Christian Veske of the European Institute for Gender Equality speaks out against domestic gender violence and calls for all men to take action.
The photograph shown above appeared in my Facebook news feed on November 28th. Christian Veske, pictured, is a Networking and Communications Assistant for The European Institute for Gender Equality (EIGE); the photo made its rounds as part of EIGE’s participation in “16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence.” Christian included the following caption: As a child I witnessed on a regular basis how my friend’s father beat up his mother. I remember how frightened we were when his father was drunk for we knew that this meant that shouting and beating will happen too. I don’t think any child should experience seeing their mother get beaten up. Never. The key to end violence against women is in the hands of men. Men must change and we need to stand against violence against women. Together.”
I had a chance to speak to Christian this past week.
I was very moved by the photograph, and I applaud your efforts to raise awareness of domestic violence. Of course, the men who are abusing their wives and families are not necessarily those who saw your photo and were moved by it. In what way will raising an awareness among the general population about the prevalence of domestic violence help to reduce it?
I think it is very important to make the issue of domestic violence visible. Men need to stand against violence because most of the perpetrators are men. Therefore men, as a group, should take responsibility to improve the situation. If men dared to say that violence towards other human beings were unacceptable, this could hopefully lead to change in behaviour patterns of the perpetrators.
Naturally, as you pointed out, quite often it might be that the perpetrators do not see these sorts of campaigns, but I believe the more people, the more men, dare to stand against violence, the greater the effect can be. I also believe that everyone can do this. At EIGE, we work with the topic of gender based violence mainly in terms of research, but the campaign on Facebook was a grass root initiative. This is something anyone could do. It can happen in any organization. All it takes is the courage to step forward and propose the idea. From our institute’s side we can make problems of violence visible through the research we do and this is something that potential future campaigners could use. Of course, one should not stop only with campaigning, but one should also extend these principles to one’s everyday life. What I mean is that when you see or hear something that may you lead to believe that someone’s physical integrity is in danger, do not hesitate to call the police. Too often people still feel that they are intruding to other people’s personal sphere, but this is not true. One should not leave these things unnoticed.
You mentioned in the caption attached to the photo that you witnessed a friend’s father beat his mother multiple times. Do you know what prevented your friend’s mother from leaving her partner?
I do not remember much of my childhood, only some strong emotions. The thing I remember in this particular case was the fear. I think every child in the house where I lived was afraid of this man. So, I can’t speculate about her reasons; as an adult, I can only guess. Violence against women has historically been rather too commonplace in Estonia. There are numerous proverbs that show this—violence has been considered as a private matter of the family. I believe that when a woman wanted to leave husband, that had a stigmatizing effect on that woman: she had to consider the consequences and deal with gossiping.
You also mention that the father was often very drunk. To me it seems impossible to address an issue like domestic violence without also addressing alcoholism, especially in the Baltic States where rates of alcohol abuse are very high. How do you see this relationship? Isn’t alcoholism essentially a cause of domestic violence?
I don’t think that the issue of domestic violence should automatically be related to alcoholism. There are cases nowadays in my home country, Estonia, which clearly show that alcohol had nothing to do with violence. Yes, it might have a triggering effect, but the issue still is about power relations and how some men feel the need to exercise their power on the ones that are vulnerable.
I know some men believe they have to show who is the master of the house. I believe this has nothing to do with masculinity. On the contrary: when a man needs to assert his masculinity through violence, it only shows this man’s insecurity and reveals very serious self-esteem and confidence issues. In my eyes violence makes men look weak; when you resort to violence, you show you lack brains enough to solve issues in civilized manner.
That is also a bit of a circle. To break the cycle of associating this kind of brutal “power” with the masculine, we need to work with boys at an early age. We need to make them understand that what makes them best is not that they have control over others (a “boys will be boys” mentality), but teach them to understand other people, what others may feel as a result of their actions.
What else is EIGE doing to spread awareness?
We are planning to work much more on the issue of men and gender equality, as this remains an important topic. Soon we are publishing a report of a study on men for gender equality in the European Union, and we will also make public a database on organizations in Europe that work with men and gender equality. Over the next year, we are planning to have online discussions on our web platform, Eurogender. We hope these and other efforts work to continue spreading public awareness.
Photo by Christian Veske
@Gint; Thanks for the invitation. I am just finishing up school and am on the hook for an article from another GMP editor. I will start work on a critique of Mr. Veske’s article Friday the 14th. How many words would you like it be and realize that I am in California—the San Francisco Bayarea.
@Mr. Supertypo: i get where you are coming from, and I like you don’t understand, from a practical standpoint, why these things are under reported. I understand full-well,from a political perspective, the game that is being played that is designed to keep men as the object of unforgivable rage where abuse is concerned, a la like Ike Turner was for long while or now like some are still trying to do to Chris Brown. I am certain that in other countries besides the US there are other males that serve the same purpose for culture as does Chris Brown does… Read more »
As some have noted I have a sore spot for women as perps of child abuse and let me relay why? About 15 years ago my wife and I reported a friend of her for child abuse, some pretty horrific stuff that we saw and quite frankly we let go on far too long. Our police reports were about 10 pages long of specific incidents of abuse. At approx the same the the childrens school had also made a report and charges were laid, NOT against the mother but against her boyfriend. Remember our police report details the acts SHE… Read more »
Domestic Violence also includes child abuse of which women are the majority of perps YET , that is swept under the rug. Why?, what are people like the OP so afraid to even acknowledge this, the number are there for all to read and yet some just turn a blind eye to it.
” The key to end violence against women is in the hands of men. Men must change and we need to stand against violence against women. Together. ” Why are thise myth still around? Men cannot stop DV men cannot stop rape. BUT we all can stop both DV and rape. We all as a society, men and women alike. So MEN AND WOMEN can stop rape and dv TOGETHER. But not alone. Good luck with your goal, but it is deemed to failure uintil you realize that abuse is not a gendered issue, but a human issue. To stop… Read more »
What about the myth that we can stop a person from assaulting people by simply talking to them ?
The person is most likely going to ignore you and continue their actions behind closed doors.
You want to help ? do what the writer of the article says and call the police.
@Donna: I am well aware of that fact. I am also aware that in Estonia and other places in Europe lesbians rape and commit acts of dv and Mr. Veske says squat about them.The exact same thing happens in the US where the narrative surrounding rape and dv is controled and written by a small cadre of powerful so called progressives. As a result, lies about who suffers from abuse and who the perps are is the norm.Straight men take all the blame and victims,some of them raped by their lesbian partners, suffer needlessly, in silence.
I agree OGW I dont understand why only some cases is ok to report and talk about? Why only certain victims has to get support? Just because one kind of abuse is under reported doesn’t mean we should n talk about it. Almost every time I see ads and advertisements against abuse I see them targeret to women audience male vs female abuse. What if you are a woman who gets abused by another woman, what do you do? or a male who also get abused by a woman then what? No wonder that this kind of non canon abuse… Read more »
@Gint Aras: I might add that any fool knows that empathy is not a feminine or masculine quality, it just is and that includes male fools too.
It’s important to note that the subect of this article is from Estonia, where the common culture still seems to value old stereotypes about men (based on the content of this one article.) What looks foolish in one culture may seem to make perfect sense in another.
@Gint Aras; It would be nice, proper and accurate if when these kind of articles and efforts pretending to be about ending gender violence actually used language that described exactly what they are doing. This article is not about ending gender violence— which implies inclusion— because if it was the article would be speaking on behalf of all of the victims and perpetrators of rape and dv; not just men as perps. So. no I can’t and won’t stand with a program,with a system, that denies the truth about rape and dv while punishing and scapegoating some to protect others,… Read more »