A friend broke up with their partner a few days ago. She was in a particularly bad mood, so I had a remote “consultation” with her.
Speaking of her boyfriend, she told me he did his best when he first pursued her. Every Monday, he would send a bunch of flowers to the company. When she got off work, he would wait for her downstairs in the lobby. He would invite her to dinner and make sure she got home safely.
One day it was cold, so he gave her a scarf. Another time, knowing that she worked overtime all night the day before, but there was an important meeting the next day, he brought her a cup of black coffee early in the morning.
It was because of his careful and considerate concern that she slowly fell in love with him at and wanted to be with him.
However, this sweet atmosphere probably only lasted until the third month of their relationship. After that, her boyfriend said that an important project had come up, so he didn’t have time to send her flowers or wait for her when she got off work. Later, he didn’t even bother to send messages every day.
Later, every time she called, he said that he was busy with something, and sometimes she couldn’t even see him for a week.
And then, as expected, the man turned his face and dumped her. Although all the signs were there, it still seemed ruthless.
This made me suddenly think of the phrase — “washing machine love”. What is “washing machine love”?
The so-called washing machine-style love means, first soak you, entangle you, revolve around you, entangle you like glue, then squeeze you dry, and then throw you aside, high and dry…
Now that’s ruthless. This does not to say all potential partners are this way. But if you see the signs, beware.
The essence of love is to choose what one wants, and any stable long-term relationship must be a precise value match. Boundaries must be respected. There must be communication about needs and desires. If one person gives all the time and attention but the other person doesn’t — there may well be problems down the road.
A concept is introduced here, called the cat rope theory.
You’ll find that cats never flinch at your command, but they’ll be tempted to chase.
If you tie a feather to the end of the rope and shake it properly, you can get your cat to perform stunts. But if you put feathers in front of your cat, he’ll just scoff at it.
In the early stages of love, the same may be true for men. If you play games, they may play games back. If you don’t develop deep intimacy together, they may not know how to cherish it.
So, how do we balance investment and gain? This requires us to guide from three aspects:
01 Show your value, while realizing this can mean many things.
Only valuable things are worth investing in. If you are worthless yourself, or you don’t show your worth, you can’t stimulate the other party’s desire to invest in you.
Many women ask, “Does he love me”, but few ask if they are able to give love back.
There are many things of value to bring to a relationship. Warmth, kindness, humor, the ability to listen, support, honesty, intelligence. All of those have value.
Don’t give up self-learning and improvement. Self-awareness is sexy, as is empathy and emotional intelligence. Giving of yourself and demonstrating love are always in style.
02 “Small for big” implies expectations
It is possible to receive significant rewards for making small contributions–but it is important to only do so with someone who has genuine feelings for you. Giving gifts to someone who does not care about you is not worth the effort.
If you want to give gifts, consider giving a man a small gift that he will appreciate and possibly even need. The value of the gift is not as important as the thought behind it.
Many men will feel the need to reciprocate and give something in return when they receive a gift. This could be due to a desire to maintain their pride or a sense of indebtedness. It could also be a way to show love and appreciation.
Overall, making small investments in a relationship can lead to generous returns, especially if it is done with the intention of showing love and care.
03 Return on investment and guide him to continue to invest
It’s important to remember that a person’s behavior is ultimately their own responsibility. You cannot force someone to treat you well. Remember these things to increase the likelihood you will have a positive and healthy relationship:
- Communicate openly and honestly. It’s important to communicate your needs and boundaries in a relationship, and to listen to your partner’s needs and boundaries as well. By having open and honest communication, you help create a foundation of mutual respect and understanding.
- Set boundaries and stick to them: It’s important to set clear boundaries in a relationship and to communicate them to your partner. This can include things like how you expect to be treated, what you are and are not comfortable with, and what your expectations are for the relationship. By setting and enforcing boundaries, you can help create a healthy and respectful dynamic in the relationship.
- Practice self-care: It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and to take care of yourself emotionally and physically. This can help you feel more confident and self-assured, which can in turn help you attract and maintain a healthy relationship.
- Seek support: If you feel like you’re in a toxic or unhealthy relationship, it can be helpful to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. They can provide a listening ear and help you work through any challenges you may be facing.
It’s also important to remember that no one is perfect, and even the best relationships will have ups and downs.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Timothy Meinberg on Unsplash