Let’s talk about bodies.
One of the very first professional massages I did was on an overweight man. It was hard work because of his size, not only overweight, a big man as well. A few minutes after if started the massage I heard a very definite ticking sound. I looked around the room, there was no ticking clock. It didn’t stop didn’t go away. I kept looking around and couldn’t see what was ticking. He was lying on his stomach, and when I asked him to turn over the ticking mystery was solved. He had a pacemaker, I saw the scar from the surgery.
Before the massage, when I asked him about medical conditions he never said anything.
It was a good learning experience in that people will tell you what they’ll tell you, rather than always answering your questions. For so many reasons.
When you do bodywork you get to see people in a vulnerable space, and erotic and sexual bodywork even more so.
You get to see and touch people in a way that sometimes not even their partners do.
And you see and work with a range of bodies and body reactions.
All professions have a side that not many people outside that profession get. It’s often not talked about. It’s sensitive, delicate and it’s a part of doing this work that requires a deep connection with your own heart, your own vulnerability and your own humanness.
Doing this work, erotic massage, you work with people who are fit and healthy, have good looking bodies, sometimes beautiful bodies.
And you work with people across the spectrum of being human. People who carry more with, people who are not so well-groomed, people who are hairier, people who are older and younger.
You work with people.
In a space of vulnerability.
You work with people who fart during massages.
You work with, and I’ve experienced this a few times, women who have had such physically intense orgasms that they’ve pooped.
And all of these moments, with every single person, is a moment of possibility, for you to connect with your heart, for you to connect that energy with the person you’re working with, for you to express as much acknowledgment of that person and as much love as you can.
If you’re just there to look at pretty people, to touch pretty people, men or women, you’ve bought into an incredibly empty sense of humanness. Your massage will probably never come from the heart. Your massage will probably never be about the intimacy of the connection. Your massage will probably never be about the energy of sexuality. And your massage will probably never be an expression of the Sacred, one human being recognizing the divinity in another.
I’ve seen this so much over the years of practicing and teaching. People, men more than women, who ask to come on a massage course without a partner, and ask about the physical looks of the woman they’d like to be paired up with. I’ve come to this. If you’re there to learn if you’re there to grow, to experience, the moment, whatever it is, has amazing possibilities for you.
I remember a story.
Just before we released the first Expanded Orgasm video that we produced, a guy messaged me for weeks before asking when it would be ready. I came to know a little about him, a 3rd generation sheep farmer in quite a desolate part of the country. An enormous man, when I met him. He bought the video, and a few years later called me to say he was coming to the city where I lived, he wanted to come for a lesson with his girlfriend, which he did. He was staying a little longer and asked me what else I was doing that week. I had a massage workshop the next night and told him that whoever he’d be partnered with was the only way for him to be there. He was fine with this. And it turned out that the only possibility was another man, also big, an athlete, very masculine. Both these guys were OK with the arrangement. After we’d talked, and I’d demonstrated a little, we put the lights down, there was a fire burning, soft music, everybody getting deeply into the stillness and massage. And I heard something from the corner where these two guys were that I haven’t forgotten to this day. ‘Fuck, if that’s how you touch I’m not surprised you struggle with women.’ Everyone burst out laughing. They learned more about themselves as men that night than ever before. And had an experience of such human intimacy that impacted deeply on them in so many ways.
The willingness to be vulnerable, as a practitioner, as a giver and receiver, opens the heart, allows the energy to flow and creates experiences of mind-blowing possibility.
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Photo courtesy iStock.
This post previously published on eroslife and is republished with the permission of the author.