Is online dating dead? Is it still possible to find a lifetime partner? Yes and no.
I’ve been in one, found one, and have known many people who were in the online dating pool and found success in it. It’s not impossible.
However, I’ve also seen people who are traumatized from using any dating apps anymore because of bad experiences. Some got cheated on, lied to, and taken advantage of by someone they met online.
Horror stories from online dating are no longer new. Netflix even had a movie dedicated to it, which shows how dangerous Tinder can be.
But why more and more people are still signing up for it? While knowing how risky it can get.
I’m not here to sell you empty promises that anyone can find love just by swiping left and right. Relationships are hard work overall.
I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to give your best shot, at least once. Because it’s unfair to conclude online dating sucks when you’ve never been in it, to begin with.
Before anything else, know what you want in a partner
Imagine signing up on a dating app not knowing what you really want.
Sure, you might say you want someone to have a relationship with. However, your intention should be clearer than that.
What kind of partner do you want to attract? Does age matter to you?
What about their personalities? Do you want it long-term, or do you not mind casually dating?
Too many people aren’t clear enough about what they want. Their list is too shallow because they look for either good-looking or just rich.
“But we need to be practical! We need money to survive!”
Yes, I agree. However, trust me. Basing your search only on external factors won’t help you in the long run.
They might be rich or good-looking. Still, if they aren’t honest or respectful to you, then there’s no point.
I truly believe once you can build the foundation (trust and respect) together, everything else will get easier.
So set your intention right. It’ll save you a lot of unnecessary heartbreaks during your time on dating apps.
On setting some boundaries and catching early red flags
If you want to get what you want in online dating, you need to have some boundaries.
You need to let people know your tolerance limit. Set and tell them how much you’re willing to give.
Many people give and give to someone who isn’t sure yet. Early investing, even before it’s an official relationship, doesn’t work anymore. All efforts should be balanced.
Long gone are the days when women need to beg for a man’s attention. Or a man needs to keep giving material stuff to make a woman wants him.
Setting some boundaries when you’re still in the getting-to-know stage will help remove all the unnecessary drama. You simply move on when he/she doesn’t respect you or give the same effort.
Aside from it, you also need to know how to catch the red flags as early as possible.
Some common red flags on online dating that I’ve experienced in the past are:
- Kept talking shits about their exes — even though they claimed they’ve moved on.
- Didn’t want to pay the bill when going on a date. It’s just a big turn-off.
- Refused to go on a date in public. ‘Netflix and Chill’ is the way to go.
- Refused to listen to my stories and kept talking about how good they were in their past relationships (narcissism).
Now, depending on what you’re looking for in a partner, there should be some standards you have to keep no matter what happens. Settling down for less only means opening a path to another disappointment.
So, set some boundaries to make people respect you. And do your best to catch the red flags, even before the relationship begins.
Everyone’s journey is different so don’t compare
Lastly, it’s important to remind yourself that everyone’s journey on dating apps is different. Just like how it is in life.
Just because your friend ends up marrying a guy she met from Bumble in a short period, it doesn’t mean yours will be the same. Don’t put that pressure on your shoulder.
There’s no need to beat yourself up for it. Even if things don’t go your way in the online dating pool and you decide you’ll just look for a partner offline, it’s more than okay.
You don’t have to stay on the App if you’re so done with it already. I’ve got a friend who refused to leave Tinder because he thought it was the only way he could meet new people.
While the truth is, there are still people who met their partners. It could be through book clubs, fun communities, colleges, and many more.
Go explore the online dating world however you want. But, if you know it no longer works for you, maybe it’s time to quit and start over.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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