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Remaking Manhood is a collection of Mark Greene’s most widely shared articles on American culture, relationships, family and parenting. It is a timely and balanced look at the issues at the heart of the modern masculinity movement. Mark’s articles on masculinity and manhood have received over 100,000 FB shares and 10 million page views. Get Remaking Manhood IN PRINT or on the free Kindle Reader app for any Mac, Windows or Android device here.
Read more by Mark Greene:
A Manifesto: Relational Intelligence For Our Children
The Ugly and Violent Death of Gender Conformity
When "Check Your Male Privilege" Becomes a Bludgeon
Why Are Death Rates Rising for Middle Aged White Americans?
When Men Keep Demanding Sex From Their Partners Over and Over
How the Man Box Can Kill Our Sons Now or Decades from Now
Why Traditional Manhood is Killing Us
Why Do We Murder the Beautiful Friendships of Boys?
How America’s Culture of Shame is a Killer for Boys
The Culture of Shame: Men, Love, and Emotional Self-Amputation
The Man Box: Why Men Police and Punish Others
The Man Box: The Link Between Emotional Suppression and Male Violence
The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer
Touch Isolation: How Homophobia Has Robbed All Men of Touch
Boys and Self-Loathing: The Conversations That Never Took Place
The Dark Side of Women’s Requests of Progressive Men
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“The railroads were built by men, strong willed men who endured. The mining industry with countless ill men did what had to be done, what was expected to be done so as to support their families.”
Yeah, many of these men died from brutal working conditions, lousy pay, no worker compensation, no Social Security disability, no strong unions/labor laws with no compassion from their wealthy male bosses no toss them away when they no longer needed them..
A very hauntingly true picture Mark.
Thanks for pointing it out.
Another observation (I don’t know if the Good Men Project has picked up on this yet or not) is that emotional repression may also be suppressing our most creative geniuses. Unusually intense feelings/emotions, often referred to as “emotional intensity”, has recurred disproportionately in many of the great innovators of the past, e.g. Mozart, Beethoven, Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, and more recently Steve Jobs. There is also some evidence that Mahatma Gandhi, and the historical Jesus (who gave rise to Christianity) had some degree of “emotional intensity” too, notably unusually advanced empathy. For example see here: http://sengifted.org/archives/articles/emotional-intensity-in-gifted-children In some ways this… Read more »
superb post – bless – mike esler
Good graphic but the question is … How do we fix it? With so many boys being raised in fatherless households, many boys are taking on the role of the “man of the house.” Worse yet, mom’s are not only allowing it, they are often times encouraging it. They want their boys to take on the traditional role of a man that they never had. A good percent of the boys I work with sell drugs to ease the financial problems in the family.This is commonly seen in fatherless homes and notably less common in homes where there is a… Read more »
The dark side of this coin, John. We men have always done as told. When we were told to bury our emotions, we did. When we were marched off to war, we did. When we were told to shut the hell up, suck it up, we did. We are now being told to open up, and we are. Thing is though, that we, our masculinity is being blamed rather than the actual culprit…and it is exactly why we need to turn off all input, gain our voice, raise our voice, and do exactly what they heck each and every one… Read more »
DJ You write well. It is not the first time you have given a speech like this one. Women are now those with power ? And men have always done what they are told. NO DJ. Societies change when people do not do what they are told. Sometimes that creates new and better society, or sometimes, it ends in chaos and mass killings like in Syria today. But do not tell us that men have always done what they are told to do. You present a picture of men as weak covards , like marionettes. And you talk about woman… Read more »
Marionettes … I like the analogy. Yes, men have been for years and years. They’ve been told who they are supposed to be, where to be, how to be. That’s not saying men haven’t made decisions but those decisions were within the confines of a “man box.” At the age of 18, it was exhilarating while anticipating a number to be drawn. Ya think the mortality rate of men is a happenstance? That men are genetically broken and fall apart sooner then women? Men doing what they’re told is far from weak. It takes great resolve to get up in… Read more »
You don’t even realize what s/he said… s/he just merely said men don’t always do as they are told.
“We’re told we have to give our kids gender neutral toys and by all means avoid anything that’s perceived to be misogynistic.”
What a DISGRACE to kids that many people choose to avoid anything that is misogynistic! And gosh, gender neutral toys?! The horror, people!
Hi
Several interesting comment from you here Nosotros :).
Can anyone tell me how long I am to wait before I can post comments?
I am told I post to fast or my email address is not valid or ………
The problems with this website is never ending and drives me nuts.
Funny that you start by saying DJ doesn’t realize what someone else is saying and then you go out of your way to take what DJ is saying out of context. What a DISGRACE to kids that many people choose to avoid anything that is misogynistic! And gosh, gender neutral toys?! The horror, people! The problem isn’t avoiding misogyny. The problem is the “perceived to be” part. Letting a boy play on a girls team is considered misogyny because it gives him an unfair advantage (but letting girls play on a boys team is empowering). Male only spaces are deemed… Read more »
Correct. ME
You are doing it, Kim. You are repackaging rather than listen. I am writing in reference to my own country. In that, the analysis is correct. If the topic of women’s rights in Syria comes up, that writing will be in support of them because they have it just as bad, or worse actually, then the average man does here (we just don’t see it here, or don’t want to). Remember, I’m writing more in support of the hundreds of thousands of men buried beneath white crosses, who never had the “right” to vote because we killed them defending that… Read more »
OK , lets look into the future DJ. Imagine that men in the U.S. get the reproductive rights you want. It will change society and it will influence who women will have sex with , both before marriage ,after marriage and in all kinds of relationships. Who will women choose to trust inside their own body. I can only guess,but smart woman ,normal intelligence women will be selective about who they share their body with and less men that today will have sex. it is naive of MRA to think sex will be as free an available for lots of… Read more »
Imagine that men in the U.S. get the reproductive rights you want. It will change society and it will influence who women will have sex with , both before marriage ,after marriage and in all kinds of relationships. Who will women choose to trust inside their own body. I can only guess,but smart woman ,normal intelligence women will be selective about who they share their body with and less men that today will have sex. How would this come to pass though? Men getting reproductive rights would in no way interfere with the reproductive rights of women. Women should already… Read more »
Hi Danny Many days have passed and I was not aware of your post here. I am glad you took your time ! That men should have and must get better options of contraception ,I agree 100%. And of course men can talk to women without being seen as a creepy rapist. I agree 100%. The thing that makes me uncomfortable is that a men can force me to have child and force me to give up for adoption . I hate both the idea of having abortion and having to give up a baby for adoption. And this feeling… Read more »
Here is the apology. Note how the host frames it as the man apologizing for losing his temper, and how the story proceeds. note how the focus is on his violence rather then hers. Notice who is apologizing to the world, the victim or the perpetrator. Before we claim that we care about men we need to ask ourselves why we, as a society, put this man through all this for the crime of being a good man, a good husband, a good father…and for suffering an attack and the potential of serious injury if not death. Before we get… Read more »
DJ
You
must not stop posting!
You deal with issue without hate and you go in dialogue instead of digging yourself into the trenches.
I am sorry if I was unkind to you. Easter is not fun ,the city is empty,all shops closed and all friends are on vacation far far away and I survive by playing chess and building my family tree,….sigh.
Even women suppress unpleasant emotions like loneliness .
Unkind to me? Kim, if I may get personal for a moment, you are one of my favorite posters here (and you have no idea what kind of vile comments I’ve been subjected to in the past). I have a sense about people, and I find you to be open, honest, and forthright. I value your questions and comments as encouraging, not disparaging. It is that reason that I take no offense, but take the time to explain my point of view when you ask or challenge (especially because we come from two different worlds). If I discuss with someone,… Read more »
DJ dude, women have always done as told just as much. In fact, much more, as men for the longest time in history has had more rights, including the rights of taking women’s rights away, and so they did it frequently and consistently until not too long ago Men had women as cattle, because of their gender. And no, not every man has “crashed and burnt” and all that. Men do often, mostly with other (straight) men, but let’s not exaggerate things and cling to any single rare occurrence to try to make a point more valid. If good women… Read more »
‘We men have always done as told. When we were told to bury our emotions, we did. When we were marched off to war, we did. When we were told to shut the hell up, suck it up, we did.”
It is not only ladies that tells us these things, it is also other men as well particularly those in positions of power and those of us who refuse to do what they tell us to do are knock down because we are a threat to them.
Brilliant, DJ.
Mark, this graphic is bare essential brutal brilliance. Do you have a recovery of male emotional expression capacity graphic to depict that part of the cycle, which you are so much an influence on, for example, by creating this graphic.
I am working on that second graphic David. Coming soon.
this is tough question, but ok to share with my 12 year old lad or too much info??
Read below what happened to me at that age, Micky.
I shared with my boys from the moment I could.
Mark has eloquently identified the problem (with no name). We can close the book on that, and now must work on finding the solution, the correct one.
Micky, I think you could share this and then talk about how people might be doing this in his life. Kids can have this kind of conversation at twelve because they’re already experiencing it. A LOT of it.
https://imgur.com/FR3QqBC
I can relate to this.. I remember as a 12 year old I was telling my dad a story about this kid at school who was picking on me, and my dad said, “Man up, son!” and I felt crushed! I felt like he disregarded my deep desire to receive words of wisdom and interpreted my cry for asking how to beat the crap out of the bully at school. I learned after that, I should just keep my feelings to myself and tragically compress all of my feelings. It’s been a life long journey to re-live my compressed feelings… Read more »
As we all were told, Mesh. My encounter with a bully ended violently. Again, I had no choice. I had no opportunity to even ask my dad (divorced and separated from me), but had to act to save myself another beating and more humiliation. I wrapped a waffle-ball bat around his head (one of the hard yellow ones), and he went right down, asking me to stop as I stood over him, taunting like a maniac, asking if he wanted more, completely out of control…but it was the only way to stop it, and I learned myself that asking for… Read more »
Sadly true, But, the narrowing of acceptable release for boys starts earlier……Boys are treated more harshly from birth on. Society required men who could do what was needed without counting their personal emotional cost…… as a group men have paid for this, for thousands of years…..likely from the start of the agrarian revolution.
Picture worth a thousand words, Mark.