The first time I came across this word I was either rounding up my first year in college or entering my second year.
I was young and growing — not naïve, but I was young when I met him. For privacy reasons let’s call him Mike. Well, Mike was way older than I was and had been in school much longer so when he reached out to me he reached out as a friend.
He was always there when I needed help, when I was down, when I got sick, he was like my support in school and as much as I tried not to fall for him I did.
Don’t blame me it was quite difficult not to, Mike was charming, sweet, caring and I was a sucker for anyone who created time just to be there for me and he did that, he always did.
Well, maybe you can guess what happened next. I fell in love and he claimed he did too, things got intense, we met more often, we talked all day and night, we ate together, we played together, cuddled, satisfied each other sexually, we did everything a couple would do, damn we even quarreled like one but guess what we weren’t a couple.
Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months.
We were in love or so I thought.
To me, things were going perfectly well until a friend of mine asked me what was going on between Mike and me. She told me she did not want to hear we were just friends because that was far from it. And then I realized that I did not know what we were, we had not put a title in our relationship.
I decided to do the asking and trust me where I’m from we were trained to believe that the girl should never make the first move because it lowered our worth. Wrong mentality I know.
But because I was in love, I put aside my training and made the first move after all I wanted the title, I wanted to be his and I wanted him to be mine, it wasn’t too much to ask, was it? We did everything couples do what’s left is to just make it official.
The conversation was going to be easy I thought, he felt the same way right? Maybe he was so caught up in our love that he forgot to ask me out, maybe, maybe, maybe, I kept giving him excuses.
But the truth is no man forgets that sort of thing.
What are we? Or what do you call us? That was how the conversation started, a simple question deserving a straight and simple answer. And yes he actually did reply in simple terms.
Friends. That was his reply, he saw us as friends, just friends. I had been a fool, and I let him lead me on to this extent. I went further by asking him if friends fuck and he replied by saying let’s call it a situationship.
What Is A Situationship?
According to nbcnews a situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than friendship. It is less than a relationship, but more than a casual encounter or booty call, it can be referred to as a romantic relationship that is and remains undefined.
Now to some people that does not seem like a bad idea, it actually isn’t if you’re sure that is what you really want, but for me, I didn’t want that and I also did not know that I had fallen into one without even knowing. I had ignored all the warning signs which were;
I. We had never been on a proper date. We spent most of our time in the school walkway, he had never asked me out to watch a movie or eat ice cream, just school.
II. We avoid discussing the future. Thinking back now I realized we actually did not talk about anything meaningful or important we actually spent our quality time pleasuring ourselves sexually.
III. We attended events separately. Mike and I never attended a party or a social gathering together; he told me he wanted us to be on a low that is keep things privately.
Like I said earlier situationships aren’t bad when you’re sure you know what you want — but there’s a risk. There a high chance of you catching feelings for your situationship partner and when that happens, what do you plan to do?
I suggest you do the following.
Know What You Want
When making a decision in life you are always advised to know what you want or be sure of what you want because every decision no matter how little is life-changing. Decisions always make a difference.
Now you might not be sure at that point so be patient with yourself. When Mike had told me that heartbreaking statement, I actually stuck around him for a while, I don’t know why I did that, maybe I wanted to see if I could influence his decision or I thought I loved him so much to leave him.
But then I realized I wanted more, he wasn’t a bad person but we were two different people with different wants. I wanted to love and be loved back, I wanted to go on dates and take cute pictures and videos, and I wanted to fight but still be willing to resolve that.
Finally being sure of what I wanted, I put a stop to the situationship but not our friendship because Mike is a good person.
If you’re sure that you want this to come to an end or you want to see if it could become a relationship, you’ve succeeded in achieving the first step.
Define Your Relationship
Most people run away from this step, they just choose to ignore it and give themselves excuses like it’s not really important to put a title. Sis, Bro a title is always important because it enables you to know if you’re heading somewhere or if whatever is going on is just a waste of time
I want you to breathe in and out, summon up enough courage because you are going to need it plus most times people can be cruel with their words without even knowing.
You should not expect anything from the conversation you’re going to have to avoid being disappointed. The question should be what are we? It should be straight up without any explanation or excuses or apologizes.
Do Not Listen To Excuses
“I love you but I’m not ready for a relationship.”
Bro, Sis don’t fall for this line, I repeat do not fall for this line. You might ask what am I yapping about or why is she taking this so seriously. Now Mike used the line on me, they all use this line and I fell, I stuck around thinking maybe I could influence his decision. Until I this read somewhere;
In every “I love you but I am not ready for a relationship” there is a silent “with you.”
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If they give excuses they do not want a relationship with you, they might just be enjoying the company or what you have to offer.
Take That Bold Step
Now if your situationship turns into a mutual and happy relationship, I am sincerely happy for you and I hope your love lasts forever. But if you turn out like me and realize they want a whole different thing or they give you silly excuses, dear brother and sister do not take a leap of faith that maybe if you stuck around you could influence their decision instead take a bold step and leave.
It’s going to be hard, nobody ever said it was going to be easy, you’d be heartbroken, you would miss them, you’d probably cry and blame yourself or regret leaving but trust me it will eventually become fine.
Pain doesn’t last forever my lovelies.
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit: by Zohre Nemati on Unsplash