’t actually TRY to kill you.
“Good men (plugging) like what they like, and lust after what they consider sexy.”
Yes, oh so true. I am certainly one of those men. I just like my women one at a time. Even today I have seen several beautiful and elegant women. The way they walk, the way they smell, the way they talk is such a turn on for me.
GMP,
““Good men (plugging) like what they like, and lust after what they consider sexy.”
Yes, oh so true. I am certainly one of those men. I just like my women one at a time. Even today I have seen several beautiful and elegant women. The way they walk, the way they smell, the way they talk is such a turn on for me.”
I posted this NOT Anonymous!
What is going on with GMP these days?
Gold Bless you Greg, I haven’t read an article from you that wasn’t sincere, but this article visibly caused a cartoon like mushroom cloud to pop up over my head while smoke blew out of ears..but just for a split second. It’s clear that men do not like to be a source of displeasure for women. Many men feel personally responsible for their own woman’s happiness. It can be a lovely thing. But unfortunately, sometimes it doesn’t leave much room open for women to express displeasure without men feeling personally attacked and defensive. So I understand why a man wouldn’t… Read more »
Erin, “Simply, sometimes it doesn’t feel good to be looked at for your body. Because a man looking at your body has nothing to do with appreciating you. It only has to do with appreciating your body.” And what do you say of the women who want to have sex with men ONLY because they have great bodies or a large member? Or the women who have sex with men they do not even think enough of to date? Or women who objectify men for sexual purposes (‘I want to fuck a Black guy…’) “Believe me, men never let us… Read more »
Jules, what in my response suggested that men had a monopoly on shallowness? I simply address the article in the vein that it was presented. Which was specifically about the male gaze. None of the men who responded seemed to have an issue with the perspective Greg presented and the fact that he exclusively talked about it regarding how men look at women. Why then would there be an issue with me talking about it from that perspective as well, as a woman? I don’t doubt there are women out there who objectify men for their looks. Though I personally… Read more »
It’s ALWAYS the topic, Erin.
What more *really* needs saying here?
We’re shallow bastards. We get it.
Yeah, men sometimes are shallow Oirish. And it sucks sometimes. As for the “bastards” part, only you added that. Not me.
So I understand why a man wouldn’t want a woman to get upset because he checked her out. It’s a totally understandable feeling on the man’s part. But things get a little more dicey when men begin to dictate to women what they shouldn’t get upset about. And when we imply that a woman getting upset in response to something a man does is not an acceptable response because hey, men will be men. Unnecessary. One need simply point out that it is an inconsistent standpoint. Men can’t dictate to women what they should or shouldn’t get upset about. And… Read more »
OH… so you don’t believe that women should be able to have feelings about beiing checked out like a piece of meat because it’s “irrational” but GOD FORBID anybody tell a man that they should FEEL somethign about a women’s FEELINGS about something YOU DID in the first place. You don’t like a woman’s feelings.. Then don’t do the very thing that causees these feelings.. It is very entitled thinking that leads one to believe that one’s feelings aginst an action is to be held more responsible than THE ACTION itself that created the emotion. No action. No reaction. The… Read more »
OH… so you don’t believe that women should be able to have feelings about beiing checked out like a piece of meat because it’s “irrational” Goodness me. Is that what I said? No. Have the feelings to your heart’s content. The mere fact that they are your feelings does not mean they are necessarily rational and beyond question. Please quote me more fully next time. 🙂 http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/ This is a sample of how men are treated based on feelings that manages to be both irrational and bigoted at the same time. And where is there any suggestion of being checked… Read more »
Oirish, there is a marked difference between what I am saying compared with you and why my standpoint is neither inconsistent or contradictory. It isn’t wrong to say that a woman’s reaction to you looking at her can hurt. A woman shouldn’t tell you to simply “not get hurt” either. That would be dismissive to your feelings. I think you would actually get a heck of a lot further by being open about how women’s reactions can feel vs telling women all the reasons why it’s okay to objectify them or why they shouldn’t feel a certain way. Do you… Read more »
Greg:
I applaud for writing this. It is simple unvarnished truth, spoken thoughtfully and plainly. You have built in all the necessary disclaimers, and even apologized in advance. Who could possibly be offended about this.
Dude, you are gonna get taken apart…
Whether he gets taken apart or not, what he is saying is true.
Never give up. Never give in.
Stay the course Greg!
Thanks for manslaining that for me.
Mansplaining a man’s point of view?
Thank goodness you pointed that out ^_^
on a man’s website, no less!
THE NERVE
“Men are men. And most (typical) men go all reptile brain when they see a woman that they are attracted to” You have to be kidding me. This is the type of commentary I thought the Good men project was seeking to eliminate.
No.. men are animals who just haven’t evolved in fully human yet… but men only use this excuse when they are trying to do something they don’t want to be held accountable for.. In any other circumstance you can believe that they would be ANGRY over such a suggestion that men are beasts..
This seems like really heteronormative evopsych bunk.
Every hetero man I’ve ever met has an involuntary, positive reaction to an attractive woman basking in the light of her powerful, loving, giving, confident femininity. He knows it when he FEELS it.
Every hetero woman I’ve ever met has an involuntary, positive reaction to an attractive man basking in the light of his powerful, loving, giving, confident masculinity. She knows it when she FEELS it.
It’s normal. It’s healthy. It’s unchangeable.
Just because some people make unhealthy decisions after they feel this attraction doesn’t make the attraction wrong.
I am not entirely a fan of the article either and I’m going to get to that but I’m kind of tired of articles getting bashed because they may be “heteronormative”, a word I am beginning to dislike. Alot of people are heterosexual and alot of articles are going to focus on heterosexual individuals. That doesn’t mean there isn’t room for discussion about other types of sexuality but neither should we attack articles simply for focusing on heterosexual approaches to sex and relationships. If you didn’t like the article, you should actually state why, respectfully, and not simply just do… Read more »
@Anonymous,
“heteronormative”
The majority of men ARE hetero? So, what is your problem?
There are gay and other gender type articles on GMP.