SNL’s ‘Meet Your Second Wife’ sketch a dark look at the uncomfortable January-December relationships of some couples.
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If you have to explain the joke, or why it’s funny, then it’s not going to be as funny. Or funny anymore. Or funny at all.
That’s why Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s hosting of Saturday Night Live this past weekend was—as it should be—a perfect hit at dissembling societal taboos and patriarchal systems some of us are too uncomfortable to talk about.
Meet Your Second Wife, a sketch about a hit t.v. show featuring 30s-something men who meet their future wives, has guests uncomfortably meet their soon-to-be wives ranging in age from unborn to eighth grade.
This kind of writing falls in line with the good work comedians do to point out the ridiculous and predictable patterns that humans carve out and then become part of our culture. In a society that values the sexual prowess and attractiveness of men at any age, it seems to have forced us to think of “women of a certain age” as having aged out of being “fuckable” (as another brilliant sketch with Amy Schumer and Tina Fey points out).
Men, the joke goes, are brutish and weak, and need to be forced to see that when they leave their wives, their new younger wives will have been once too young for them.
Forget “May-December” relationships. Think January-December.
Yikes.
Judge for yourself.
Watch:
Photo: George Arriola/Flickr
Video courtesy of SNL on Youtube.com
Sorry Erin, every time I tried to respond to you above, the page would refresh and I’d lose what I’d written, and then get too frustrated to retype. I’m sure you’ve moved on from this article so I doubt you’ll ever see this. But- I’ll try to keep my response short so maybe I can get it in before the page refreshes again. My basic answer to all your points, including the porn one, is agency. I assume that any adult woman entering into a relationship with an adult man (and vice versa) is mentally competent enough to do so,… Read more »
That refresh feature is super annoying sometimes. Nothing I said, or the video, denies the ‘agency’ of any person in a given situation. Neither did anyone make the argument that young people are ‘mentally incompetent’ to make choices. Pointing out the reality that young people, especially in their 20s, and even more so the younger they are, are at completely different points in their development and experiences compared to experienced older people is simply plain logic. Based on personal experience and that of what I have heard other women *and* men say is that one of the reasons men like… Read more »
And no, I never described women who date younger men as ‘the toy’. That is what I have heard a lot of men say about older women/younger man relationships. I have heard men say that older women are just a ‘toy’ to younger men. They say that younger men don’t take them seriously. *That* is what I’ve heard a lot of men say. That is not anything I said or thought myself. And no, I don’t assume that women ‘everywhere’ don’t like porn. That’s what *you* have assumed about me. But it is not a statement based in fact. I… Read more »
One more point about ‘amateur’ porn. The reality is that with most amateur porn, you have no clue if both people consented to that material being posted. ‘Revenge porn’ has been a growing problem. You could very well be watching videos where one, or even both of the people never consented to it being seen publically. But this is not a conversation most are ready to have yet since in invades their enjoyment of porn in general. So don’t act like ‘amatuer’ porn solves the issues we need solved. It rather doesn’t.
Hey well I’m almost 50 and my boyfriend still loves to have sex with me so whatever. You can’t stress too much about other people’s choices.
I do feel sorry for women whose husbands so quickly trade them in for a younger model. But, if a man does that to you, he’s not worth much. You’re better off without him.
Women should probably expect to be single in your older years so invest in yourself and your friendships.
They forgot to mention that the men will end up with a second wife because the first wife ended the first marriage. Wives initiate over 70% of divorces, last I saw. By the way, do 25-year old WOMEN not have any agency about who they agree to marry? I know the battle for 50 years concerned equal RIGHTS for women, not equal RESPONSIBILITIES, but does ownership of one’s choices have no place in our society from our “better” halves? Sex objects and success objects- the terms exist for a reason and I don’t begrudge those who find partners that way… Read more »
Yes, women appear to initiate a majority of the divorces. I don’t think that means that 70% of women were unhappy in their marriages and 70% of men were perfectly happy. Often times men don’t initiate divorce because they are more willing to live in a situation that isn’t healthy for either party. Sometimes those type of situations lead to cheating with other people even while maintaining the outward appearance of a marriage. The discussion is way more complex then a simple statistic that women initiate 70% o divorces. 25 year old women have the same agency 25 year old… Read more »
Another way to look at it:
Why do 25-year old women not want to date/marry men their own age?
I think most do want men near their own age. I also think a lot of 25 year old girls live in a culture that’s all about ‘hooking up’ and being treated like their only worth is sex and they want more then that. 25 year old girls are raised in the same culture as 25 year old boys that still holds tight to the belief that older men rule. Some 25 year old girls have their own daddy issues, some are just mega-jerks and like the idea of taking a man’s attention way from his wife/gf who is older… Read more »
Tina Fey’s husband is 9 years older than she is. Gosh, that means that when he was graduating college, she hadn’t even started high school!
Comedians always tow a line between making fun of life, making fun of themselves even at times and using their real life to draw on material. It’s no different then what Chris rock or any other male or female comedian does.
That, or she’s a hypocrite.
It’s funny, we consider women in their 20s old enough to vote, drive, hold down a job and take care of themselves… Yet somehow the second they enter a relationship with a man “older” than they are they revert to being helpless little girls.
And yes, I too would like to know why the question is never “why don’t these women date men their own age”?
My Mom married my Dad who was 15 years older than her 8Ball, and she has always told me that she hopes that I marry someone closer to my own age because the difference in their ages did create hardships and difficulties. So you could call my Mom a hypocrite or you could call her a voice of experience. It’s not that she didn’t love my Dad, she did, very much. But their marriage wasn’t always an easy one. For her daughter, me, I know she wants a different kind of relationship. I dated older men when I was younger… Read more »
No Erin, I wouldn’t call your mom a hypocrite because of one thing: the word I. She frames the situation as a choice she made, and one she lives with for better or worse. And I’m almost certain she didn’t accuse your older boyfriend of anything seedy. That’s not the case with Tina Fey. Do you think she holds up a picture of herself in sixth grade and tells her husband, accusingly, “this is what I looked like when you graduated college”? I doubt it. Because of course it’s a different matter with *her* husband. As much as I hate… Read more »
Has my Mom ever accused my older boyfriend of anything ‘seedy’? No. As a parent, was she happy the first time I brought home an older guy? No. Did she think a man dating someone nearly 20 years his junior was coming from a healthy place? No. Did she think that he was more responsible at his stage of life compared to mine? Yeap. And he was because being older means you have more responsibility. Both female and male brains aren’t even 100% fully developed until the age of 26-27. That is just scientific reality. So yes, someone 40 should… Read more »
By the way, I would be honored if you could address this part of my previous comments: “how many guys out there are married in their 30s and beyond that are looking at porn of girls young enough to be their own daughters? It’s not exactly the thing that makes women feel respected or valued. Don’t we all want to feel respected and valued in our relationships? All of us? Men and women? You want women to know how to respect and value you as a man right? And women should strive to value you and respect you in the… Read more »
“Society”? No, biology. Do you really want to have sex with a 50 or 60 or 70 year old woman? Of course not. Would you really choose a 40 year old sexual partner over a 20 year old? Of course not. You’re lying to yourself and encouraging your readers to do the same. I’m a 50 year old female and I’m begging you: Take the red pill. Reality isn’t such a bad place. Better than your liberal fantasy world. Live not by lies. I used to believe a lot of crap when I was your age. I hate being old… Read more »
Kathy, everything you just said also applies to men. Do you really think a young woman wants to have sex with an old man? Or end up being their caretaker as the man grows older but she’s still young? (I’ve seen quite a few stories online and in real life where younger women are bitter about basically being a caretaker rather than a wife of their old husbands). Men and some women are delusional about what young women want. We may be young but we’re not stupid. Studies have shown that the larger the age gap, the more likely the… Read more »
Kathy – You can pop any pills that make you happy but I rather personally think for myself. My Mom is a 50 something year old woman too. Widowed and deserving of love, sex and companionship with men near her own age. Deserving of men that see her value and brand of beauty. Deserving of being cared about as a woman wants to be cared about free from expectations of men who are her peers who see value in themselves but little value in her. Free from men and women who only care about the most shallow qualities of beauty… Read more »
Hi Erin,
Good point.
I would just like to add that in those commercials you mention, older men are just not trying to be held up as having more value than older women, but also as having more value than younger men.
So it cuts both ways.
Then again, no women near my age have seen my value, or seen me as deserving of companionship, for a fair amount of years now. So I don’t really know what standard of looks or status men are hold to anyway.
FlyingKal – I agree that it’s also a matter of older men trying to retain more value and power over younger men. It’s easy to like women’s bodies, but that’s different from honestly having a true liking and appreciation for women as people. It’s actually pretty awesome when people realize that life is a journey and learn to value themselves and their peers along the way. That they aren’t always on the hunt for someone younger or richer or whatever. I don’t think these things even make us happy anyway. I actually think even that sometimes, some men may even… Read more »
Hi Erin,
I’m working on an answer to this, but so far it is rather incoherent.
Don’t want to leave this unanswered, so I’ll see what I can do 🙂
Hi Erin and thank you for your earnest reply. On the first part of your post. I will probably ramble a bit, cause I don’t really know how to put it, but try and bear with me, please. Attraction isn’t evenly distributed. Attraction isn’t fair, even within groups of men or women. Even though we’d like it to be that way, we know it isn’t so. Maybe men, as a group, are at the peak of their attractiveness in their 40’s, because then they have amassed more maturity and resources or ability to “provide” than men around 20, but it’s… Read more »
You’re right, attraction isn’t fair. Men have been sold very specific images of very specific kinds of women in ways women aren’t sold about men. Women are exploited for the sheer delight, pleasure and happiness for heterosexual men in ways men aren’t for women. Most men start a relationship with porn anywhere from 9-13 years of age when their brains are still developing and learning. Most women in porn are white, young, small waisted, big breasted – fitting in a stereotypical ideal of beauty and activating a gleeful exploitation of women, their bodies, their age in ways that glorify both… Read more »
Hi Erin, I’m back from a 10-days digital detox (i.e. extended new-year leave to help out my parents), but I could have just spared me the effort of coming back. The answer is plain “no” to all your “serious” question. I tried to explain the best I could, how I see that the system works today. I never said that I SUPPORTED it. Not_a_single_word! 20-25 year old men are devalued just as much as 30-35 year old women are. They aren’t “going” uphill, they are struggling in the competition, just as much as women are. But the joke’s on me… Read more »
The only reason that men aren’t held to the same standards of looks as women probably has a lot to do with how society has actually brainwashed us into thinking about men and women Actually we are, you just don’t see it because of your own gender privilege. I see no male plus size models. I see men getting condemned for rejecting older women and overweight women, but nobody condemns the women who fetishise tall men to the extent that they have a 6′ rule and won’t date shorter than that no matter how good a match they might otherwise… Read more »
The uploader has not made this video available in my country.