Managing disagreements with curiosity, not competition.
No relationship is perfect, and disagreements are inevitable. However, learning to argue constructively and handle unpleasantness is crucial to the long-term health of relationships. When persistent challenges feel irreconcilable, couples counseling provides an objective process to gain clarity on the issues and a path forward.
From psychologists, ‘criticism’, ‘contempt’, ‘defensiveness’, and ‘stonewalling’ are 4 factors that are lethal to relationships. In order to build a strong foundation and weather storms, relationships require mutual respect, trust, commitment, and goodwill toward each other. Rather than proving who is ‘right’, focusing on understanding each other’s perspectives cultivates empathy and deepens intimacy.
In close relationships, it is important to adopt a curious rather than a competitive mindset. Ask open-ended questions to understand how the other person thinks and feels, rather than closing conversations with accusations or insistence on being right.
Describing your own thoughts and feelings can reveal unexpected common ground and reduce tension. While occasional disagreement is inevitable, make repair attempts to keep conflicts from escalating into resentment or withdrawal.
Should challenges continue to make you feel insurmountable, ‘Couples Counseling’ provides an objective view into the dynamics of a relationship. Through a combination of joint sessions and individual interviews, underlying issues can be identified and strategies developed to move forward in a productive way. Treatment goals may change based on each couple’s needs. For example, parties may start off unwilling to continue but feel increasingly hopeful after open communication in counseling. On the other side, a couple may wish to salvage the relationship but emerge concluding that separation is the right choice. There may be uncertainty at first, but clarity often emerges over time.
Like plants need trellises to grow, counseling provides structure and support. However, a couple’s dedication to the process ultimately determines whether the relationship survives or withers. While counseling tools and techniques are valuable resources, all efforts come from two parties. When intimacy and commitment are strong, relationships can endure challenges. But if negative patterns have already taken a significant toll, it may be difficult to sustain, even with any professional advice.
The most important relationship we have is with ourselves. A counselor invites you to nurture this relationship through self-acceptance, which then connects with your close partners. Appreciating yourself and your needs is key to bringing your best self to relationships.
With inner growth and open communication, you can be managing disagreements with curiosity rather than competition, cultivating deeper understanding and lasting partnerships.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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