Like so many women, I have sought love and romance my whole life. While I was clear that I did not necessarily want to get married or have children at a young age, I was pretty certain that it would happen eventually. As will be told in my forthcoming ebook, Love Letters to My Soul, my soul’s seeking for divine love may not be what I am supposed to be doing in this life. It is a painful realization to know that the plan, up until now, is about to change.
“You wanna fly, you got to give up the sh — that weighs you down.” — Toni Morrison
For thousands of years, women have had to forgo their dreams and desires in order to get married and survive. It is only very recently that women can really choose to pursue their life purpose without fear of being destitute. Choosing such a path, however, requires one to truly understand the journey toward divine love. When you meet and heal, the service to the world and community may not be done together for a long time — if ever.
Men and women are being separated for a reason. COVID-19 has brought a new way of interacting with others and new opportunities. It often does not feel this way but many of us on a spiritual path are facing a new phase of initiation — but we have to be brave enough to leave behind old hopes, dreams and disappointments to follow our destiny.
Today’s circumstance is a reminder that we can fall in love, choose to love and still be able to choose to stay on our life path. We are in a time of rest and restoration. We are in time of contemplation of what is truly in our highest good. While we can envision a life where we build a new home and a new family, we must not forget the importance of building our individual lives as well. Some of us are on the path of learning that we do not need the energy of others to thrive. It is the co-dependency on all others that the Universe is asking us to break.
Where Psychology Went Wrong
In psychology, we talk about relationships almost as something that can be fixed with a textbook approach. We sometimes believe that the problem with relationships is that we do not have enough intellectual knowledge of how to function in them or that the other person has “issues” that come with a diagnosis and that is the reason for the problem. The truth is, and the true founders of modern psychology knew this, if you forgo studying the self, you are just doomed to operate in a world where you are conditioned to act like everyone else. Psychology was supposed to be the scientific field that studied consciousness but instead, we morphed into a discipline obsessed with becoming more like medical doctors.
Modern psychology has only been around since 1879 when Wilhelm Wundt opened up the first experimental psychology lab in Germany. He taught his students to study the self through a structured, self-observational approach that sought to dig deep into the physical sensations and map out the emotions and the mental thought processes.
Unfortunately for all of us, BF Skinner took over and claimed that introspection was not science because other people could not see emotions or thoughts. I’m not sure how we took a scientist who placed his own children into his experiments seriously, but we have ignored introspection — the tool that founded modern psychology as a science, ever since. It resulted in us ignoring the study of consciousness in favor of the medicalization of psychology as well.
It, therefore, does not surprise me that we are all struggling to turn inward right now. We have been trained by psychology itself to look for confirmation and validation of our thoughts, emotions and beliefs in the outside world. It truly is not our fault.
A New Path Toward Healing
Some of my most powerful healing has taken place on the dance floor with my tango instructor and with my individual singing lessons. I learned from my reiki-trained tango teacher what healthy touch is supposed to feel like through self-inquiry of my breath, body and connection with my teacher. I re-learned what my nervous system feels like when I’m around healthy people. Most of all, I fell in love with my body and learned to be emotionally intimate again. Tango with a healer (not just any instructor) is an amazing experience.
Since COVID-19, I have longed for opportunities to dance tango. They are not available right now — for obvious reasons. So I decided to take singing lessons. I frankly learned more about my body in my singing lessons than I have from my yoga training.
Artists are often healers without broadcasting it. In yesterday’s lesson, my teacher wisely pointed out that the role of the singer is to work interdependently with the rest of the musicians. She was pushing her baby bird out of the nest and reminding me that I do not need to depend on anyone other than myself for my happiness and future success. It is the Universe’s reminder to stay the course and continue clear lifetimes of co-dependent behavior. It is also a reminder, that as a psychologist it is okay to reclaim the tools that founded my profession.
Introspection has been my friend recently — even if the founders of modern psychology would be aghast that I believe there needs to be balance between the science and the metaphysical. I believe there are so many tools in the world now that you should be able to choose what path resonates with you.
Opening to Something New
Stay your course and don’t get distracted right now. Visualizing what you want and what is truly for your highest good takes dedication to a spiritual practice and a commitment to looking inward. As my music teacher said to me yesterday, “You wouldn’t be able to sing if somewhere, deep inside of you, you didn’t remember the notes. They live inside you not in me.”
Reach high, for the stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal. — Langston Hughes
And the funny thing about letting go is, that when you do, someone new shows up to change your life.
Previously Published on Medium