Now, admittedly my family is a little dysfunctional. Well, OK, a lot dysfunctional. It’s a multi-generational thing that didn’t happen overnight and has been passed down, almost proudly, from parents to children to grandchildren.
We’re also not what you would call “close,” which may explain, or stem from, the dysfunction.
So, a while back, after a little too much holiday cheer, my younger brother called me in the middle of my Thanksgiving dinner to inform me that I was a rotten, “piece of crap” brother. I was “pretentious,” “full of myself,” and he “hated me.”
So there.
I was eventually able to piece together that the reason that I was all those things was that I didn’t “reach out” in his time of need. He was “in agony,” and needed the support that any “real brother” would give “in times like these.”
Huh?
Apparently, my sin was that I had not become aware of one or more of his several plights — as thoroughly, and excruciatingly documented in a variety of places on various social media platforms. Had I been following his posts closely, again like a “real brother” would do, I would have seen or sensed his turmoil and called him right up to help ease his pain and “been there for him.”
You know. Like a real brother.
. . .
News flash: Not all of us live on, or through, social media.
But all of us, or at least most of us in the developed, western world, have devices that can place voice calls (both incoming AND outgoing apparently,) along with text, email, messenger, snap, snail-mail, and any other number of communication methods.
And most of us know how to use all of those (mostly) newfangled ways to keep in touch.
Here’s today’s pro tip: posting your travails on any social media platform in the hopes of “informing” your family when you have every other means of contact available is the very definition of passive-aggressive.
If you need help, ask. Ask directly. Ask often.
A lot of us work hard, and frequently don’t have time to constantly scroll through endless posts hoping to learn something about our not-very-close family member.
If you’re not happy that we talk four times a year, pick up your phone. Send an email or a text. Write a letter (gasp!) DO SOMETHING to change the trajectory of the relationship.
And, hey brother, even though I just used the word “trajectory,” family is not rocket science.
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This post was previously published on ILLUMINATION.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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