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This is part three of the King Ryan Reclaims His Crown series. And man, do I have a doozy for you today!
Full disclosure, I wrote close to 700 words about something similar before I started researching something. This was a thing I had long-since suspected but I had never confirmed.
It’s not the rejection you’re scared of. You’re scared to let people see you as a grown man. You want to stay small, stay a little boy, and not let anyone see you for being a grown man.
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I’m writing this inside of a Bucks of Star, and I got a few looks when I had this breakthrough. My mind done blowed up.
“Yeah, done blowed up real good.”
{my readers look back at me like a pack of confused dogs}
Google the reference…
It all started on Wednesday morning when I sat down for my coaching session.
I speak often in this space about kings and princes.
To simplify what I mean, it boils down to one simple question: are you being a grown up? Are you approaching your life and your projects from being a grown up?
That’s the basis of my entire coaching philosophy. Are you taking responsibility for your life and being a grown up about it?
Here’s a little coaching inside baseball. Every coaching session needs a coaching request around something you’re working on. While the request can be around one thing, it usually uncovers a bigger context.
Like it did this week.
My first request was in my financial relationship project. I got what I needed there (mostly some love and acknowledgment) and we moved on. It wasn’t the primary focus.
The conversation shifted to my desire to create a romantic relationship. Around that, I shared how scared I was of rejection, but Lisa saw right through that like I was a sheet of saran wrap.
“It’s not the rejection you’re scared of. You’re scared to let people see you as a grown man. You want to stay small, stay a little boy, and not let anyone see you for being a grown man. Keep you under a rock. You can’t create what you want to create unless you become a grown man. If this means telling {Potential} how you feel, then so be it. That’s the only way you can do this.”
Side note: I will one day reveal Potential’s actual name. Or have I already? #what
Lisa’s reflection landed like an absolute truth bomb. It hurt, but it really landed.
As I went through my day, I kept thinking about certain things in my past that I’m incomplete about. Things I hold resentment toward or cannot forgive myself for.
And most of them involve women like Potential, Amanda (both Amanda’s), Ashley…and Stephanie.
Yes, Amanda from last week was not the only Amanda. I doubt I’ll be sharing about her.
Looking back on her, Stephanie was an absolutely adorable treat. I mean, I’m sure she still is…
This was – I believe – year two for me at the University of Alabama. I walked into this journalism 101 class at 10 am on a Tuesday, and there she was. Sitting at one of the now-ancient Macintosh Classic computers.
This was 1996, so technology and fashion has changed. But here’s what I saw when I first laid eyes on her.
Stephanie had shoulder length, curly blonde hair. She loved denim shorts (keep in mind, this was 1996.) She was athletic – played basketball in high school. She played the piccolo for the famed Million Dollar Band.
She was outgoing and confident – she participated in a Junior Miss pageant in high school.
And her accent was as country as the love child of kudzu and honeysuckle.
Long story short, Stephanie was as cute as a speckled puppy.
We became friends over the year. And while that was going on, I was falling head over heels for her.
I’d sit outside her building like a weirdo, wondering if she was in there. I’d pick up the phone (before cell phones) to call her, and I never did.
I became obsessed.
And yes, I was that weird guy at one point. I’m not weird like that anymore.
Like…that…
Eventually it came out that she was seeing someone. A pre-med I do believe. And I believe they eventually got married.
My heart wasn’t so much broken, but enflamed! I was pissed!
This Stephanie incident ticks off a couple of my incompletions around women that I still have to this day.
- Women who rebuff my romantic interest (even though I never told or showed Stephanie anything)
- Women who go after powerful, professionals instead of humble writers and eventual life coaches.
Stephanie may have been my first little red-haired girl…
Back to 2018:
After my coaching session, I’m wallowing in the mire of my own stuff. And started thinking about my own series of little red-haired girls in my life.
And my fears that nobody likes me…
And my more popular sister…
All the way down to my white dog and fascination with beagles.
I always had a hunch about this, but I had to make sure.
A quick google search turned up an absolute gem. A 2007 article from the New Yorker by the late John Updike.
The subject – Peanuts creator Charles Schultz.
In that article, Updike dropped this absolute truth bomb that just blew all of my minds.
“Yet his mother’s hard-drinking, violent-tempered brothers frightened him at Sunday family get-togethers.”
My God, it all makes perfect sense!
Charlie Brown was codependent! He couldn’t see how much people really did love him. He couldn’t see or be with the fact that the little red-haired girl would actually like him!
Y’all, I am the human Charlie Brown!
Growing up (until this week) I thought there was no way that the little red-haired girls in my life would like me. I thought that people hated me! Hell, my dog wants a co-author credit on my next book!
When Charlie stays in his rather large head, he overthinks life. He can’t relax. And he ends up sabotaging his life.
When I stay in my rather large head, I overthink life. I can’t relax. And I could sabotage water.
But if you think about it, Charlie’s really a leader. His friends look up to him and admire him. And the little red-haired girl really did like him.
But his dog was going off on flights on fancy, though.
And I’m a leader. My friends look up to and admire me. And those little red-haired girls…all of them!
If you saw the incredibly charming Peanuts film that came out a couple years ago, you may remember that when he just took his foot off the gas, that he was able to create magic in his life.
When he just took his foot off the gas, that he was able to create magic in his life.
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He quit trying to impress everybody and ended up being even more loved than before.
Where I am in my own process is this. I’m really working on stopping being a people pleaser. I am taking steps to get out of my head and trusting my intuition.
I’m taking my foot of the gas. I’m trusting myself and the people around me.
I’m going to grow up and be a king. To be the king the world needs, and my world needs.
And to ensure that there are no longer any little red-haired girls in my life.
Remember: you can grow UP, without growing old.
Again, this is all a process. When you start to trust the process and remember that you’re exactly where you need to be in your life, you’ll be fine.
And get some support. Find someone in your life who will call you out when you start acting like a little boy instead of a grown man.
If that sounds like I’m telling you to hire a coach…y’know, if that’s what you want…then hire a coach. It doesn’t have to be me, but I’d be honored if you trusted me with this part of your journey.
Email me at [email protected] and we can schedule a sample session.
Oddly enough, I had delusions of becoming a placekicker at one point. I never had the courage to actually go out for the football team, but that’s my cross to bear.
And I don’t remember having a Lucy-type in my life. But I might have.
But my white dog absolutely goes on flights of fancy. Go follow @petehalldog on Instagram.
Tell him “human sent you.” He’ll appreciate it.
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